Do Better

20

                               Mamé's POV
"Fuck!"

I woke straight up from my sleep after hearing Yatta yell. I turned over towards him to see that he was up from the bed, sweaty, and pacing back and forth.

"Baby, you okay?" I sat up, eyeing him as he mumbled under his breath.

"Nah, blood. Fuck!" He spoke again, rushing towards the balcony door.

I got up from bed and slipped on my furry house slides, walking out to the balcony along with him. I was immediately hit with the beach weather. The cool, outside air woke me up a bit, as I watched as Yatta leaned over on the railing. He stared out into the night sky, shaking his head.

"Are you okay?" I asked, inching closer to him.

"I'm finna throw up." He spoke, putting his head down a bit.

"What happened? Was it something you ate?" I stood by him, trying to make eye contact with him. He wouldn't even look my way.

"Baby, what's wrong? Talk to me." I placed my hand on his back and began to rub it gently.

He turned towards me, making eye contact so that I could see his teary eyes.

"Aw, baby." I cooed as I looked up at him.

"I had a bad dream, Mamé." He spoke, shaking his head.

"About what?" I asked.

"My brother." He spoke, passing by me to sit at the lounging couch by the balcony door.

I stood in place for a second, in search for what to say to him. I finally made my way to join him on the couch, before speaking again.

"You wanna talk about it?" I asked.

He didn't respond nor make eye contact with me. I didn't mind though. Instead, I watched him intently as he stared off onto the beach. The cool breeze made me adjust my silk robe, getting comfortable on the couch.

"They were flashbacks of us together, growing up." Yatta started off. "When we were kids, always getting into shit." He chuckled.

"What's fucking me up is that we both got older, and we were at one of my shows. We were both getting T'd up on stage in front of a large ass crowd, probably the biggest audience I've been in front of. My brother knew all the lyrics to my song, and we were dancing and just acting a fool." He chuckled again, letting a tear fall.

"Blood was telling me how happy and proud he was of me. I'm telling you, Mamé, it felt so real. We were backstage and all, chopping it up with everybody. I'm talking, he was flicking it up with you and playing with our kids. He was with Gigi..." His smile slightly dropped. "It felt so real, Mamé. Like he was really here with me."

I nodded, sitting quietly as I let him continue to get everything off his chest.

"It's been 11 years, Mamé. 11 years and this shit still eats me up every single day. It still feels fresh. I'm left thinking about what could've been, wishing he was still alive, wishing we both could've celebrated this success together. It's like no matter what I do next, I can never fully appreciate it because in the back of my mind I'm thinking that my brother should be here too. I just don't understand, Mamé. How people can move on with their lives after losing someone, and I'm stuck on my brother who has been gone for over a decade?" He shook his head before continuing.

"I know this might sound wrong, but in this moment I just wanna forget about him. I don't like thinking about him because it just reminds me of how he died in vain."

"No baby, no he didn't. Don't say that." I spoke, watching him intently.

"I ain't even get the niggas that got him, Mamé! Fuck kind of brother am I? As much as I say I'm CorkoLandKrazy, I should've been done that."