Photographs (Luke Hemmings)

Chapter 43

(Luke's POV)

"From the first hello, all the way to the end," I read on the cover, my fingers running softly over the words. After I closed Bailey's journal, I took in a deep breath.

Once Bailey found out about her brain tumor, she made sure to document every moment she remembered, and experienced from that moment. Her journal documented the moment she met me, up to the night before she died. I wish she was able to write her thoughts up to the moment she passed, because I always wonder what she was thinking about. The doctors said there was little pain, but I wonder what the last thing to go through her mind was. If it was me, I will never know. But I do know that every night before I go to sleep, she's the last thought on my mind.

I wiped the tears from under my eyes, but there was no point because I found a small stack of photographs in the back of her journal neatly tucked away, which only made the tears keep coming. I looked through the photographs smiling at a few, but shedding tears at the others.

I recognized a lot of the photographs. There was some from the times we went to the beach I had showed her. There were pictures from Ashton's birthday party, and the ticket stub from the movie we went to with Ashton and Casey. There even were pictures from our trip to Australia. I never knew she had printed any of these out.

I smiled through the tears while looking at each photograph because she was smiling in them. Bailey's smile was the number one thing to get me to smile. If she was smiling, I would be too, no matter how much I hurt inside. The photographs made me feel as if she was still here. They made the rush of feelings I had when I was with Bailey, come back for just a mere second.

When she passed, my world was rocked. I never knew pain until I experienced losing Bailey. The world ripped one of the best things that I had right of my hands. The other best things I had were moments captured in the photographs I was holding. The best things were the memories I had with her, the feelings she caused me to feel, and the smile she put on my face.

Behind the last photograph was a small envelope.

Read when you're missing me and I am no longer here.

I never knew this envelope existed and I'm not sure if she intended to tell me, or if she intended me to find it myself.

Ever since she passed, I could barely stand to touch her stuff, let alone look at it. Tonight was the first night I had ever touched her things. Her shirts still smelled like her, her side of the room was the exact same and her office was organized the same way she left it. I didn't have the heart to move anything around. I couldn't even walk into her office without starting to cry. Tonight I somehow got the courage to just sit on her side of the bed, and open her night stand drawer, which held this journal.

I remembered talking to her dad when we had decided to move into this small apartment together. Her dad had told me that despite all the worries he had, he primarily agreed to us living together because he was happy that Bailey got to live with me for the time she had left. He knew she wanted to be an adult for the time she could.

We may have only been 18, but her dad said that he wanted to give Bailey all she could wish for before she died. Death was inevitable.

I took a moment to breathe before beginning to read the letter Bailey had left me.

Dear Luke,
I don't know how to start this letter. I've stared at this paper for hours trying to organize all of my thoughts. But you and I both know sometimes I have so many, they are overwhelming.

When you read this, I will no longer be with you. I will no longer be able to see your smiling face, and smile extra hard because your dimples give me the worst case of butterflies in my stomach. I can't feel your lips on mine or your touch, but you can still feel me. You can feel me there supporting you because that's what I want you to remember. I will still support everything you do, and everything you aspire to be. I will back you up 100% of the way even if i'm not physically there.. Don't let me hold you back.

I want you to do what makes you happy, even if that means letting another girl have your heart in the future. I want you to live your life without second guessing yourself, Luke. You were always there for me, and I could never thank you for all the happiness you put into my life. Even though you wish that my life could have had many more days, you made every day that I did have, worth it. I am madly, deeply, in love with you, Lucas Hemmings.

Be with who makes you happy, and continue to shine light onto the lives of others. You are special, Luke. You always gave your 100% at everything you ever have done, and that is just one of the things I admire the most about you. When life seems like it is too much to handle, remember me. Remember me telling you to take a breath, and that you can overcome anything that stands in your way. I don't want you to be sad about me. Take your time to mourn, and grief but know that I want you to be happy. I don't want you living each day with your head hanging low. The sight of your smile was my favorite, and that's all I ever want you to do. So Luke, remember I love you. Take things one step at a time, and that I will be there every step of the way.

You Luke Hemmings, made my life worth living and I can't thank you enough for all you have done for me. You may find someone else one day, who warms your heart just as much as you warmed mine, and I want you to hold on to her. I want you to live the rest of your life as happy as you can be.

I love you with every ounce of my being; don't stop doing what you're doing.
Yours forever,
Bailey Parker.

After reading Bailey's letter, I took one of the small pictures from the stack.

God I missed her. I missed her beauty, her laugh, her smile. I missed the feelings she gave me. I had never loved someone so much. I missed her more than anyone could ever imagine.

I looked down smiling at Bailey's beautiful smile in the photograph before folding it up and putting it right in my pocket.

-

One week later, Michael was over.

After losing Bailey; Ashton, Michael, Calum and I had started our own band because one of the things that held us together, tighter than anything else, was music. We had already been in a small 'band' for a while, but now we were beginning to take things seriously.

I found out it was a great way to express myself. I had written songs before, but I had never done much with them. Music made the pain of losing Bailey a little more bearable. Especially seeing as I got to play music with my three best mates in the whole word.

I was sitting on the ground in the living room, scribbling on a sheet of paper and playing on my guitar.

"Luke mate, what are you doing?" Michael asked sitting next to me after grabbing a drink from the fridge.

"I'm writing a song for Bailey," I said never looking away from my guitar and lyrics.

"For Bailey?"

"I'm writing a song for Bailey," I said sternly one more time.

-
A/N
WOW THE END!!!

if you're confused. this entire story, luke was reading through baileys journal that she had written of their story.
wow photographs is over and im super sad! I know this is a short chapter to end on, but I have good news!!

I HAVE A SEQUEL!
it's called Everything I Didn't say, and it's going to be this entire book AND MORE through Luke's point of view! it's gonna show all his thoughts and you'll also know what happens when and after Bailey dies!

I'm gonna post it soon, I'm not quite sure exactly when. hopefully next week! I have some editing to do. but I'm not done yet!

I'll post a chapter on this book when I'm gonna upload it.

thank you all for reading, I never imagined to have over 20k reads on this book! I hope you all don't hate me for how it ended, but I'm excited for everything I didn't say and I hope you are too!

If you have any questions, leave them here or tweet me (@procrashtonates)

you guys are all awesome
- Ricki x