[wdw]sickfics

j.a.<how to keep going>

jack didn't know when or how he felt this way, but he was struggling. he had lost all his best friends in one day, sadly cheated on his girlfriend. no one wanted him around and he knew he deserved that.

everyone who once loved him, is now against him. the only person he feels that once him around is god, but not even him could relate to what jack was going through.

jack was constantly having a battle in his head. 

they told him he would never be good enough, he knew that.

they told him no one loved him, he also knew that.

he knew no matter what, he didn't wanna stay. how could he? everyone knows, friends make you happy, family makes you happy, hell the band made jack the happiest, but he ruined it, not just for himself, but for everyone. 

so here he was at 2 am trying to cry, but the tears wouldn't come out. he was slowly falling apart. what killed him the most is how he would never wake up to those beautiful blue eyes again, because once again. he lost those. 

corbyn meant a whole lot to jack and jack had to come home drunk one day and fight his own parents. that made corbyn leave him. 

jack thought all this made corbyn happy, but corbyn was also having battles in his head, but not as bad as jack. 

🥰

jack laid in bed staring up at the stars on his bedroom ceiling that had been there placed by corbyn. he smiled and hoped when he left, he would become one of those stars. he would be able to look upon corbyn and wish the best for him.

jack had it all planned out. 

he had everything set-up and when the clock struck 12, it meant it was his time. he knew he couldn't keep going, not in the mess he was in.

he got up from his bed and dangled his feet over the side. he picked up the picture frame from his nightstand, that held a picture of him and corbyn in it. in the picture jack was hugging him from behind kissing his neck. corbyn had the biggest smile on his face. 

jack let some tears fall down his face. he held the picture frame close to his chest near his heart and whispered a broken "𝕚 𝕞𝕚𝕤𝕤 𝕪𝕠𝕦". 

he let out a broken sob and sat the picture down. he wanted to pack it away, but that would make the breakup real and jack didn't want it to be real. 

jack got up and walked to the closet, he pulled out the knife that was located under all his dirty clothes, he picked it up and walked over to his desk. he sat down with the knife placed beside him. he picked up, pencil and paper and began writing.

dear people i hurt,

i know life has been hard for every single one of us. i have lived it for 3 years and have struggled every single way. being with you boys has taught me a lot, that no matter what, i have a shoulder to cry on, but recently those shoulders have disppeared and its all my fault. i wish i could say sorry, but my heart says not to and for now on im listening.

i always act happy, but granted there were many times when i wanted to die and i could hardly pull myself to my feet and all i could do was lay there, praying for the end that never came, but i always got up and it was always because of you.

to be fair, this is the first time, i've never actually wanted to write a note like this and i was honestly hoping this day never came, but seeing me hurt you was enough. you're probably scared of dying, but don't be i promise you its not scary. by the time you read this i'll be safely to the other side, wherever and whatever that is and sitting here as i'm writing this, thinking about the fact that i'll be gone soon, it's not that bad. i knew i was gonna die, why does it matter when? either way, i've lived, i've loved, and i've fucked up, either way, i'm leaving behind things i love to death and escaping some things i cant deal with.

I love you so much corbyn, don't let anyone ever tell you to change that "love" to a "loved" because it's just wrong. the love still exists, i promise you. even when i don't exist, the love still does, so don't worry okay? it's just me that's gone. the rest of it is still there. the things i told you, the conversations we had, and the glances we shared. they're all still real. the only thing that isn't is me.

thank you, to all you boys. thank you for teaching me wrong from right and being there when life was tough. please don't stop singing to me, sing to me every night, just like you used to. i love you boys so much, even though the feelings not mutual...at least not right now.

love, jack robert avery <3

after jack was done writing he sat the pen down and re-read over it multiple times, after he was happy with what he wrote. he got up and walked to the bathroom, knife still on nightstand. 

he entered the bathroom and shut the door, he stared at himself blankly for a few minutes until he heard loud sobs coming from his room, he looked up and raced out of the bathroom to meet corbyns red bloodshot eyes, which where once a beautiful bright color.

"how could you?" corbyn asked throwing the letter to the floor then picking up the knife. "did you not think about me jack? what if i walked in and found your dead body? my own ex boyfriend? why would you do this" corbyn yelled at jack clearly hurt and upset. 

jack fired back.

"because corbyn. how can i keep fighting and hurting people i love hm? i can't! i have hurt you and the boys once to many times. NOW GIVE ME THE KNIFE" he yelled at corbyn, trying to take it out of corbyns hand. corbyn pulled back. 

jack didn't know why after seeing corbyn cry, he still wanted to leave. he felt empty and scared inside and that's all he could take. "give me the knife corbyn" he said sternly. "or what huh? you gonna hurt me" corbyn said in a fragile voice while backing up against the wall. jacks eyes softened. 

i would never hurt you. he thought to himself.

"you won't get hurt if you just hand me the knife corbyn" jack said walking closer to corbyn. corbyn was trapped in between the wall and jack. "either way jack im getting hurt? do you realize what your going to do? your going to put self battle wounds to yourself and just to die? if you kill yourself jack, i will lose myself. i will lose my sanity, myself and most importantly you. i don't wanna have to go to you funeral? i don't wanna see the person i love and would do anything for laying there. dead. that would kill me jack." corbyn spoke only to get choked up on it all.

jack was beyond shocked corbyn felt this way still. 

"corbyn put the knife down." corbyn smirked and held the knife to his own throat. "corbyn what the fuck" jack yelled. "how does it feel jack? imagine if i just slit my own throat and fucking died right in front of you. just dead in your arms. how would that feel jack? fucking tell me" corbyn yelled out, giving jack a taste of his own medicine. 

"fucking terrible corbyn. i can't lose you." he yells out. corbyn throws the knife onto the floor. 

"you were getting ready to jack, to leave me, but permanently." corbyn says softly. jack pulls corbyn away from the wall and into his own arms.

"i know, i just don't know how to keep going"

"then let me teach you how" corbyn said smiling up at jack with his baby blue eyes, that where still kinda teary. "i love you corbyn and i'm sorry" jack said cupping corbyns cheek. 

"your gonna hurt me even more by saying sorry jack" corbyn says not breaking eye contact.

"why's that?" jack asks with confusion. 

"because i know you don't mean it"