Trust Me?

Part 15

Mat and Martha hung around for longer than they normally would have, it would seem. Unsure of when was a good time to leave Ben and I after I had divulged so much to Martha. It started to become odd to me, and evidently to her, that I was sharing a sofa with Martha and Ben was sat with Mat. When she and Ben made yet more tea after what must've been my fourth cup, they swapped seats and Ben wound up by my side. I was definitely suspicious that they had discussed this manoeuvre in the kitchen, but I was okay with it, feeling a lot more comfortable than I did last night or this morning. Mat was talking about the girl he had hooked up with the week before, in the nightclub, and how she had never called him back. We laughed, me a bit forcefully. The topic of conversation became suddenly serious and was squarely focused on me and I kind of hated it.

"Seriously though, Jules, you have nothing to be afraid of. We're all here for you," Mat said. I was taken aback by the sudden change on tone, all eyes on me. I smiled a faint 'thank you' and looked down. I knew I had nothing to be afraid of, but I still was. William barging into my house like that was terrifying and I never wanted to be left alone again. His hands on me and me having no control at all over the situation. Once again, I was fighting back the stinging of tears in my eyes, dragging my gaze up to Martha for reassurance which she offered in the form of a smile. "It must've been scary though," Mat added, causing the tears to well up even more. I had to look up and breathe in deeply to hold them back. Looking up always stops the tears, I'd come to learn that. In the corner of my eye I could see Ben's harsh stare meeting Mat's eyes as he warned him just stop talking before he made it worse.

Silence fell on the room. Martha spoke,

"We'd never let anything happen to you."

Ben sat forward and held his hand to me, asking permission to take mine in his. I slowly took it, holding it in my lap, trying to focus on the welcoming sensation to try and take my mind off of the imminent tears.

"Thanks, guys," I said softly, looking down the whole time now. "I know." I brought my eyes up to meet Ben's. They were filled with concern and worry for me, hoping I would be okay and reassuring me that I would never be unsafe as long as he was around. Looking in his eyes, I knew. He would always protect me, and that he loved me, no matter what. I wanted to kiss him, reassure him of the same thing, but after two days of pushing him away, would he ever understand? A woman, it would seem, is a complicated thing. I was violated and disgusted by the idea of any man touching me last night, and this morning, but I came to realise why that was. It was because that man, any other man, was not Ben. I wanted him and him only. I held my eyes on his for a second too long as Mat and Martha sensed their sudden unwelcome presence.

"Do you want us to go?" Mat said quietly. They had been around for a long time, and it was lovely that they were trying to make sure I was okay. I don't know what I'd do without them. But the winter evening was drawing in now and the sun was beginning to make it's way down to the horizon. Neither Ben nor I answered. I just looked at Mat and Martha with a smile, letting them know we were okay to be alone.

They both stood up from the sofa and made their way to the hallway, wrapping themselves in their coats again to face the chill that whistled down the London streets. Martha pulled me to the side and spoke to me in dulcet tones at the bottom of the staircase.

"If you need anything, anything at all, just text me. I can be here in ten minutes." We hugged and I smiled in response.

"Look after her, yeah? And good luck!" Mat said to Ben as he was walking out the front door with Martha.

"Always," Ben replied and we both waved them goodbye as they disappeared into the gloomy London dusk.

Ben closed the door and turned to me, sheepishly stood behind him with my arms folded to protect me from the cold.