Sunshine

25.

The longer we waited, the more empty and alone I felt. I knew I had all these people, Maggie, Beth, Carol, but Hershel was different. If I lost him, I'd lose my moral compass. He was the reason that I haven't gone crazy those cold months.

Before I came back, Carl told me that he had stopped breathing. That made me sick to my stomach. Lori saved him, she stood in the corner of the room her eyes looked scared but she just continued to watch Hershel. I walked into the cell and leaned my body against the cold concrete of the wall. I looked at his chest rising up, and then down. Then I heard a door and turned my head to see Rick. Carl told him what had happened earlier and then he walked in to see Hershel.

Just as if on cue, Hershel shifted in his spot. I tensed up as I got closer to see his eyes starting to move. My hands found their way to the bunks cool medal pole as I leaned closer to watch as his eyes fluttered opened. He was awake.

A wide smile plastered itself on my face as I felt Maggie wrap her arm around my shoulders. Rick held his hand as he smiled in relief. Then he handed me his hand before taking off out the cell. I bended to his eye level and then kissed his hand softly, "welcome home." I whispered as a faint smile went across his face.

•••

I had to get out of that cell block, away from all the crying and emotion and just have a few moments with myself. I haven't had that in awhile, just me. I needed to know how I was doing. I sat down on a metal bench that was in the courtyard with the poncho Daryl had giving me months ago on. He never asked for it back, which meant he either wanted me to have it or didn't want something I touched back. Either way it was comfy and warm.

The dry air seemed to stand still. The only sound were walkers snarling. Somethings I forget how loud the world was. Airplanes, cars, trains, people running around. At times I missed it, but nothing beats he quietness of this world.

I closed my eyes.

Maybe the sound of walkers could be put aside if I couldn't see them. As I closed my eyes, I felt a huge gust of wind push my hair backwards but the stench of flesh filled my nose making me almost want to hurl. Then as I continue to shut my eyes, images popped into my brain.

Amanda's smile.

Maggie and I smiling as we walked alongside the road.

Hershel waking up.

Daryl's lips. His eyes. The way he held his crossbow when we spoke. His greasy hair messed up from sleeping. The way he smirked when I gave me a sarcastic comment. He was perfect, yet, our fear made us distant.

"We lost ya in there."

Speak of the devil.

I carefully opened my eyes and looked over at him, his crossbow was on his back per usual and he wore his leather vest with the angel wings on the back. I gave him and kissy face and then exclaimed, "Miss me Dixon?" Then winked.

He huffed and then shook his head, "nah, just making sure you ain't beating yourself up out here." He then looked out at the huge field of green and then sat down beside me. I didn't dare look over at him but it felt nice to be in his company.

"So those prisoners in another cellblock?" I asked trying to keep our conversation off of Hershel, Daryl shrugged and then mumbled, "the ones left." This caused me to snap my head over at him and lift an eyebrow, "how many are left?"

"Two."

"Biters?" I asked but Daryl shook his head, "one yeah, but the one you were eyeing, he was off his rocker. Crazy sun of a bitch. Nearly killed Rick. He's gone, so Is one of his buddies. The two that are alive didn't seem to like their leader." He explained what had happened, I nodded understanding before looking out in front of me again.

The sky seemed to be bluer today. It felt like a painting that I was trapped in. I then felt a hand on mine. I looked down to his Daryl had extended his and placed it on top of him gripping my hand tightly. I looked over at him who avoided my glance but then said, "about what you said, before everything happened. I never have regretted our kiss, or anything else." With that, he stood up and walked back towards the cellblock leaving me alone with my thoughts.

After spending a couple more moments outside, I finally decided to go back into the cellblock. Everyone looked calmer as they sat at the tables all around. Bowls were passed around with food and that's when I realized how hungry I was. My stomach growled as I walked over to a table where Carol sat. She looked less worried than earlier but still on edge. When she noticed me she gave me a warm smile and then passed me a bowl of peaches.

"Wearing Daryl's poncho? What's wrong?" She asked motioning towards my body as I tensed up, "what do you mean?" I whispered putting a peach into my mouth.

Carol huffed in frustration and then took the bowl back, "you wear that when something happened or you need to be calmed down." She pointed out, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"What? I wear it because it's comfortable." I argued but Carol didn't looked convinced. I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest, "this is totally unrelated but if you should know, I'm stressed because this place is too good to be true." I admitted and Carol looked around and then nodded in agreement, "but we have it, so let's try to take it day by day."

I sighed and then took the bowl back.

"You get done what needed to be done?" I asked her about her experiment earlier today. Her eyes became softer as she looked down at her hands and nodded slowly.

"As much as I could."

"Good." I whispered before I heard a clearing cough and looked over to see Rick standing about to give us a speech. I saw Daryl leaning on a wall beside him, his eyes caught mine before he looked at the ground.

"Today was a good day everyone. We got food, supplies and Hershel has woken up. We proved that we can prevent a walker infection before it spreads throughout the body." He exclaimed as we all clapped cheerfully and then quieted down for him to continue, "tomorrow, Glenn, T-Dog, Carol, and Daryl will clean out the main area outside. Make it cleaner for us to go outside. Maybe we could move some cars to make a sort of barrier for the gate. I hope you all sleep well tonight because we are just getting started." When he finished, he sat back down and then I looked back at Carol who was picking her nail, "hey. Hershel is awake now. No need to be hard on yourself." I reassured her but I could tell she didn't believe me.

I know how hard it was to believe the best outcome in this world. It was hard for me to even believe that I would have a good dream. Fear is what controls us and it's going to be the thing that kills us.