Jaded Between Shades

When the Line Blurred

                                                             15 Years later

"Jade I can't take this anymore! When the fuck is he going to grow up? I should be a mother right now, I should be at the least bit married! What the fuck is he waiting on? I mean I forgave him and he forgave me, what the fuck is the fucking problem" 

Jasmine screamed to me as I was laying on my bed in my apartment as she often does when she comes over about Andre when he's done something stupid. 

"You've dated each other for 15 years I know, but y'all have been through a lot."

"What is the point of being together this long if the end goal is never met?"

"What if he just wanted to be with you as the end goal?"

"Jade...come on..."

"I'm just saying"

"Yea well I'm not you, I want to be married and have kids like the rest of the world."

"And that's fine, but you have to agree those are big steps"

"It's been 15 fucking years Jade! I'm about to turn 29 in two days.  I will not be age 30 without a ring on this finger, if he don't fucking purpose within the next month or so I will start looking for someone who will. "

This might sound a little harsh, but she had a point. I'm not really for the domestic life, but I know that she is. And to anyone coming from the outside of this relationship 15 years with the same person is amazing just in general, but to dating someone and not being married for that long when you really want to be is horrifying. However, just as much as I know Jasmine, I know Andre. He already told me that he would be proposing at her birthday celebration, but of course I kept quiet.  Sure enough two days later...

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"Yes! Oh MY GOD YES!" Jasmine screamed and cried as Andre put ring on her finger. I cried as much as they did for many reasons. I was happy for them, but I was also sad. You see I love them as my friends, but there was one point in our lives where weren't just a trio of friends, we were a polyamorous relationship. And I know its cliche, we dated each other in college of course. However now this is different. I've literally watched them grow together so this feels like an ending of an era. Which also feels like the beginning of the end of us?  Jasmine will get her fairy tale ending and I will get what? Thankfully we were already at a restaurant so I ordered a double whiskey and quietly knock it back. 

The thing I love most about our friendship is that they know me just as much as I know them. They know that if they ever got married I am not repeat not going to be IN the wedding. I am not best man, not maid of honor, not even a flower girl so naturally they asked me to be the wedding photographer. One week later we had an engagement party for them at our favorite dive bar and grill. We had been going to this same place since we were 17 years old trying to use fake IDs.

Dave's Dine is and was our adolescent staple. Dave the owner is like a father to me. Compared to my actual father he is definitely of better sound mind. The day that we tried to do the fake ID to him, he knew it was fake a mile away. He looked at me said, "Is this real or no?" I don't know to this day how he would figure I would tell the truth but he did. I said quietly "No." He took us to the back where no one could see. "Don't say a word." He gave us wine coolers that only had about 5% alcohol,  and told us the stories of what happen to people at the diner while being drunk. Then he said, "Don't ever do that again. I know you are good kids, don't become like the others I see come in here." And We listened...for the most part. Jasmine and Andre still tried at a few places when we turned 18, but soon stopped, if they wanted to drink they would just ask me to ask my sister Riley who would oblige.