Sam and Colby: The Penitentiary

9

"Oh, fuck it," I whispered. I hopped off of the counter and walked up the stairs, pausing at the top step to listen to what was happening.

                "What the fuck is wrong with you, man? All you wanted was for her to come back, and now she's here. But all you did was fucking stare at her! How do you think she feels?" Sam yelled.

                "How the fuck do you think I feel! I didn't know if I was ever going to get to so much as speak to her again! All I've done for the past three months is sit around and feel like a complete idiot for fucking everything up!" Colby yelled back. I heard Sam sigh and his voice softened.

                "Colby, brother. You've felt bad all of this time because you knew there wasn't anything you could do. But now she's here. And yeah, maybe you did fuck everything up. But you won't know that until you at least try to fix things," said Sam.

                "I just... God, I wish I could take it back. All of it," said Colby.

                "What do you mean by all of it?" asked Sam.

                "I mean all of it. Everything. I wish I'd gotten into the right car on that day, not hers," said Colby. My heart dropped. He wishes he'd never met me?

                "Colby, what the fuck are you talking about? You love her, man. Anyone can see that," said Sam.

                "I'm not saying I don't love her, Sam. Of course I love her. So damn much. But what I mean is that I wish she didn't love me," Colby replied.

                "What does that even mean?" asked Sam.

                "I mean that her life would be so much better without me. I messed up and pushed her away for literal months. That girl is the best person in the world. I have never met any girl better than her and I never will. But she could undoubtedly go find anyone she wants. She's fucking perfect, dude. And don't you disagree with me on that part. There are so, so many guys that would kill to get with her. Guys that are better than me," said Colby.

                "I—you're kidding, right? Colby, how do you think she felt when she first met you? The same fucking way. You also have girls that'd take you in a heartbeat. But you don't want other girls, and she doesn't want other guys," said Sam.

                "Then why did she post a picture with that guy?" asked Colby.

                "He was clearly the one who took the picture and I wouldn't be surprised if he's the one that put it on her story," said Sam. "And she's not interested in him at all."

                "How do you know that? And how did you know his name? She blocked us so there's no way she texted you about it and the girls didn't even know who he was," pointed out Colby.

                "I went to see her, okay? I didn't go to Kansas. Okay, actually, I did. But just because Alva is right by the border and the Kansas airport was closer," admitted Sam.

                "You... you what?" asked Colby.

                "Yeah. I went and saw her. She was with him at some party bonfire type thing and she clearly wasn't interested in him even though he was obviously interested in her. One of the first things she said to me was asking how you were and if you were mad," said Sam.

                "Did... was she happier there?" asked Colby.

                "No, Colby. I went inside and met her parents and her brother called her to get some help finding his way home because his phone died and he didn't have a light, and she said I could stay at her house while she ran out for a few minutes and got him. Her parents told me they were so glad I decided to come down. They said she'd been pretty miserable ever since she got there. They figured it was because of her dad, but he got better and she didn't. They said she hardly left the house except to go to photoshoots twice a month. She spent all of her time distracting herself with chores and four wheeler rides and shooting every day. When she wasn't doing those things, she was sitting in her room crying or blasting music.

                "They said she didn't really even talk much until her brother came to town since they're pretty close. Her mom asked about you, too. She knew that Nessa was beat up over something that happened between you guys. I didn't tell her much of anything, though. It's not my business to get involved in her family life like that. And you can be mad at me for lying to you about where I went, but I think we both know it was important that someone went down there to see her and make sure she was okay. It really broke my heart to hear all of those things that her parents said. They told me she just sort of faded and didn't ever quite come back.

                "But in the pool today? When she came up behind you? She had the biggest smile on her face. She lit up. She was so excited to see you, brother. Of course she loves you and honestly I think she always will," said Sam.

                "I just... God. I really hate myself right now. I just sort of blocked everything out when she left and now I keep replaying everything that happened that night. She tried to tell me about her dad but I didn't listen. And her face when I asked her... and the way she could barely even say no because she was crying... I've never seen her so sad and torn apart about something and knowing that part of it was because of me broke my fucking heart," said Colby.

                "You know it wasn't your fault she left, right?" Sam said.

                "My brain knows that but my stupid heart doesn't," said Colby.

                "Look, man. She's downstairs basically 7th wheeling with all of us right now. She hasn't said much of anything, she's not listening to what we're even saying, and she's not laughing along with any of us. She needs you and you need her," said Sam.

                "I've never needed anyone before. Not the way I need her. It's fucking terrifying to know that such a big part of me is her. I feel the same way about you, but it's different and you know what I mean," said Colby.

                "I know, brother. Will you please come downstairs? Or can I at least send her up here?" asked Sam.

                "Oh god, please don't send her up. I can't talk to her alone right now. I'll break the fuck down and I don't want her to know she hurt me. It'd hurt her to know that this is how I feel right now," said Colby. "Do you think she knows that I still love her? That I still want her?"

                "Of course. And she still loves you," said Sam.

                "But does she still want me?" asked Colby.

                "I can't answer that, bro. Reggie said she immediately noticed that you weren't staying in you guys' room because it was so damn clean," Sam said. Colby let out a soft laugh.

                "Smartest girl ever," said Colby.

                "No kidding. Now come on, let's go downstairs," said Sam.

                "Okay, fine," Colby sighed. I quickly turned around and ran downstairs as quiet and fast as I could, then resumed sitting on the counter and holding my White Claw can in my hand.