Tame me (18+)

Chapter 41: Guilt

I silently moaned as the warm water cascaded down my body, soothing the sore muscles of my shoulder and thighs. Last night was a real workout for me and  my whole body ached but more than my body, my vagina was legit screaming. I could imagine it cursing me for going at it for 5 hours without thinking of it once.
I'm sorry but Luca's dick is priority.

I groaned as I took a step towards the rack holding the bottles of shampoo. Every step hurt. But it was worth it. Hehehehe.

Diane and Kyle were returning today and I was in a pretty good mood and didn't want to see their dumb faces. Fucking bitches. I stepped out of the bathroom after 15 minutes of just mentally preparing myself for the day ahead. Yes, each day should start with a 15 minute prep talk in the shower. I don't make the rules.

I blow dried my hair and pulled on a pair of high waisted black jeans and a pretty lavender coloured cropped sweater. I slipped on my converse, grabbed my phone and walked out of my room. Luca's door was slightly ajar and I heard rustling inside. I pushed it open a little and smiled, staring at his back as he pulled on a grey tee. My eyes travelled down to his ass and I smirked. I slowly tiptoed my way to him and spanked him.

Luca let out a squeal.

I bursted out laughing as he turned around to look at me with wide golden brown eyes. He blushed and pushed his glasses up, avoiding my gaze. Awwww.

"Good morning, sunshine! " I smiled gleefully.

"Good morning uh... El. " I frowned at his tone.

"What happened?"

He avoided my eyes and turned around to find the cloth to wipe his glasses on.

"Luca, I asked you someth-"

"Why did you leave last night?" He murmured.

My heart broke a little at the pure sadness behind his words. He couldn't even meet my gaze. As if he was embarrassed to ask me that. How could I tell this guy that we shouldn't be cuddling? How could I tell him that I was scared? How could I tell him that I wasn't ready for this? How could I tell him that it broke my heart to leave him last night? How could I tell him that I love him?

"Luca, according to what we agreed upon, we shouldn't be doing this. All the cuddling and the mushy mushy shit we do, it needs to stop." I looked down, not wanting to look at him. My heart ached as I said all this but I couldn't continue to give him hopes. I cared about him and I didn't want to loose him. A relationship would ruin it all.

"Shit is bound to go wrong if we continue this, we decided on sex, let's keep it there. I don't want to complicate things between us." 

So many shades of hurt crossed Luca's face and all I wanted to do was vanish from there. It hurt me to do this. But I wasn't easy to love and I didn't know how to love. The difference between mine and Luca's personalities would cause problems and I -

"So this is just sex?" He asked next, his voice small and low.

I didn't want to talk about this right now.

"Luca, I-"

"I'd like a straight answer. " He said. His tone was now chillingly calm. Like he was almost on the verge of an outburst.

"Luca, listen to me. We agreed on sex. Why do y-"

"Why can't you just answer me?" He then proceeded to take several steps towards me until he was all in my face. I looked up into his angry eyes and wanted the ground to just swallow me up. "Is this just sex to you?"

Don't say it, don't say it, don't say it, don't say it, "Yes. Just sex. "

It was like something shattered in him. Luca's eyes were so easy to read. They spoke to you. They told you what he was feeling. As much as he tried to conceal his emotions at times, if you looked deeply, you could tell. Right now, I was wishing he didn't have that quality. I didn't want to read his eyes. I didn't want to see the pain so I looked away.