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『 prologue. T IS FOR TRAUMA 』
𝐇𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐈𝐄 𝐅𝐄𝐋𝐓 𝐒𝐈𝐂𝐊 𝐓𝐎 her stomach, as she waited in the hallway sitting next to her younger brother who fiddled with a few metal pieces. The hallway was deadly quiet, after all they lived in a small town in the middle of Tennessee, and there wasn't much activity that went on inside the hospital. Whispers came from the door across from them, shuffling footsteps. A beeping noise.
Both Hallie and Harley knew what was happening. They were both prepared for the inevitable.
Their mother's passing.
Neither one talked.
Neither one cried.
They didn't make a noise, as they just stared off into space, Harley focusing on the screw he was fiddling with, Hallie not stopping him. She knew that Harley was trying not to cry, and he was doing a good job. Even for a ten year old he was able to hide his emotions well. And so did Hallie, even though she could feel the lump forming at the back of her throat, feeling the desperate need to gulp down water.
A few months ago, towards the beginning of the year, their mother had fallen ill. Cancer. That's all that Hallie really knew, even though she could probably comprehend the doctor's notes. She didn't want to though. Maybe if she had to do it for a class. But all she needed to know when it came to her mother, was how long.
Not very long.
Sure she had lived longer than they had predicted, but in the last few weeks it had seemed like their mother was already dead. She wasn't ever totally with them, spending most of her time in the hospital and leaving her children to live at home.
Hallie could tell her mother was in pain. And perhaps that's what hurt the most. Seeing her wonderful loving mother in pain. It made Hallie want her misery to end. Whether it was the result of her death, or some miracle. Her mother couldn't just leave her now.
"Hallie," a small voice spoke up next to her, and she turned to see her brother, still focusing on the screw, his sandy blonde hair falling in front of his eyes so she couldn't see the blue that looked nothing like her own eyes. He knew she was listening so he continued, "Do you ever hear back from MIT?"
She frowned, as he brought up the subject she wanted to avoid for the rest of her life. MIT. Her dream. The dream that was getting flushed down the toilet the longer she didn't look at housing, or sign up for a major. The one she didn't plan on following after tonight. The reason she needed a miracle.
Hallie knee what Harley would say, should he find out that she was giving up on her dreams. He would be disappointed no doubt. Would encourage her to let him stay with another family relative like their uncle, but Hallie would never do that. Not that she didn't trust her uncle. She just couldn't leave her kid brother alone. She was iffy on going before. Now she knew she couldn't go at all.
So, feeling her heart feel a pang I'd hurt run through it as she made her decision, she answered her younger brother, softly. "No. They didn't."
It hurt to say those words.
To give up on every dream she had ever had. The dream of going to college and becoming an engineer. She had lit a match, and set those dreams on fire and was watching as they turned to ash as her mother's heart rate monitor got slower and slower.
She was saying goodbye to the dreams of a five year old girl, when her father told her she would never make it, that she would fail and would never be an engineer or a scientist or a doctor. That she was a girl and girls didn't do that. She would be better off marrying and having kids. She was saying good bye to proving her father wrong about everything. About her. About women. She hoped someone else would take her place and do it for her though. Should he not already be dead.
There was a small silence between the two, as the pain in her chest grew. Harley spoke up again.
"They were wrong not to reply to you. You would've been great." Harley said and Hallie smiled, gazing at her hands resting in her lap, before reaching over and taking one of her brothers hands, and he let go of his screw and squeezed back, knowing she needed it.
Hallie jumped, as she heard a door swing open in front of them, before standing up quickly knowing what the opening door meant. It meant inside that room, on the left wall and facing East, was her mother, tired from the medication that had been sustaining her for months. She would had her eyes, the same color as her son's barely open, trying to stay awake for her kids sake. So she could say goodbye.
Harley stood up next to her, she Hallie walked behind him seeing a nurse nod at the pair, signaling it was okay to come in. His face was full of regret, and Hallie looked down, biting her lip to make sure she wouldn't cry, as she walked behind Harley, making sure a gentle reassuring hand was on his back at all times as he stood up, brother and sister making their way into the small room their mother frequented.
Hallie felt her heart pounding as they stepped in, eyes immediately drawn to the white bed her mother rested in, looking sickly. Her eyes were closed, her skin was even paler that the tan skin it had been only days ago, her lips were turning blue it looked like, and were dry. Hallie quickly turned her gaze to the monitor instead, not wanting to remember her beautiful strong mother this way. But looking at the monitor was an even worse idea, because she could see that her mother's heart was failing her.
All Hallie wanted to do was pull Harley close and tell him their mother was fine, for her mother to be fine and they would be home, like any normal Sunday, celebrating Hallie's victory. But they weren't.
They were here.
Already preparing for their mother's heart to fail.
The lump in her throat grew as sobs threatened to spill from her lips, and all she wanted was to openly cry, but when she say a few tears track down her brothers soft cheeks, she swallowed it down. She couldn't cry. She had to be strong.
For Harley.
For Harley.
( a / n ) : no, i didn't actually write the mother's death. call me lazy, but as i was writing what is now the ending of the prologue, i realized that that sounded like a good ending. so judge all you want, but I like it. it shows some of hallie's character.
