Trust Me?

Part 1

Hours later, and I couldn't tell if I'd been to sleep. The whole night felt like a dream and I was too scared to wake up. Ben's hard, manly chest rose and fell with every sleeping breath. I surveyed the room by the light of the newly broken dawn. Mat slept silently, slumped in the armchair in the corner of the room. That was the last thing I remember, slowly and passionately riding Mat until we were both too exhausted to carry on.
At some point in the night, after I got back from going to the bathroom and taking a shower, the guys had fallen asleep where I'd left them. It was a no-brainer that I would crawl gently into bed next to Ben. His arm stretched out onto the neighbouring pillow as if he was expecting me to join him.

Remembering all that had happened last night made my stomach flip and my bones go weak. I just want to stay like this forever, please. But god, did I need to pee. Ben was sure to feel me pull myself off of him and I didn't want to wake anyone. Then they might leave.
But I couldn't fight it anymore.
'Sorry', I whispered as I lifted Ben's right hand off of my stomach. He had turned to me and pulled me in at some point in the night. I lifted my head from his chest, unable to resist the urge to plant a soft kiss on his collar bone.
As I rose, he stirred and exhaled deeply, changing position to roll over on his side. I smiled as I watched him sleep and stood up from the bed.
I realised I wasn't wearing any clothes so quickly grabbed my bra, which was at the foot of the bed, and my knickers, somehow hanging from the table lamp. I chuckled to myself, 'how did they end up there?' I thought.

The bathroom tiles were cold and I locked the door behind me and pee'd as quietly as possible. I put on my underwear and, what I found on the floor beside the bathroom door, which turned out to be Ben's t shirt. I had nothing with me, no make up to apply, no hair brush and , quite frankly, I looked awful. Thank god for the complimentary toothpaste in the hotel. But no toothbrush. I tried to fix my hair into a high bun and washed my face.

I hadn't realised how long I'd been in the bathroom but the dawn was much brighter now. I tiptoed back into bed and snuggled up next to Ben again. His eyelids fluttered open and he stretched out to pull me tighter to him.
"Morning", his raspy morning voice was the sexiest thing I've ever heard.
"Sorry, I tried not to wake you" I whispered. Our noses millimetres apart.
"I'm glad you did, now we can have some alone time without him", he nodded over at Mat who was still sleeping like a baby.
Suddenly, a rush of confidence came over me. I wanted an answer to a question I hadn't considered before.
"What is this, Ben?" I asked.
"What do you mean?" He looked at me, puzzled. His deep blue eyes penetrating mine.
"I mean, was this kind of a one-off kink thing you and Mat wanted to try? You saw a vulnerable girl and..." I didn't know how to finish the sentence.
"Jules. I- I don't know what to say. You're perfect. I've waited so long for you to dump that ex of yours. I really, really like you, Jules."
I was taken aback at that. I was half expecting him to say it was just sex, that I was a guinea pig in his little sex game with his mate. Something everyone should do once. Of course I was hoping it would be more, but why would it be? Why not go about it in a more conventional way? Ask me on a date, buy me dinner, don't bring me on a threesome and tie me up.
"Why did you bring Mat then? Why all this?" I propped myself up on my elbows and looked down at his frowning face.
"I didn't know how else to ask. And when you said you wanted to try bondage", he giggled a bit, "I thought you wouldn't say no!"
I laughed too. He knew me well already.
"I wouldn't have said no to a date. Like a normal date that normal people have." Now I was looking up at the ceiling, resting my head on him again as his fingers brushed through my hair. My bun was messy anyway.
"I didn't know that. You're not normal, Jules, you're the most amazing woman I've ever met."
I had no answer.
"Now do you see why I was so desperate to get rid of Mat?" I chuckled.
"You seemed to be enjoying his company by the end of the night", Ben said with a smile that made it seem fake. "That killed me, you know. Watching you and him. I mean it was fucking hot, don't get me wrong, but god, I just wanted you all to myself." His lips rested on the top of my head as he breathed in and kissed my crown.
"I only did it to shut him up. He was nothing like you." I turned to Ben and winked, bringing my lips closer to his. One soft peck turned into a passionate scramble for dominance. Ben sat up and pulled my thigh up to his crotch. His hand edging it's way up to my bum. I moaned into the kiss and he hissed through his teeth as we pulled away.
"Don't wake him, he'll want some too," he whispered in my ear.
"God, I wish he'd just go away", I laughed and buried my head in Ben's neck. For some reason we couldn't stop laughing like school kids: when you're not allowed to laugh so it makes it even funnier. We were shushing each other but I concluded that the best way to shut him up was to kiss him again.
"You can't get enough, can you?" Ben joked.
"God, no".

***

When Ben and I had dressed into last night's clothes (ew), we threw numerous things at Mat to wake him up. He squirmed in the chair and groggily opened his eyes.
"Morning guys," he looked surprised to see us up and dressed.
"We're going for breakfast Mat, come and join us when you're dressed." Ben said, sitting on the edge of the bed pulling his shoes on.
"Will do", Mat said and stood up, dropping his blanket, revealing himself to be completely naked.
I turned around, now all of a sudden it felt wrong.
"Didn't hear you complain last night," Mat said with a grin. After this morning's conversation with Ben, I felt different. Even Ben rolled his eyes and didn't approve. Mat just looked confused.
As Ben and I left the hotel room, he walked me to the door, taking my hand in his.
"Wait a minute," Mat said "are you two? How did this- Did I miss something?"
Ben turned around, winking at me he said, "We'll tell you at breakfast, hurry up."

Walking down to the breakfast hall I'd never felt so ugly.
"I'm so sorry," I caught my reflection in a huge shiny hotel mirror, "Oh my god, look at me!" I pulled my skin around my eyes to try and remove the dark circles. It didn't work.
"You look beautiful, no-" he had thought of a better adjective, "radiant". I rolled my eyes and reattached my hand to his. Every time I touched him I could feel a spark of electricity. I couldn't believe this was happening. I looked at his reflection in the mirror, standing behind me, I couldn't help myself,
"God, you're fit." I said without even thinking. He smiled broadly and chuckled, pulling at my hand.
"Come on, I'm starving!"

***
The breakfast room was quiet. I ordered a pot of tea and some toast. I wasn't very hungry after all that had happened in the last twelve hours. We didn't say much, I couldn't take my eyes off him.
"What we having?" My daydream was broken by Mat plonking himself down at the table.
No one spoke.
"I'm definitely missing something here. Come on, you said you'd tell me, but I reckon I could guess." The waitress brought my pot of tea and everyone poured from it.
"Mat-" I started. "We don't really know how to say this..." It was true, I had no idea what to say. Ben could see I was struggling.
"Mate, I'm really sorry. Last night, it wasn't just about sex, not for me." Ben's eyes met mine.
"Are you joking? Of course I knew that! Man, you've been going on about Jules for months, 'oh, Jules is so funny', 'Jules is so talented', 'Can we invite Jules out?' The entire world knows you're in love!" Mat was talking dangerously loudly.
"Last night was just a ploy for me to get closer to her." Ben said, "I didn't mean to drag you into it."
"I know mate, it's fine. You should've just said and kicked me out, I mean, more than the once!" He laughed.
I was still stuck on what Mat had just said. It took my mouth a while to catch up.
"Sorry, can I just stop you there." I looked at Mat, "Did you just say 'in love'?" My smile had gone.
"Oh, he was exaggerating", Ben tried to back-pedal for Mat.
"Whoops." Mat looked guilty, "Anyway, I wasn't even exaggerating, he asked Martha for advice because he said he was in love with you and didn't know what to do. Needless to say, last night was not part of Martha's advice." Mat sipped his tea like he hadn't just caused a shitstorm.
I looked up at Ben who was trying to smile through his sheer terror.
"Do you love me, Ben?" I asked softly.
Mat drew breath to speak but Ben stopped him,
"Oh shut up, Mat," he didn't know what to do with his hands and looked down at his feet. "I-I think I do."
Ben's words were so quiet, so delicate I could barely hear them over the clanging of plates in the hotel kitchen.
I was struck dumb, my mouth hung open as my eyes tried to catch his. He was still looking down, avoiding my eyes altogether. The way he was now, so small and insecure in his chair, playing with his own fingers, you wouldn't believe this was a grown man with a glittering acting career, usually brimming with confidence.
My heart swelled, my body went cold my head spun. I felt like I wasn't even there,
"I love you too, Ben. I always have. Ever since I first met you." My voice quivered.
Ben looked up, amazed. Finally, his blue eyes on me again. He looked at my stomach and then his gaze rose to my eyes, unsure and biting his lip, a little bit of him thought I was joking. Until he saw the seriousness and joy in my eyes. We both broke out into stupid grins and Ben stood up. Mat began clapping, causing a scene but we both ignored him. 
Ben walked around the table to me and lowered himself to me while I still sat in my chair.
"Are you sure?" He whispered, as if I'd make it up.
I just smiled and nodded, pulling him to me by his shirt collar. Our lips met and nothing had ever felt more real. It was an awkward kiss, both of us grinning and giggling, teeth knocking together and, at one point, teary eyes on his part.
"Stop it, I'm such a third wheel!" Mat complained. This time, Ben listened to him.
"Sorry mate," he said "God, I wish you weren't here." We all laughed, and while Mat enjoyed his fry up, Ben and I couldn't take our eyes off each other.