Conflicted Eyes, Confusing Feelings | Complete

Conflicted Eyes, Confusing Feelings Thank You + Important Note💓

Hey, you!

Don't be a meanie 😒Go back and vote on the chapters you missed💀

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Meeting the right person at the wrong time is still the wrong person.

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Conflicted Eyes, Confusing Feelings started with letters and a quote, so I thought it'd be appropriate/symbolic to end it with one too.

From entries in Yokai to Love, Sage has been working up his courage over the entirety of the book to confess his feelings to Xander, and that's where the letter addressed to him came into significance. Conflicted Eyes, Confusing Feelings is a book with two guys trying to work out their feelings for each other (one confused, being Sage, the other conflicted, being Xander), and when they figured out their feelings, external forces played a major hand in their relationship and ultimately drove them apart. The letter was the last part of their story.

This ending isn't happy, but it isn't sad anyway. It depends on your perspective, be it whether you wanted Sage and Xander to be together, or if you wanted them to 'break up'.

Contrary to popular belief, love isn't all you need, and ultimately, some things are more important than love anyway, like getting better. Sage and Xander are 'perfect' for each other (again objectively, it depends on your standpoint), but they met at a bad time. Yes, they love each other, but they're both immature, inexperienced and damaged. They don't know the meaning of love, neither of them is ready to be in a relationship.

Love isn't always enough, and that's the harsh truth.

Sometimes it's about support and taking a step back from what you want or the other person. It's never perfect, and the individuals involved aren't either.

Assuming that either is true is a skewed perspective (based on infatuation, a simple crush, or falling in love with the idea of someone). Nobody is perfect, no relationship is perfect, and that's okay.

But then again, what do I know?

I'm just a person that so happened to conceive this idea and convey this story from start to finish (a round of applause for taking over 2 years to finish). I brought Xander, Sage, Randall, Carter (etc) to life, and as imperfect, annoying and human as they might be, I love them. I refer to this book as a trainwreck, and even though it's light years from perfect, I love it and I'm proud to have written it. I'll probably look back and cringe because of the writing style and the abundance of plotholes, but eh, it's life💀

I must admit that writing this book was no walk in the park. A mindset that helped me get through was this: the first draft doesn't have to be perfect, nor does your story in general. So if you're hesitant about starting a book of your own, just bear this in mind.

A little history:

In the original story (the one-shot), everything was a little different. Sage's diary was still exposed and Xander, Carlos, and Samir (Carter) bullied Sage. Xander was the 'leader' of CXC instead of Carlos. It happened in that version that Xander and his mother (she was alive in that version) went to Sage's house for dinner because Cecilia and Anna were friends. Xander walked in on Sage naked, Xander kissed Sage and they ... well ... you know 😅

It was another trainwreck, to be honest. Notable differences:

1. Xander was gay in that version. He was from a religious family and was so far up in the closet vs this book, he's straight/demisexual. Maybe he's more of a demi seeing that he was physically attracted to Sage after they'd already began connecting emotionally. What do you think? *Congratulations to those who guessed it*✨

2. Xander and Sage were fück buddies, Randall was in love with Sage (people also said Xander was abusive lmao) vs this, well their relationship was 'it's complicated'. Would you consider them to be exes?

3. Sage was waaaay less innocent. In this version, I had to disinfect his thot persona and replace it with a whole lot of sugar, innocence, and spices into the batch (yikes). Xander is... Well, he's still a hoe.

I prefer the real thing. It's just interesting to see how much this book changed, and not only that but the character development too (I like to think I did okay💀)

In the beginning, Xander was depressed, suicidal. He wasn't looking for love, especially with another guy. For the span of the book he was conflicted, insufferable at times, and afraid of his feelings, being his mother's death, a loss he hadn't mourned (hence his complicated grief), and his feelings towards Sage. By the end, he's still depressed but he's ready to admit that and get help. He sorted through his conflicted feelings and could finally not shut down when expressing himself.

As for Sage, we all knew what a nervous wreck he was (sweetheart nonetheless). Like most people, he had an idealistic view of life and love. We got to see him develop over time into someone Xander couldn't push around anymore. Yay for Sage 💖

Want to know if Sage ever came back or if they all met up again (and everything that happens otherwise)? Read the three-part epilogue (coming soon😊).

But if you're happy with the ending, you don't have to. The story technically ends here, and the epilogue chapters are just extensions to the original plot.

Thanks for being a part of their journey! I feel honored to have you, and I hope to see you soon💓 Take care! 😚🏳️‍🌈