Sunshine

37.

Gearing up for war is how you would think it feels like. Anxiety wrapped around me like a tight blanket. The feeling that they could just throw grenades or snipe up in the comfort of their own vehicle made for nightmares every night. I would always find myself wondering the cellblock at night, keeping watch out in the distance. Daryl had tried to calm me down but it sometimes made it worse. One night, I woke up sweat dripped down my forehead. I didn't wake Daryl, which were the best because then I wouldn't have to worry him. I carefully left the bed and headed downstairs into the common area.

"Bad dreams sweetheart?" I knew who it was even though I couldn't see their face. Their artificial hand made it very obvious along with his thick accent. I sat down on the bench of the table, the coolness helped my bodies temperature.

"Only saw the man once and now every night I dream he sneaks in here and finishes what he started." I rubbed my temples and closed my eyes trying to keep the tears from coming. I heard footsteps and then heard him sit beside me. I looked up and saw the outline of his head, "You make him happy." He suddenly said, totally disregarding what I said but I expected nothing less from him.

"I've never seen my baby brother this happy. We had issues growing up, with our old man. Our mama passed away when he was young. Man, we've been through it. Yet, you make him- smile." Merle paused at his own words taking them in before pressing his hand on my arm, "I'm sorry for what I put ya through, both ya and Glenn. I didn't have to bring ya two back but I did. The governor, he's crazy. He won't stop until everyone in this prison is dead. He knows how much you mean to us all. Man, I only knew ya for a day and I couldn't take my mind off ya. We need to kill him because he will finish what he started with you, but this time, he'll do it in front of everyone who loves you. My brother, that old man, james, me. Make them watch as right after he finishes will shoot you in the back of the head. He has no remorse, he doesn't hesitate. That's why I can't sleep, I don't want anyone to die."

His words echoed in my ears up through the next day. I sat motionless on a bench in the courtyard. I kept watch as Daryl, Rick, and Hershel talked. Something had happened, stuff was said but I would never know. Because my anxiety had gotten a hold of me, it felt like the farm. After I lost Amanda. It felt like I already had lost the prison, everyone I've loved.

I've played out Merle's words in my head every minute. The governor laying his hands on me as he touched me the way Daryl touched me. Except, I was crying. I was suffocating as they all watched me. Then blackness, my body falling limp as they all tried to come at him but Woodbury's army gunned them down before they even made an inch towards him.

Without taking my eyes off a small pebble on the ground, I heard someone sit beside me. He leaned his crossbow on the bench and moved a piece of my hair from my face. I didn't move, I felt like if I took my hands off the bottom of this bench I would fly away. He then softly spoke, "you left last night." I remained still, "Rick told me something, it's a way to make this stop, a way to survive." That word made a spark ignite in my body. I quickly turned towards him, laying my eyes on the worried looking hunter. I waited for him to continue, "the governor wants Michonne-" but before he could finish I interrupted, "we gotta do it." He nodded slightly, "Rick already made up his mind. He's gonna do it. It will avoid a fight, avoid more people dying." I couldn't help but feel guilty for the life we were destroying, but the image of the governor killing everyone else sinked away slowly.

We heard the sound of people leaving the cellblock, Glenn's eyes caught mine. He waved for Daryl to come help. I looked at Daryl with a small smile before bringing him into a small kiss. He wrapped his hand around my wrist that was cupping his cheek. Once I pulled away I whispered, "be careful." He gave me a weak smile back, "you too." Before he stood up and walked over to Glenn, Maggie, and Michonne. Once they were gone, I stood up and made my way into the cellblock.