Table Manners

Self discovery

⚠️Readers warning❗️this chapter may be uncomfortable for some people, explicit content. Read at you own free will⚠️

*8 years ago*

"How much is this?" The sales clerk looks at me puzzled, she grabs the item from my hand and rings it to check the price.
"It's $19.99" I look around the store making sure nobody entered, I slapped my $20 bill on the counter. I could barely even see over the it. Why are 'Spencer's' counters so fucking high?

"Have a good one" the lady says. I take my bag and scurry out the store. I exit the mall. I don't want anyone to see me.

I get onto the bus eager to get home, and nervous. But more so eager. "I hope mommas not home" I say pulling the cord. Alerting the driver my stop is next. I get off and run home.

I unlock the door, run up the stairs, into my room and lock it. I look out my window in the driveway to see if mommas car is here. It isn't okay good.

I open up my shopping bag and pull it out. My very first vibrator. Being in 8th grade and getting introduced to guys, I realized I knew nothing about my own body.

I just had my first kiss with Terrance Martin, at our old elementary school under the oak tree. And when we kissed I felt something...down there. I didn't know what it meant so...I googled it,

So I get on my mommas computer, and I typed into google what happened to me.
"Okay soooo...tingle in my coochie, and enter"

Little did I know that one search would change my
13 year old self, and my entire life basically. That one google search opened me up to learning so much about myself, not just sexually, but physically, and emotionally. But specifically sexually. Masterbation was something I thought only guys did in movies. Or when they got "blue balls" whatever that is. I didn't know girls could too.

I go click on the first link.

"Pornhub" I whisper to myself.
" 'Guy doing girl in restaurant bathroom while parents are outside?' Umm I guess" I click the video and watch the whole thing. Watching the video I got the same feeling I did when I kissed Terrance. Then I watched another video, and another, and another. Until I came across a girl with her vibrator. And she placed her's on her vagina.

So I got mine and did the same. I mirrored what she was doing

"She sure is making a lot of noise...I wonder if it's hurting her?"

I say confused. I wasn't getting the same affect her vibrator was give her. But I just kept doing what she was doing until...I did get the same affect her's gave her. I didn't know it then, but that was my very first ever orgasm. And my first ever sexual experience.

I continued to do the same thing everyday after school, it's all I'd think about during class, on the bus, at lunch, during study hall, I just couldn't wait to get home to release myself.

Soon the porn I was watching didn't really...please me anymore, it wasn't a thrill like it used to be. So I decided to take things into my own hands. I was becoming comfortable with my body. I'd sometimes stand over my mirror and masterbate to see what it looked like, or I would put on makeup to see if I looked prettier.

But one day I decided to choke myself while I did it. I don't know why, but it made me feel...ecstasy. I wondered if there was porn like that. Well only one way to find out🤷🏾‍♀️

I googled 'choking' on pornhub and the first video-that popped up is what I watched. The woman was being chocked by her partner. He was hitting her slapping her. So I did the same to myself. I loved it. The feeling of the pain, the sensation on my body. It honestly drove me crazy. I loved it. I figured out the things that tipped me over the edge, without ever needing a man to help me realize any part of it. I discovered so many things about my body on my own.

I learned where my g-spot is, clitoral stimulation, how I can make myself squirt. Ways to bend my body, but that was also thanks to dance. I made myself the best sexual partner of all. I knew what drove me crazy.

*10th grade*

I would hear all about how my friends were losing their virginity, and how their boyfriends or whoever they were currently fucking, couldn't give them an orgasm. It was crazy to me that guys couldn't do it. I guess porn gave me a distorted image of what sex between a man, and woman is actually like. Even though I've not yet had sex, I'd say my sexual history is better than a lot of my girlfriends, because I'm doing it with purpose, and an intent to please myself. But then again who knows your body better than you.

I would attempt to explain to my friends what to do, to figure out what they liked.
"Alesa you mean like...do it? To yourself" Charlotte says with a disgusted face
"Yes to yourself, how have you been having sex for 2 months now and haven't ever experienced an orgasm?"
"Well I mean that may have been an exaggeration. I mean, I maybe have...I just wouldn't know how it feels."
"Trust me Girl, you would 100% know when you've had one. I mean think about it this way. How would you ever expect someone else to please you, if you don't even know how you want to be pleased?"
"Yeah I'm not doing that Alesa it's weird. My boyfriend can do it for me." Charlotte snarls back

Pretty soon Charlotte and I stopped being friends. And she decided to spread a rumor about me. That I "can't get a boyfriend so instead, I fuck myself."

I mean giving her the benefit of the doubt, only half of that was true. I didn't have a boyfriend because genuinely I didn't want one, not because I couldn't get one. And yes, I was fucking myself. But I'd never be embarrassed for knowing my body. If anything that empowered me. And when the time would come for me to have sex with someone for the first time, it'd make it that much more enjoyable...hopefully, because I know what I want.

A/N I thought It was important to give y'all a bit of background before we get into the next chapter. Just so you can fully grasp why Alesa acts the way she acts, or does the things she does etc. Especially in this next chapter, you'll be thanking me that I added in this background. 😉 thanks for the reads😘