Sunshine

45

What happens when you've given up? When you feel that cold blade against your neck but you don't care if it slices into you. All you care about is that your family is safe. The ones you love will live on. They will beat the world because you couldn't. That's all I care about.

After everything, I laid in bed with Daryl. Our exposed bodies entangled together as I searched his eyes to find out what he was feeling. I wish I could dig inside his head, "Rick tell you about Carol?" I asked as I looked down at me and placed a strain of hair behind my ear. He nodded before looking up at the ceiling.

"Daryl?" I asked preparing for the answer to this question I was about to ask.

He looked back down at me and lifted his eyebrow, "yeah?"

I let out a breath I was holding and then whispered, "do you want kids?" His sudden stiffness made me sit up and look into his eyes. He sat quiet for a moment and then sat up and leaned his back against the wall beside us, "I haven't thought about it much. I mean course I thought about it but like with that it's usually with the world not a shithole." He admitted and then his eyes got wide as he looked down at my stomach and then back at me, "wait are you?"

I shook my head, "I thought- I took a test, it was negative." I blurted out which made him tilt his head in confusion, "what?" Was all he said.

He then stood from the bed and put on his pants before pacing the room, I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, "Daryl, I didn't tell anyone. The only person who knew was Michonne and that was because she saw me-" he cut me off, "Michonne knew? The whole time we were out there." He motioned towards the gates outside and then he chuckle sarcastically and shook his head groaning.

"What are you getting so worked up about D? It was negative."

"What if it wasn't Sunshine?" He snapped and I sighed and shrugged, "I would've told you but why get you worked up about it unless there was something to-"

He shook his head, "no, that's not an excuse. I'm your- we should- I don't even know. If you even had da thought you should've told me." He growled and then leaned against the wall, "I need to go on a walk." And before I could protest, he left the room.

So much I wish I could've said. So much I wish I could still say. If I could change any moment in my life it would've been this moment right here. Ran outside and took his arm. Or maybe if I knew- if only I had known. I would've just kept my mouth shut and held him tighter. Kept him close and fell asleep listening to the sound of his breath.

Hindsight.

He never came back, so I fell asleep.

The woke up the next morning to Michonne. The sun was barely up when she asked if I could help her drag the dead bodies out of the cell. Of course I didn't resist. So I pulled the truck around and started to load the bodies inside the bed. The sun began to rise and with it so did everyone else. Since the medicine came, people been getting better. The sickness was being lifted. Glenn was getting better, Lizzie. It seemed like life was coming back.

It didn't.

Daryl ended up coming out and helping us move bodies. He didn't look my direction at all. I wish I said something. I wish I grabbed him and pulled him aside to tell him that I might not be able to have kids. Or that I loved him unconditionally forever. All I did was stay silent. Until he left to go help Rick.

"Trouble in paradise? Isn't it supposed to be the honeymoon stage?" Hershel asked from beside me, I sighed and then coldly said, "not now."

Michonne gave me a look before handing me the keys, "maybe you and Hershel should take these out. Talk a little about what's going on." I glared at her but now I would thank her.