Wildcard | ˢᵖ ᵗᶠᵇʷ

xi. Keys

You three entered the back room, which reeked like piss and stuff. Mountains of cages with cats in them, mewling begging to get out of their cages. You quickly covered your nose with your sleeve, "HOLY GUACAMOLE! What is this?!" Scott screamed in horror, and texting Cartman about the cats. The boys were listening something through the door, you just stand there, spacing off until a certain something caught your eye. It was an item, slightly glimmering. You picked it up to take a closer look at it, you asked Lyn to examine the item in your hand. "That's a spell item, it used to be a fusion spell, only locked to specific personas."  she replied, with you taking a good look at it. Huh, the more you know. What is it called? Cadenza? I think that's it.

You hear Scott breaking the door, which you turned and followed him and Douchebag. You three were led into a room filled with drunk middle-aged men and Classi gathered around a table playing poker, judging by the chips set on the table. They were playing until they noticed you three, pocketing the spell item not wanting to accidentally use it not on time. "See, I told you the cops were chasing me!" Classi yelled to one of the men, who got pissed off. "And you led them here, you stupid bitch?!" He spat at Classi, who didn't take it lightly and snapped at him for calling her a bitch.

"The jig is up Classi!" Scott announced.

"These kids are cops?!"

"That ain't no cop... That's Captain Diabetes!" The big man with his back faced to you turned around and stood up. "When he was born his mom farted on him during labor and it gave him diabetes that he uses to fight crime!" Is he kind of some retard? No one can get diabetes due to farting in one's face! Wait— How did he even know that?!

"That is NOT how people get diabetes!" Scott snapped, with you nodding in the background.

"If they aren't cops- Then we can shoot 'em! Along with this BITCH too!" He pointed to Classi with his gun and the fat man earlier got his pistol, by reflex you also whipped out your evoker. With Lyn muttering in the background that she should've given you a pistol instead of a rocket launcher, you were waiting for someone to pull the trigger but instead heard something else.

Screaming? Scott's screaming was octaves higher than this so it wouldn't be him, Douchebag almost never screams so it can't be him. It was also a wee bit sloppy and it sounded familiar, you turned your head to see Mr. Marsh holding the man with the gun up in the air demanding for his car keys. His pants were hung low in the ground almost touching his ankles, a glass of red wine in his hand, with a myriad of scratches on his face, snot running down from his nose, bloodshot eyes, his hair a mess and his cheeks were tinted pink as a rose. Not exactly the best state to be in. The man answered that he doesn't have them and Randy knocked out all of the four italian mafiosi in just a few punches. You put back your evoker with a sudden grip from Classi, she pulls you towards the back of the room. Even though you three were chasing after her, she still had sympathy for her fellow lady. The beaten men got up and quickly rushed out of the room, Randy turned to face you all.

"All right Captain Diabetes, Phantom Rose... This is it... Give me... My FUCKIN' keys." He slurred you remembered that you gave Douchebag the keys earlier, whispering to him that he should hide it somewhere more safe.

"YOU are in no condition to drive!" Scott yelled at him.

"Please Mr. Marsh! We don't want anything bad to happen to you nor to anyone else!" You managed to cry out.

"Then... DIEEEEEEEE!" Randy yelled and took a chug on his wine.

Battle starts with Cartman and Kyle appearing out of nowhere, you've somewhat gotten out of Classi's grip and joined the fight. In the very first turn he tried to attack Kyle, but you were too fast and blocked his attack with your blade.

'New skill acquired! "Impenetrable Block!"' 

A new skill? NICE. This could be useful, but you have to focus more on the task at hand. As the fight goes on, you would hear Classi cheering him on to attack the boys except you, which is why your health bar is still full. You would occasionally switch personas to use buffs on the boys and de-buffs on Randy, "Rakunda!" you chanted as you pulled the trigger, Eurydice's entity showing up behind you and enchanted Randy with a defense de-buff.

Randy was sending a text to Sharon whilst mumbling things under his breath and telling Siri to send her a message telling her to fuck off, instead Siri heard something else and wrote it down. You felt bad for Stan and Sharon.

Once in every few seconds in Randy's turn he would pull out a magic wine bottle from his arse and take a big chug from it and throw it towards the ground. Perhaps you would call this 'Unlimited Wine Works' crappy joke I know. This has to be one of the weird things that happened in your life, first finding out that Douchebag has special fart powers and seeing your friend's father in his tighty whiteys, that's life for you.

It wasn't long after spamming your team with buffs and Douchebag taking the final blow by hitting him with fireballs. Randy groaned out in pain and stumbled out the door, murmuring something about taking a cab home. Scott triumphantly stated that no one should be drunk while driving on his watch.

"All right, all right, shit!" Everyone settled down, wanting to hear what Classi has to say. "Look, all I know that there's a kingpin trying to get new high grade drugs on the streets!" All of you looked at each other obviously confused, "It's somebody trying to bring the Italian and Chinese crime families TOGETHER and shit!" That's bad, real bad.

"Enough talk where is Scrambles?" He pulled out the missing poster and pointed to it.

"Scrambles?!"

"We need this reward money for our superhero franchise." You facepalmed at the answer. He could've just asked you for money since your family's rich and all.

"Oh shit, y'all just wanted a cat?" Classi rolled her eyes.

One thing led to another and brought Classi to the Coon lair with you, you stood like earlier since you didn't have a seat in their table. 

"So then there's Cisco. He just some low-class asshole, started workin' two months ago. He be talkin---" You began to feel your eyelids heavy as Classi rants about something. You couldn't care less, so you dozed off while leaning against the stairs.

"Okay..." Everyone looked uncomfortable in the moment, while you were sleeping peacefully leaning on the stairs.

You felt Craig poking your sides as you jolted up, still a bit drowsy. You let out a yawn while Classi was talking, it's not you were uninterested it's just these past few nights have been making you tired as fuck.

"I'm sorry, but, what about the cats?" Cartman politely tried to pause her rant. That's new.

"Oh, the cats? Okay, that's this little Asian freak named Yakibaba or some shit. He's going around payin' all these Senior kids to take people's cats. That's fucked up! I think takin' that pussy like takin' mine, you know what I'm sayin'? That's like criminal shit."

"Where do the cats go?" Kyle asked

"I can tell you... But I ain't saying SHIT until I know I'm safe, you understand?! These niggas ain't playin' and I need to know you gonna protect my ass!"

"ERIC CARTMAN!" Mrs. Cartman's voice rang from above as you jolted, wide awake. She stepped down a few steps. "Do you have any idea what time it is?! This is a SCHOOL NIGHT?!" She puts her hands on her hips, you've actually never seen her this angry before.

"Mom, not now. We're on to something." Cartman calmly replied.

"You kids all get home NOW or I'm calling your parents!" That wasn't possible since your father's overseas. But wanting to go to sleep made you go straight home, you bid farewell to everyone and went out with Kyle. He waved his hand goodbye and so did you, telling him goodnight. You retreated to your home, painfully exhausted.

Lyn calls off her persona as sleep also had began to take over her. She heads upstairs, now in her pajamas. You also head to your bedroom, changing into your pajamas while you dozed off the night. Your phone went off, signaling a text. You were asleep so you couldn't see it, you got a text from Alphonse.

Alphonse:
You have unlocked the social link for the Heirophant Arcana.