The TARDIS has parked herself in a small curtained-off alcove. The Doctor, Donna and I step out into the sunshine. The streets are lined with vendors of various goods.
"Ancient Rome. Well, not for them, obviously. To all intents and purposes, right now, this is brand new Rome" the Doctor says.
"Oh, my God. it's, it's so Roman. This is fantastic" the Doctor and I laugh "I'm here, in Rome. Donna Noble in Rome. This is just weird. I mean, everyone here's dead."
"Well, don't tell them that" the Doctor says.
"Hold on a minute. That sign over there's in English" Donna says, painted on the side of a barrow is two amphorae for the price of one.
"Are you having me on? Are we in Epcot?"
"No, no, no, no. That's the TARDIS translation circuits. Just makes it look like English. Speech as well. You're talking Latin right now" I say.
"Seriously?"
"Mmm."
"I just said seriously in Latin."
"Oh, yeah."
"What if I said something in actual Latin, like veni, vidi, vici? My dad said that when he came back from football. If I said veni, vidi, vici to that lot, what would it sound like?"
"I'm not sure. You have to think of difficult questions, don't you?"
"I'm going to try it" the Doctor and I nod as Donna goes to a fruit seller.
"Afternoon, sweetheart. What can I get you, my love?"
"Er, veni, vidi, vici."
"Huh? Sorry? Me no speak Celtic. No can do, missy."
"Yeah" she walks away.
"How's he mean, Celtic?"
"Welsh. You sound Welsh. There we are. Learnt something" the Doctor says as they all walk away.
"Don't our clothes look a bit odd?"
"Nah. Ancient Rome, anything goes. It's like Soho, but bigger."
"You've been here before then?"
"Mmm. Ages ago. Before you ask, that fire had nothing to do with us. Well, a little bit. But we haven't got the chance to look around properly. Coliseum, Pantheon, Circus Maximus. You'd expect them to be looming by now. Where is everything? Try this way."
"Not an expert, but there's seven hills of Rome, aren't there? How come they've only got one?" one big, bare-headed mountain. Then the ground shakes.
"Here we go again" the vendors hang onto their stalls as pottery falls and breaks.
"Wait a minute. One mountain, with smoke. Which makes this..."
"Pompeii. We're in Pompeii. And its volcano day" I say, the Doctor, Donna and I run back to the Tardis, but...
"You're kidding. You're not telling me the TARDIS has gone" Donna says.
"Ok."
"Where is it then?"
"You told us not to tell you" the Doctor says.
"Oi. Don't get clever in Latin."
"Hold on" I say, I go to the fruit seller "excuse me. Excuse me. There was a box. Big blue box. Big blue wooden box, just over there. Where's it gone?"
"Sold it, didn't I?"
"But it wasn't yours to sell."
"It was on my patch, weren't it? I got fifteen sesterces for it. Lovely jubbly."
