Trust Me?

Part 3

Getting ready for work the next morning was a nightmare. No toothbrush, no make up, no hairbrush. It was all in my bag I'd packed to take to Ben's, and left there.

My little trailer was empty, and would be for the rest of the week. No filming today. I liked to use Fridays to look at what scenes were being shot next week and make sure I was stocked up on the right make up. I was quite looking forward to being alone today, shutting myself away in my trailer. I hadn't slept much, going over what Ben had said, and what he hadn't said, in my mind all night.

The trailer was cold when I stepped inside. The first thing I did was turn the heater up to maximum and rub my hands together, blowing in them. All morning, it was torture, my mind racing, why would he say that? Does he really care? He trusts me to do his make up for national television but doesn't trust me to be left alone in a club. The more I thought about it, the more my heart broke. This idealised version of the man I'd lusted after for so long didn't exist. The only time I'd ever told someone I'd loved them and really meant it, that lasted long. While rummaging through the white paint drawer to find Martha's Elizabeth I make up, I cracked. The tears came pouring down my cheeks and I had to sit down to hold my sinking head in my hands. I half expected Ben to be here this morning, I'd told him to leave me alone but that was last night. I hoped he didn't think I meant forever.
There was a knock at the trailer door. No one came on set on a Friday, unless it was one of the directors. God, I couldn't let them see me like this.
"One minute" I shouted out, dabbing away tears in the mirror.
"It's me", it was Mat's voice. He sounded concerned.
I opened the trailer door to see his sympathetic face and a bunch of flowers.
"Come in," I said.
As soon as I'd shut the door behind Mat, I couldn't stop the sobs. I fell into him and he hugged me for what felt like hours.
"Tell aunty Mat what happened", he sat on the long padded bench in the trailer and patted the space next to him, indicating for me to sit down.
"Thanks for the flowers," I said, "How did you know yellow roses are my favourite?" I sniffed.
"They're not from me. Ben asked me to-" Mat's words were cut off by my glare.
"Come on, was it really that bad? He wouldn't tell me exactly what happened. Just that you'd had a fight and he'd gone home alone."
I exhaled deeply and tried my hardest to hold back the tears so I could tell Mat what had happened.

***

"You poor thing, I'm sorry about that creep, I didn't know-" Mat said, guilt in his voice.
"It's okay, you weren't to know. Looked like you were having fun anyway." I nudged his arm suggestively.
"Yeah, I ended up taking her back to mine and- anyway! Don't change the subject, this is about you and Ben."
"I don't think there is a Me and Ben."
"Mate, come on, I know him better than anyone and I know for a fact he would never have meant it that way. He's just super protective of you and he was angry." Mat said.
"He said he didn't trust me. What is the point in being with someone if there isn't any trust?" I looked at the floor, saddened.
"Do you trust him?" Mat said.
"I thought I did. Now I don't know. I don't trust him to trust me!"
"Wow, now I'm confused." Mat said and chuckled, "One thing I do know about Ben though, is he's the most loyal person you'll ever meet. He's so trusting that when he feels like someone has broken his trust, he's devastated."
"I didn't break his trust," I protested.
"I know, but someone did. He trusted me to stay with you. He trusted everyone in the club to look out for you. Both let him down. He was angry at himself, not you. Never you."
Tears began to swell in my eyes.
Mat continued, "Jesus, Jules, do you know how long he's liked you? Yesterday, in the writer's hub, he didn't stop talking about you for a second. He couldn't believe his luck, that he'd finally got you after all this time. He was so worried about screwing everything up and he's beating himself up right now. Ben's so nervous around you, because he doesn't want to lose you, that's why he messes up. He just wants to protect you and nothing else." When Mat finished talking, he held onto my tear-soak hand that was clutching a wet tissue.
"Mat, I never- I mean, I didn't realis-" I couldn't finish my sentence, "thank you."
"Just give him another chance, Jules, please?"
I nodded through the tears and looked up at Mat. His eyes looked glassy and he quickly batted the emotion away.
"I've got to go, I've left Katy in bed." Mat looked so proud of himself. I giggled through my welling tears.
"I'll see you later." He said as he stood up and walked out, shutting the trailer door behind him. For a long time, I sat in silence, eyes fixed on the roses that lay on the side.