Trust Me?

Part 10

I'd fallen asleep much quicker than I'd expected to, almost feeling guilty that I'd done so. Rolling over in Ben's warm bed, I was struck with a pang of sadness to realise I was still alone. Tip-toeing downstairs to get myself some water, I noticed the lamp light coming from the crack under the living room door. Ben had put down his script and was now sat on the sofa with his laptop on his lap, face glowing by the artificial computer light.
"Ben, come on. Come to bed, please," I pleaded as my groggy voice announced my presence. It was 3:15 in the morning and he hadn't moved from the same spot I left him in hours ago.
"I've got to work on this writing. I've already said that," he said, becoming annoyed. I was pretty sure he hadn't said that, but his tone meant I didn't want to argue the point. "I've been falling behind with it all lately."
Sensing that was a dig at me being a distraction, I sighed, shuffling back to bed.
I covered myself underneath the blankets, cuddling into the feathered duvet. A certain warmth was missing from around me and Ben's absence clouded my mind.
I tossed and turned, thinking about what he'd said, what he'd meant by it. I suppose he hadn't been working as much as he normally would, and I felt guilty about that. Was I the reason he was falling behind and becoming so stressed?
Even though the actors weren't needed on set yesterday, he probably would've headed to the set to get some writing done. I often saw him in the writers hub on days off when I'd go in to organise my trailer.

The next morning, I awoke to warm bed sheets that still smelt like Ben but I knew he was already off somewhere working. I sighed, rolling over, not wanting to deal with anything today.
It definitely felt different all of a sudden and I wondered if this was what it would be like now, and always.
I finally decided to get up, making myself a cup of coffee feeling lonely and almost numb now, a huge contrast from yesterday and my neediness last night.
Entering the kitchen, I found Ben at the kitchen table on his laptop again.
"Morning." I said, cautious of what had changed so suddenly.
He looked up at me and smiled faintly.
"I think I'll head home today." I suggested, expecting a reaction and possibly a protest on his part.
"If you want to." Was his reply, making my heart sink. Without stopping long, I headed back upstairs to pack my things, holding back tears that stung in my eyes.
I shoved my clothes thoughtlessly into my bag and descended the stairs, breathing deeply to stop a sob from escaping.
"I'll see you later then." I mumbled into the kitchen, somewhere in Ben's direction as he preserved with violently typing.
"Yeah." He didn't look up.
"When?" I asked.
He sharply exhaled, visibly annoyed as he tore his gaze from the laptop screen.
"I don't know." Anger in his voice.
"Have I done something wrong?" My voice rose as I was becoming aggravated now. What had I done to make him so pissed off?
"No!" His tone didn't convince me. "You know I have work to do. I already told you, I'm busy."
I shook my head, tears starting to brim in my eyes. I had never seen Ben like this. He was always kind, gentle, going out of his way to be a gentleman, never putting others down like he just did. "Ben-" I started to say.
"Jules! I said I was busy! Go home!" he yelled, standing up from the table, pointing towards the front door.
"Who the fuck are you?" I asked, looking at him in disgust, my voice breaking as I desperately stifled the tears swelling in my eyes.
My efforts seemed all in vain. A tear rolled down my cheek as I turned on my heel, slamming the front angrily door as I left.
I was furious with Ben, I felt deeply wounded. He had completely turned into somebody else in a matter of hours, confusing and breaking me.
I walked to the main road and hailed a taxi as I sobbed. I didn't want to be alone. I didn't want to go home, Ben would find me there, all by myself and vulnerable. I didn't want him to think he was all I had.
I blurted our a familiar address to the taxi driver, barely thinking.

***

Martha's house was quiet again, unsuspecting of the shitstorm I was about to bestow upon her. The girl barely knew me, I felt like an idiot.
I rapped at the door.
"Jules!" Martha answered, "did you forget something?" She looked confused.
"Can I come in?" I had stopped trying to suppress the sobs that now escaped me.
Martha nodded with a confused expression on her face. "What happened?" She asked, carefully.
"Ben, he just- I don't know," I said and she closed the door behind me before wrapping her arms around me, embracing me tightly.
"Will you guys be okay?" She asked.
Martha guided me to the sofa and sat me down. I sat there, quietly for a bit, contemplating her question. Would we be okay after this? Would he even realise what he was doing or did he not care anymore?
"I don't know," I said, staring blankly at the floor. "He just completely changed. He was so angry." I told her and she furrowed her eyebrows.
"What do you mean?" She asked.
"He got some work in the post yesterday and hasn't stopped writing since. He's been up all night. When I asked him to come to bed, he got angry and this morning he told me to get out," I said, sniffling.
Martha looked at me sympathetically, "I'm so sorry." I shook my head.
"It's not your fault." I said and she smiled softly at me, her face giving a feeling of concern.
"Well you can stay as long as you like." Comforting me and I smiled sadly, nodding.
"Thanks so much Martha."
"It'll be okay," she said, hugging me once again. "If I know Ben, he's probably panicking about work and is angry at himself for not organising it properly. He normally gets it done straight away." She was close to my tear-stained face. "It's not you."
"I feel like it's my fault he's fallen behind." I whispered. I was surprised Martha heard me.
"He's just stressed. We've got a lot coming up and he's taken on loads of work for it. Trust me, I know him." Martha smiled slightly, "He loves you so much. He's just not reacting in an acceptable way right now." She looked angry at the idea too as she seemed to roll her eyes.
I sniffed. "I hope you're right."