Dear Jacob [RENESMEE CULLEN]

16

When finally Saturday comes, Renesmee wakes up, her heart full of hope. Today is finally the day she can see Jacob and get the answers she has dreamt of getting since the day after her not-so-perfect thirteenth birthday.

It's not going to be an easy task to go to the mall by herself - usually, family members drive her to places. This time, she will have to catch the bus under the pretext that she is going to the mall with friends.

At 9 AM sharp, when the mall has just opened, she is already there, her fingers shaking and her legs feeling like jelly. She sits down on a bench near the coffee shop, not quite ready to enter and to order.

Her mind is running wild. She cannot believe she will see Jacob Black for the first time in three years. It feels surreal to her. Like a dream. Like the nightmares back in the day.

As she is sitting on the bench, collecting her breath, she hears a familiar voice:

"Renesmee?"

She sharply stands up from her seat to be faced with Jacob. He looks the same, yet different. He doesn't look that young anymore. She wonders whether he still shifts to keep his youth. The stubble makes him look at least five years older, almost as if he is married with children now. Yet, there's no sign of marriage, no ring on his finger. There is a new tattoo on his arm, however.

"You look wonderful," Jacob compliments. Indeed, Renesmee does. She has grown so tall from the last time he has seen her. Her hair is shorter than he remembers, tied in a side braid. Her makeup is a little bit heavier than usual, feeling like she has had to make some more effort for this outing. She is wearing a sweater with black jeans and sneakers. She looks like every other teenage girl Jacob has seen. Yet, behind her eyes are stories and experiences that not many of them have had. If she can, Renesmee can write her life into a book and it can quickly become a best seller.

He approaches her and crushes her in one of his signature bear hugs, thinking she will love it.

She wants to move her arms, to hug him back. But none of that happens. She feels frozen, like a statue instead. Her once best friend feels like a stranger to her.

Jacob wants to be part of Renesmee's life again. He is fully aware of the fact that he will have to do so much to gain her trust. He hopes his explanation isn't too confusing.

The young people have sat on a table, drinking their drinks. Alas, there is tension between them. Whatever has been between them will never be the same.

Jacob exhales before he begins, "I suppose you want to know more about why I left."

Renesmee nods her head and takes another sip of her drink.

"I left because I was asked to," he confesses and adds, "I think your parents were terrified that you wouldn't have a choice because of the imprinting."

Tears cloud the hybrid's eyes. And not only from the chocolate that is too hot. She feels betrayed. "My family made you leave?", her voice is small, almost child-like, at that moment.

Jacob notices the tears and his expression softens. He reaches out to touch Renesmee's hand, but she pulls away. She doesn't want people to see her and think she has gone on a date with Jacob. Especially after nothing is quite sure about her relationship with Wyatt.

"I believed you were mature enough to handle the tale of the imprinting. I'm so sorry. I messed up. It's all my fault," Jacob says and puts his head in his hands.

At this moment, the tears come. Not pretty tears - Renesmee is wailing at a public place. She can't believe Jacob is blaming himself. She feels like it's her family's fault, her fault. But never Jacob's. In her eyes, except for leaving, Jacob has done nothing wrong. How can it be his fault?

The young people spend their morning wiping tears, unsure of what to do next. Renesmee has started to move on with her life. Jacob's answer, his letter has been a big surprise to her. And now that he wants to be part of her life again, she has to make a choice.

On Monday, Renesmee tries to keep calm, while being with her friends, alas everyone can see that she is not quite feeling well. They know something is going on and it is about time for her to open her mouth and speak if she is emotionally ready to do so. And they hope that it will be soon. It's not a good idea to keep everything bottled inside. That is why they are so worried about their best friend.

"Are you okay, Wren?", Wyatt asks her.

Renesmee wants to fake a smile, but ever since Wyatt has kissed her on her forehead, she just can't. It's like they have this special bond that can't be broken that easily.

So she says nothing. She refuses to open her mouth. And she feels guilty for that. But she feels like it's the best she can do.

She knows one day she will have to sit down and tell everyone about Jacob with all the details they need to know. But that day cannot be today.

Or can it?

During the lunch break, the girls ask to speak with Renesmee privately.

"Wrennie, you can tell us if there is something wrong," One of them reassures the hybrid, when they are away enough from the humans' ears, always too curious about the latest gossip.

Renesmee feels suffocated. She wants to escape, to go home and curl into a ball in her bed where she can cry as loud as she possibly can. She wants the cold embrace of anyone from her family. Heck, she'd even take her grandpa Charlie's soothing silence that she seems to have inherited from him.

Everything would be perfect as long as she doesn't have to speak.

"We want to help," another of her friends says.

And it is too much. The ball of nerves that has formed in Renesmee's body is released as she involuntarily begins to sob in the arms of her friends.

This is it. She has officially broken down. The walls she has built with so much care over the years are tumbling down.

She has no other choice but to tell them everything. And when she finishes her story, all of the girls want to murder Jacob for causing so much pain to their friend.

Wyatt, who is around the corner, has heard all of this. At that particular moment, his heart sinks. This is why his friend, the girl he loves, has been distant at first. Because of Jacob Black, the jerk.

He vows to help Renesmee heal her heart. She deserves better.