I Will Never Let You Go (A Maxcer Fanfic)

Rain On The Parade.

Max was fortunate to have two sisters that cared about her having a good time. Even though they had different ideas for Max's baby shower, they made things work. Michelle had the idea to have it at a small catering hall that a friend owned; it was beautiful, but simple, which had always appealed to Max. Eloise was in charge of decorations, and she made sure not to over do the place.
The guest list was a bit longer than Max and Spencer were expecting, but they didn't mind; they were surrounded by friends and family, and that's all that mattered to them. Everyone was getting along very well, and all the kids were having a blast in the outdoor garden.
Spencer was outside with them, having a drink with the men. He didn't typically drink beer, but today he felt like he needed one. It had been over a month since the hostage situation at the mall, but every once in a while it would plague his mind for most of the day. For some unknown reason, he woke up that morning with the memory fresh in his mind, and he knew today was gonna be a long day. He put a smile on his face as people arrived, gave handshakes and hugs, hoping the excitement would ease his nerves somehow. It did for a while, but after he went to the bathroom and had a second to himself, the fear flooded his senses all over again. He decided that it would be best to keep a distance from Max in his state, not wanting to spoil the day for her. He chatted with the guys, watched the kids play, but for the most part he stayed quiet while he sipped his beer.
Morgan was watching his kids run around while he stood with the guys, but he definitely noticed Spencer's behavior. He didn't say anything at first, but once he saw Spencer walk away, he followed; wanting to have a chat with his good friend.
Spencer had led him back into the catering hall, but not in the room that most of the women were in. There was a smaller, glass room where the cake and presents were, but no one else was in there. Morgan watched as his younger friend walked up to the cake table, placed his beer down and shoved his hands into his pockets. Morgan could hear him inhale sharply and then he finally spoke up.
"You alright kid?"
Morgan walked farther into the room as Spencer turned around to face him. Morgan could see the look in his eyes, and knew that his friend wasn't at his best. He was a distance away that Spencer wouldn't feel cornered, but he was close enough that Spencer didn't have to raise his voice to be heard.
"What's going on in there Reid?" Morgan asked. Spencer sighed and rubbed his eyes. "Six weeks and three days ago, I got Max out of a hostage situation at the mall." It wasn't news to Morgan; he had asked Spencer about it, but back then he hadn't said much.
"I know. We talked about it at one point and then you never mentioned it again."
"Yeah, because I had nothing else to say. Max and I both went back to work, we've been preparing for the baby; I just thought whatever feelings I had would resolve themselves somehow, but they haven't. And now, I'm in here on the verge of a panic attack instead of being with my family." Spencer said, sounding defeated.
"Have you talked to Max about this?" Morgan asked. Spencer shook his head. "I mean, she knows I worry. But I told her I'd be okay. I just don't know exactly when that will be." Morgan stepped forward and put a hand in his shoulder.
"Reid, that feeling is going to always be there. You've seen too much for it not to stick with you. But right now, it's hitting you the hardest than it ever has because internally you realized that you have so much to lose. Now there is nothing wrong with being afraid; hell, I feel it everyday, because I know what's out there."
"How do you deal with it?" Spencer asked.
"Well first, you have to accept the fact that you can't protect them from everything. You can't beat yourself up if your kid or wife gets hurt, even though you may think you could've prevented it. Then I just spend time with Savannah, I play with my kids. I remind myself that they're happy and safe, and suddenly that fear lessens. But there will be times that it comes back, unexpectedly, sometimes with no reason at all. You just gotta accept the process when it does."
Spencer gave Morgan a small smile, tears starting to form in his eyes. Morgan pulled him to his chest, wrapping his arms around his shoulders. Spencer hugged his torso, letting the tears flow from his eyes. He cracked them open a little and saw a figure standing a few feet away by the door way.
"Everything alright?" Max asked, her voice sounding small. The men pulled away from each other and looked at her. Spencer wiped his eyes as Morgan clapped a hand on his shoulder again. He squeezed it, then walked out of the room, squeezing Max's shoulder on the way out.
"How's everything going out there?" Spencer asked. Max gave him a look as she walked up to him, wrapping her arms loosely around his neck. His eyes were red from him rubbing them and some of his hair had fallen in front of his face. Max ran a hand through it, sweeping it back to its usual place. Spencer just watched her face as she played with his hair, resting his hands on her bump. He leaned his neck forward and she connected her forehead to his. After a few moments, Spencer whispered "That day and how it could've ended still haunts me. And I know now I can't just shove it aside and hope it goes away." Max pulled away a little to look at his eyes. "I'm here, just think about that. And so is she," she said, gesturing to her belly. Spencer smiled, and for the first time that day, it was genuine. He spun Max around so her back was facing him and he had her lean against him. His hands lay on her bump, with hers resting on his. Spencer kissed her neck softly, making her shiver against him.
They stood like that for a few minutes, until Michelle walked into the room.
"Hey, there you two are. I believe it is nearing cake time."
They both looked up at Michelle, releasing each other from their embrace. Michelle picked up the cake tray and led them out into the main parlor, where everyone was starting to gather for dessert. Spencer had a hand on Max's lower back as they walked, feeling better after having his talk with Morgan. He saw him when they entered the room, giving him a smile as a thank you. Henry, Sammy and the pack of kids ran up to them, begging for Spencer to do magic after cake. He gave them the okay, and watched as they swarmed the adults by the dessert table. With a smile, he looked down at Max, who was wearing a smile of her own as she watched the room around her. Meeting his gaze, she pulled on his tie, bringing his lips to hers.