Jaded Between Shades

Going Deep In

                                                                                    Present Day

Its been a week since I finally ended things with Jasmine and Andre. It seemed everything was perfect..or so I thought. Zo and I have been spending a lot of time together, kissing, holding hands and going on a string of dates. We even went back to see Madam Simone for a lesson in Salsa, but I can't help the feeling of something being wrong. Not that I was a horn-dog or something, but why hasn't he tried to have sex with me? or at least 3rd base? My anxiety was starting to rise with each time are together and now I feel like I am jumping out of my skin.

"What's wrong baby?"

"I just...I don't even know how to say this without sounding...ungrateful."

"What's on your mind?"

We are at my place on my couch watching another movie. He had his hands around my waist, and I was feeling so good, but then realized by this time with another guy or girl I would've had sex at least 5 or 6 times. We've been dating for the better part of a month and he has not even tried to go past kissing and rubbing me over my clothes. This seems nuts. He's obviously a gentleman which is what every girl wants, but I am certainly not a virgin anymore and I wouldn't suspect he is...but maybe that's it. Maybe he is a virgin. Holy shit, but at 32?

"Why...um...how come you haven't tried to... have sex with me?"

This seems to give him pause enough that I start to think he didn't hear me or that he's actually a robot and finally ran of battery and has shut down. 

"Zo?"

I twist out of his arms to look at him. 

"Sorry, I just was thinking. In all honesty, I wasn't thinking about sex so I never tried to make a move on it or anything."

"Oh..." wow I don't know how to feel about this. I must not be good enough to have sex with.

We go back to watching the movie, I try not to cry. When the movie is over, I look to see that he has fallen asleep. I do my nightly checks turning lights off, making sure the door is locked. I get a blanket and put it over him. I go to the bathroom brush my teeth, take on of my toys and masturbate with tears in my eyes and go to sleep.

The next morning, I see a note on the bed from Zo.

"Sorry about last night. I was caught off guard. I'll have to tell you later when the time is right.  Zo"

Great, the one good thing in my life vanished. I can never have anything good. Just like normal I get up and head to work, and suffer through another day. Usually I look forward to our lunch break conversations, but of course Zo never called. He never called the whole day. Part of me wanted to head to Dave's but I knew if I saw him there with out him calling all day would just hurt worse. I went straight back home and poured a heavy glass of whiskey. Fluffer came out of his dog house and sat with me on the couch.

"Just you and me boy, cheers."

I passed out after listening to Solomon Burke crooning "Cry to Me" over and over. 

The next day, I get a call from Zo right before I head into work. Naturally I jumped on it. 

"Zo?"

"Hi Jade." He says with shy tone.

"Hi."

"So can you come over tonight? I have something I would like to show you."

"Yea, sure."

"Okay. Well I hope you have a good day at work today and I'll see you tonight okay?"