Sam and Colby: The Penitentiary

18

I ran up the stairs to the master bedroom, then burst in through the cracked door.

                "Colby! We're doing prank wars again!" I yelled in excitement. He didn't respond. I looked around for a second, not even sure where he was. I found him on the side of the bed facing away from the door, sitting on the ground with his arms crossed and his legs spread out in front of him. "What's up?" I asked. I sat down next to him and put my head on his shoulder, but he quickly shrugged it off.

                "Uh, okay. So why are we all moody now?" I asked. I just got back. I didn't want problems already. He still didn't say anything, didn't even look over at me. "Okay, dude. You and I both know I will sit here for as long as it takes for you to start talking. I will sit here for hours, much longer than you will. So save us both some time and just say it."

                "Did you come back for the series?" he asked.

                "For the series? Like, to go to the penitentiary?" I asked.

                "Yeah," he replied shortly.

                "I told you, I didn't even know where we were going until the same time you did," I said.

                "But you knew we were going on a trip," he pointed out.

                "Well, yeah, but—,"

                "It's just a little funny, isn't it? You're gone for months without a word and the second Sam comes down and tells you we're planning a trip, you show back up here not even a week later," said Colby. "Does the idea of a trip matter that much more to you than all of us do? More to you than I do?"

                "What the fuck are you even on? Even if I was only in this for the trip, I could have met y'all in Tennessee and skipped the hassle of coming out here to see everyone again and deal with all of these emotions and drama and moving all of my stuff back into this house," I said.

                "Then why did you come back when you did, huh? Why did you suddenly decide we were worth your time again?" he asked.

                "I—," I started. Fuck. What the fuck was I supposed to say to that? Yeah, I came back for the trip. But not just the trip. Colby was right, though. If Sam hadn't come down, I would still be sitting in my room in Oklahoma being miserable.

                I hadn't come back for Colby.

                "Yeah. That's what I thought," Colby said, shaking his head.

                "What, so you want me to live my life revolved around you now? You want me to choose where I live and what I do and who I'm friends with based on what you want?" I asked.

                "That's not what I said," he replied.

                "No. But what you did say is that you're all offended that I might have come back to do something I'm passionate about. So what if I did just come back for the trip? There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. I owe you nothing.

                "I didn't have to come back and still talk to you and still try to make this work between us. I said no to that stupid fucking question and I had every right to walk out without so much as a goodbye or a final glance. But I told you where I was going, I told you why I had to go. And yeah, I left for a long time and didn't tell you shit about if or when I was coming back. But guess what? I didn't have to. I did not and still do not owe you anything at all. Not an explanation, not a second chance at this, not a single fucking word.

                "But here I fucking am, Colby. Here I am. Sitting on the floor arguing with you. When I saw Sam in those woods... god, I don't know. It's like everything came flooding back to me. It reminded me that I belong here and this is my life and I still love you. I realized I didn't want to hide from you or anyone else anymore. I wanted to make this work out, okay? I wanted to come back and that's why I'm here now. Not because of some stupid fucking trip.

                "But if you're just going to be convinced that I came back without so much as a second thought about us, about you and me, then I will go downstairs right now and tell Sam that I'm out. I love you, dude. A lot. But you're not the only thing in my life, and you're not the only thing I love," I said.

                Colby stared down at his hands for a minute after I finished saying all of that. I honestly didn't blame him for feeling the way he did, but he didn't need to go hide and sulk about it.

                "Don't do that," he finally said.

                "Don't do what," I said more than asked.

                "Don't tell Sam you don't want to go. If anyone should pull out of the trip, it's me," he said.

                "Well good thing no one should," I said. He looked up at me, studying my face like he always did when he was thinking about what to say to me next.

                "I really don't want to say this. At all. But I'm going to," he said.

                "Uh, okay," I said. He took a deep breath and looked back down at his hands.

                "I am scared. Completely fucking terrified, actually. I'm scared that this is going to end. But I'm even more scared that you're just going to settle for me because this is what you're used to," he said.

                "Hey, Ness, did you want to—,"

                "Not now," Colby and I said at the same time, looking up at Tara in the doorway.

                "Sounds good," she said, backing out of the room and closing the door behind her.

                "Colby, if I didn't seriously want this to work, I wouldn't have come into your room the other night. Being in this house and not sleeping next to you? It's something I have yet to do and I don't ever want to," I said. Colby nodded a few times, still staring down at his hands and fiddling with his rings.

                "Vanessa?" he said.

                "Yes?" I asked.

                "I...god, I love you so much," he said. My lips lifted into a smile.

                "Yeah?" I asked.

                "Yeah," he said. I reached out and grabbed one of his hands, then brought it up to my mouth and kissed it.

                "Well I love you so much, too," I said.