midnight dramas│k.nj + k.sj ✔

b r a n d y

the winds are strong that night.
it's been raining since 7 in the evening.
namjoon likes it a lot.
he feels cozy and comfortable just lying on his bed, blanket all over him.

despite the cozy atmosphere, namjoon couldn't sleep.
it's almost 1 in the morning and he's still wide awake, wondering if seokjin would come over.

there comes several knocks on the door. seokjin's pattern.
a slower pattern but still his, nevertheless.
namjoon stands up, walks towards the door and opens it.

in all the days seokjin came over, it was always the 'dizzy' seokjin. but this time however, he's leaning by the side of the doorway, beer in his hand, and a frown on his face.
"what's wrong, seokjin?" he asks. seokjin doesn't answer. maybe he didn't heard him. maybe he chose not to answer at all.

he exhales heavily, something namjoon never heard before. he motions seokjin to come in, to which the latter did. they both sat down the couch, neither talking to each other.

it's deafeningly and heavily silent for a solid ten minutes. namjoon can bear the silence but with seokjin not even sparing him a glance and just chugging on his beer is a different case.
unbearable is an understatement.

seokjin would chug it down like water and then glance straight ahead.

namjoon has had enough.
he moves forward, closer. he moves closer to seokjin until they're only a few inches away.
seokjin still isn't looking at him.
and that hurt namjoon. whatever the reason why, he doesn't know. the ache is a sufficient explanation for him.

"seokjin." he speaks after such long, heavy silence they shared.

whatever made seokjin like this?
where's the chaotic drunk guy he knows?
did he drown it down with alcohol and regret?

namjoon calls him again. still, no response.
he holds seokjin's arm, stopping him from downing another drink. hand in midair.
"what's wrong, seokjin?"

the question triggers an emotion.
seokjin doesn't like it at all.
he hated it. despised every form of it.
because he knew, his knees will shake. his voice will crack. his hands will shake. his chest will ache. his eyes will mist and he'll start to cry.

but in that moment, he knew that for several nights and on several occasions, namjoon has seen his weakest self and that showing his lowest point now isn't something new.

and so at that question, tears bursts from seokjin's eyes and he didn't cry silently like he usually does. he cried like a little boy deprived of happiness.
his voice cracks and tears didn't stop flowing.
he continuously wipes them away but fresh tears keep appearing.

"i'm.. i'm so sorry, namjoon. i'm so sorry for being a mess. i'm such a fuck up." seokjin says in such a helpless voice that namjoon's heart into a thousand pieces.

"no. hey, you aren't like that. come here," namjoon cooes and gently pulls seokjin into his arms, "i never said you're being a mess. you're never a fuck up."

seokjin sobs louder at namjoon's tender voice and gentle words.
his hug feels so right and warm that seokjin finds himself hugging back, squeezing himself at his touch, craving for his warmth.
"i'm so sorry, namjoon. i'm just.."

the crook of namjoon's neck is wet with tears trickling down from seokjin's cheeks but he doesn't mind.
"why? i'm a big pile of stupidity, a walking embarassment. a living, breathing piece of shit. i don't deserve any good thing in life."

namjoon shushes him, softly caressing the back of seokjin's head.
"who says you are? you're such a dazzling beauty, a mesmerizing human being. i see a beautiful person in you even at all your lowest points. you deserve every good thing in life because you do."

seokjin cries harder and louder.
he doesn't reply. namjoon smiles softly even if he knows seokjin wouldn't see.
"n-namjoon, i—"

"you can tell me what's wrong when you feel better, okay? for now, i'll let you cry your heart out. i'll be here. i won't leave."

—

author's note:

been a while since my last update.
i hope everyone is doing well these days.
i'm sorry if i haven't updated this book. i know i have so many shortcomings as a writer so i'm really sorry.
no one really cares and i shouldn't really share private matters but tonight is really a bad night for me, another low point in my life.

i'm in a really low point in my life for quite a while now so it's surprising i managed to write this chapter.
however, i do want to handle these matters on my own.

but i still wrote this chapter because i need to push this through. :)
i want you guys to be happy.
we're already halfway through the story and i hope to finish this book soon.

thank you, everyone, and always keep safe.