Total Eclipse of the Hart

Hart Squared

I wake up, my head in a daze. I felt like I had somehow experienced true Nirvana, and I blissfully stretched and rolled out of bed. Julie sighed peacefully and turned over in the bed, and I jumped, forgetting Julie was even there. Well, that explained why I was so sore. I walked into my kitchen, pouring myself a shot of whiskey and gagging as it went down, hoping it can help with soreness. Alcohol is pretty good at that, right? Wincing and rubbing my thigh, I open my fridge, hoping that I have-yup. There's the Taco Bell takeout. Damn, sex is truly exhausting apparently. I guess I had forgotten that in the, oh, seven month dry spell I had been having. My mind wanders back to last night, and the gleam in Julie's eyes when she was truly alive, experiencing floods of emotions and sensory overload. To be able to be the sole person to provide such pleasure to someone...I mean...that's powerful. Sex is powerful; sex can be used with the best or worst intentions...I knew the problems that can arise with sex, I'm not a stranger to those.

When my girlfriend three years ago told me she was straight, that hurt. That really fucking hurt. Wasn't I good enough? Didn't I kiss her like she liked? Didn't I fill her with an unquenchable lust? Most importantly, didn't she love me?

My hand tousles my hair and I sigh, staring into my whiskey bottle. Why am I doing this to myself? I'm  happy with Julie and I've never had such strong feelings. Of course, I guess commitment has always been my problem and I try to only have casual flings rather then something meaningful. "Listen," I tell myself, "don't be a shrink. Chill." I comply, pouring another shot and feeling the liquor warm my throat and gently shushing my brain, drowning me in meaningless thoughts.

My phone. Fuck my phone. I must have fallen asleep after that shot, because my head is on my kitchen table and my phone is screaming 7/11 by Beyoncé. Singing along softly, I check the caller ID and Mame's picture pops up of her spitting out her drink at a bar and I can't help but laugh. "Hey Mamrie, what's up?" I say.

"Minor emergency. My parents are coming to LA tomorrow and I need to make my turkey for them tonight. BUT GUESS WHAT. I still haven't called Home Depot for them to fix the goddamn stove."

"Mames. You need Sears not Home Depot."

"You lesbians. You're the best with machine-thingys."

"Yeah, I got an A+ in 'All things machine like'" I say, laughing along with her. "Get yourself over here in an hour and we can make it. Oh, by the way, you get to meet the girl... the girl I really like."

"It's a date. Tell your girlfriend to not worry, I didn't get into lesbian school so it's just a figure of expression."

"Mames. I know."

"HAHA. Oh yeah." She says, hanging up.

I shake my head and laugh, prepping my kitchen for the energy that is Mamrie. I hear a noise from the bedroom, and Julie walks out, smiling at me. "Hey Sleeping Beauty. Thought you'd never wake up," I say, grinning at her. "Yeah yeah" she says, playfully muttering under her breath. "Pardon? I thought you'd be in a great mood!" I exclaim, running to where she is and kissing her neck. I feel her pulse quicken underneath her delicate skin, and I smile into the kiss. I spin her around, placing my hands on her waist and kissing her gently. She pouts when my lips leave hers, and I smirk, teasing her while letting my hand travel up and down her side. My teeth graze her ear as I whisper to her "I'll do everything I can to put you in a good mood. Call me selfless." , as I slowly unbutton her pajama top. Her chest rises and falls quickly and my fingers fumble, shaking with anticipation. Ok, and I was distracted. Really distracted. I mean, do you know how hard it is to focus on unbuttoning something when someone is playing with the zipper on your jeans? Take my word for it, it's pretty hard. After probably ten minutes, I throw the pajama top to the side, and we start to make out again, in the hastiest of ways.

The next thing I know, I'm pressed against my pantry and getting the most seductive stare I've ever received, when Mames walks in. Mamrie is known for great comedic timing, and apparently my sex life is comical enough for it to apply. "Surprise motherfuckers!" Mames says, entering the house. "Oh...boy. I did not see you guys there. I can...wait? Yeah. You guys do the quickie and then I'll make the turkey." she says, trying not to burst out laughing. Mortified, I reach for our shirts and try to hide the crimson on my cheeks. Julie seems to be fine, smiling at me and finding the humor in the situation. I see no humor at the moment, one of my best friends just saw me almost have sex. Holy awkward. 

I guess I failed "How to put locks on doors" in lesbian school.