BitterSweet

Chapter 34

She's been trying to get me involved with the wedding planning but I want nothing to do with it, it's not a real fucking marriage so I don't need to be a part of planning the smoke and mirrors wedding. I'd rather go to the courthouse but her family wouldn't here of it. Thankfully, I rarely see Lauren, only speaking to her over the phone. I'm never the one to initiate the call, but it's usually something wedding related... I guess if I found a company worth a shit I would call her so she can purchase, but I've been busy working at the construction site and trying to find Camila to care about my company.

But fuck if I had to bring Lauren with me today; what would it look like if I didn't bring my fake fiancé to my brother's wedding. Not realizing how restricted I feel, I pull at my collar wishing I could loosen my bowtie and pop a few buttons. Is it hot in here or is it just me? Looking over at Lauren makes the feeling ten times worse and I'm starting to feel dizzy and nauseous. Fuck I'm going to pass out at my brother's wedding ceremony thinking about mine. Why do I even feel this way when I think about getting married to Lauren? Granted I never thought I would get married, but it still shouldn't feel this way if it's not real. Right?

Lauren looks extremely uncomfortable as she tries to make conversation with my parents, but they don't look too thrilled at being bothered. My mother wont speak to her, putting my father between them, and my father looks like he wants to strangle her. I try not to think of how they would act towards Camila if she... No, I wont think about that or my reaction if they acted this way towards her. My father has been trying to talk to me since the announcement of my 'engagement' but I don't want to hear it anymore about how I'm fucking up my life, so I avoid him. I'm sure my mother is upset with me after what I told her regarding Camila; that she and I were in a relationship but we didn't want everyone to know yet. I know we weren't at the time, but I knew my mother would say something with how we would act during our visit and I didn't want Camila embarrassed anymore than she already seemed to be that day. But even then, I kind of wanted us to be. That's why Camila's boyfriend comment that night didn't bother me.

And then everything went to shit before I could even ask her to be mine. It's even worse now. I knew we wouldn't have long before the company Selena found went public, but when we tried to purchase they already sold. Selena assured me that nobody knew about this company, but now we have no company to purchase, I'm stuck with Lauren for longer until we find another company, and I have no Camila. This company being available was the reason why I chose to marry Lauren, so I could have the funds to buy it, but it wasn't just for this company, it was meant to start up my whole business. Just because this one sold, doesn't mean we wont find another or another opportunity wont come along. I still need the funds to start up my company and she's the only one willing to help. Nobody wants to take this kind of risk with so much money, and I don't blame them. That company not being available any longer makes everything worse though, because I wouldn't need so much money this soon and I wouldn't have made that deal with Lauren, effectively ending things with Camila. I could've continued to work and save until another deal came along, and I would still be with Camila, possibly in a real relationship with her and not just a friends with benefit type. However, having this money will increase my chances of starting my company faster. But I just don't seem to care anymore. All I've been concentrating on or thinking about these past two weeks is Camila, not my company or finding a company to start my business, but finding her so she doesn't hate me for what I've done. I know I care for Camila, more so than I ever have anyone who was not family, and I don't want to lose her.

I feel fifty shades of fucked-up with our last conversation and that I can't do anything to make this right with her. I understand her reservations about continuing what we had, but that doesn't mean we can't be friends. I miss her. I want her. I can't stop thinking about her. I'm such an asshole, I don't know what I'm thinking because it's never going to be okay. She's never going to forgive me. It's funny how before Camila, I wouldn't give a shit about this deal with Lauren, but now... I feel like absolute shit.

Music brings me from my thoughts of not begin able to find Camila, to make it right with her, building my company and my marrying Lauren. It's not the Here Comes The Bride music, but it's a nice classical piece, which means the ceremony is about to begin and hopefully I'll see her; Camila.

The curtains at the entrance of the tent pull open on each side and the flower girl comes wandering down the aisle. It's full of oohs and awws as the adorable little girl gently places a rose petal on the ground instead of grabbing a handful and just tossing them wherever. She finally makes it down the aisle two days later. And when I look back at the opening, I'm nearly knock over with so much unknown force I have to grab onto Niall to keep me upright. I realize it's my knees that nearly give out on me at the sight before me. Camila.

She's dressed in a soft pink colored dress, so light that it almost looks off-white, cream maybe. Her hair is up in an elegant style that looks like it took days to accomplish. And her make up, a soft and sexy natural look. She's... breathtaking. Beyond beautiful, words do not describe how incredibly beautiful she is. And it's not just now when she's all dolled up, it's also when she's just woke up, when she's wearing my clothes because they're 'comfortable', when she's just come down from a high of an orgasm I've given her, when she's just come out of the shower, completely naked. She's always beautiful. In this moment, as she's walking down the aisle of her best friend and my brother's wedding, avidly avoiding eye contact with me I might add, it's now that I realized how much I've missed her. Everything about her. The way she smiles when she looks at me, the way she giggles at the stupidest shit I say, the way she wrinkles her nose when she's going to disagree, the little v between her eyebrows when she's trying to focus, or when she's unconsciously biting her lip when she's thinking. As she continues to walk down the aisle, almost in slow motion, I begin to picture her dress white, that she's walking down to meet me, that it's our wedding day... and the strange thing is, it doesn't feel like I'm suffocating like I feel whenever I think about Lauren. It feels... It makes me feel... whole, complete.

It isn't until she finally looks up at me that I realize... Holy fuck! I'm in love with Camila Cabello. How did I not see this before?!

I've heard that stupid thing about having two of everything but you only have one heart because you're supposed to find your second heart. Meaning it belongs to your soul mate. Well, Camila doesn't just have my second heart she has mine completely. And I don't ever want it back. I don't have a heart anymore because she has it. I have to tell her. Now.

Making the bold move to tell her what she means to me at this very second, I step forward, towards the enchanting creature herself when she reaches the end of the aisle, but Niall's arm comes up to stop me as he holds me back.

"Whoa there, Romeo." He says. "Hails is coming down the aisle next... This shindig is not over until we say I do and kiss. I know that much."

"I have to talk to Camila." I tell him. "It's urgent that I speak with her. Now."

"Well, it'll have to wait, killer." Here Comes The Bride begins to play and everyone in the tent stands as they face the back of the room. I cut my eyes to Camila who is looking at me through her lashes but when she noticed me looking at her, she turns her attention towards Hailee as well. Fuck! Now I'll have to wait. What if she leaves, not staying for the reception? I run my hand through my hair at the thought of her leaving again. And what the fuck am I going to say? I love you, but-

...

It's finally the reception and thank fuck Camila is still here. The only problem; everyone and their brother, including mine, is keeping us apart. Most of the time it's done unintentionally, but there are a few times where I've tried to approach her and the girls; Hailee, Aaliyah, my mother, even my grandmother will swarm her. My grandmother doesn't know what's going on between us, of course, she just adores Camila. 

I can understand why, it's easy to love her. I find it so easy and freeing to say in my mind, but I can't talk to Camila with all these women around. I even tried to corner her in the bathroom when she went but the girls go together for some strange reason.

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im so sorry for not updating but school's been really stressfull lately :(
i'll update tomorrow

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