Heartbeats || H.S. [ONGOING]

{one}

Two years. It was two years since she saw him. They told each other they would keep in touch, but it didn't work out so well for them. Harry's divorce took over a year to finalize and by that time Niko wasn't sure where they stood anymore. She didn't call, she didn't write. Well, she supposed she did write, she just never sent them.

It started out as a way of coping — the letters. She would write down her feelings and thoughts so as to not bottle them up inside her. It helped a lot in the beginning, but sometimes the best laid plans don't always work out the way they're supposed to.

...

Hi.

Sometimes I can't justify my feelings. I hate it. I'm a mess. I just miss you a lot. And I've been thinking about you a lot lately. Remembering when you told me, no matter what our situation was, that we'd have something no one else in the world could ever have. And we did.

And I want it now, more than anything. Not in the previous intense way, but something more suited for us, for now. I just want to sit down with you right this very second and drink coffee and talk about our lives and what we've been doing and how much we miss each other. Because I miss you more than you could ever know.

And I want to lay with you, just to be near you. We don't even have to touch. I just want to breathe you in and know you're okay and know you're safe. We could sleep, we could dream, we could love. Tell me you want this too... just a little bit.

I miss you, Harry.

You meant the world.

Yours,

Nikola

...

Surprisingly enough, Niko and Louis kept in touch on occasion. When he went on a solo tour, he actually put her on the guest list for his show in New York that next spring.

Harry was supposed to be there that night, but Julia couldn't take the kids because she had to stay late at work — or so Niko heard from Louis. It made her want to drive to New Jersey to see him, and Jackson and Avery. But she didn't and they only grew further and further apart.

...

Harry,

A year ago you were in my arms. I can't say I haven't missed you. You're all I want and it breaks my heart. Today is a sad day. I've just stayed in bed and wept. I don't know if this puts me in the category of pathetic, but I know I am somewhere close. Every time people ask me if I'm okay, it's just a reminder that I'm not.

It can't get much worse. I feel like I am falling apart and I need you to put me back together.

I just miss you.

I need you.

I love you.

Yours forever,

Nikola

...

To pass the time and to feed her depression, Niko spent hours listening to Harry's old music — all the same songs she listened to with his kids. And hours watching One Direction's interviews and concert videos. YouTube had a wealth of videos for her to get lost in. And she did.

It was a bit odd to watch him when he was so young, but it was still Harry. If she couldn't have him in real life, then she could watch him through the power of technology.

She was beginning an obsession and she knew it — but she didn't care.

...

H—