imagine. . . . outerbanks imagines

i can't help it - rafe

I WALKED through the front door as the loud music filled my ears, people were mingling with a red solo cup clad in their hand and swaying to the beat of the music. The room was hot from the body heat and made me feel claustrophobic in the already big room.

My eyes searched the crowded room, desperate to find my boyfriend or at-least somebody I knew, the room was filled with unfamiliar faces as I couldn't find anyone. I huffed making my way to the kitchen where they were serving drinks, I poured my own drink into the red solo cup still warily looking around the sea of people. I wasn't planning on drinking much that night as I still had to drive home and I wasn't really that big of a fan of being drunk as it made me anxious.

I had been at the party for at least five minutes now and I still hadn't been able to find my boyfriend, Rafe Cameron. We had planned to meet up at the party rather than going together since he had 'business' to do and I had work until seven. I knew he was already here as his motorcycle which he bought with his dads generator money was sat outside by the other mess of vehicles.

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion as I made my way outside, onto the pool deck. It was a lot less claustrophobic but there were still just as many people as inside. The music was louder outside so I figured they must keep the speaker here. A few odd people were swimming in the pool, floating on the inflatables and sipping their drinks every once in a while. Rafe didn't really like swimming so I didn't bother checking for him in there.

I was growing more and more confused by the second, five more minutes had passed and he was still no where to be seen. The familiar anxiety creeped into my head as the thought of him cheating on me filled my mind, there was no way. Rafe may not be the most perfect guy, he's flawed like many others however I know him enough to know he's loyal. I pushed the thought to the back of my head, manoeuvring through the sea of people to look at the other side of the backyard.

"y/n," a hand gripped my wrist causing me turn around to look at the culprit, Topper was stood behind me breathing heavily, he must've been following me "Rafes uh," he trailed off as if he didn't know if he should finish his sentence "he's on the patio sofa with some others." he let go of my hand straightening his back and nodding his head towards the small group of people gathered around the outdoor seating area, before I could speak a word back he was leaving, walking backwards as he faces me until the last second turning and disappearing into the crowd.

His behaviour was odd really, topper and I were never super close as Rafe always had been protective, never leaving me alone with any of his friends and making sure that my conversations with his friends were kept to the bare minimum, it was a flaw that Rafe needed to work on but I had grown used to it, finding my own friends was better anyway. I looked over the the seating area and low and behold Rafes blond sleeked back hair could be seen even from my distance, he was hunched over in his seat, leaning down towards the coffee table. I couldn't see the table as people were blocking my view. I weaved my way through the crowd until I reached him walking up to him and preparing to pull him into a hug, I pause when I see the white contents on the table in-front of him, he leans down not seeing me and snorts the flour like substance into his nose right in-front of me, clueless as to where I am.

My eyebrows furrow in confusion as he sits back up wiping his nose and laughing bitterly, the others cheered him on some even slapping him on the back. A blonde haired girl sat to his right follows his previous actions by leaning down to snort the white contents, she comes back up laughing as she passes Rafe two twenty dollar bills.

"Rafe?" the words leave my mouth before I can even process it, his head whips around at my familiar voice his eyebrows raising in surprise, "Baby," he speaks standing up from his spot to make his way to me, his pupils are dilated almost big enough to the point only a small fraction of his icy blue eyes could be seen. I took a step back holding my hand up, stopping him from coming any closer. He pauses, stopping at my hand and staring down at me with confusion etched onto his face "y/n?" he questions, his eyebrows furrowing together. I shook my head in disbelief "what are you doing rafe?" It was my turn to question him as I motioned towards the table, his eyes left mine as he followed my hand looking over to the place he had previously snorted a line. Guilt washed over his face as he shakes his head, tears surfacing in his eyes. I stood my ground as I wait for a response but no words leave his mouth, only a strangled sob.

I grab his wrist dragging him back through the crowd and into the house, I make my way upstairs opening a random door, to my luck nobodies inside. I lock the door behind me pulling him onto the edge of the bed. He sits down next me his eyes red and his nose running. He leans towards me but I lean back, stopping him from touching me until he explains himself.

His eyes search my face quickly, his hands were starting to shake and his breathing was becoming more shallow by the second. He was on the verge of a panic attack. I pulled him into me, wrapping my arms around his neck as he furrowed his head into my chest, his ear over my heart as he listened to the soft sound of heartbeat. The tears were still falling from his eyes and small sobs wracked through his body every few seconds but his breathing had returned to normal and he was no longer shaking.

"rafe," I spoke into the silence, he didn't move from his position when he replied, he only buried his head into my chest more "yes?" he answered back weakly, sniffling and wrapping his arms tighter around my waist. "why did you do it?" my voice was soft and quiet, the last thing I wanted to do was make him panic again, sure I was disappointed in what he did but he's my boyfriend and I know he's always had good intentions.

There was a small pause, the silence filling the room again before he spoke back "I can't help it," his voice was stronger then before, more deeper as realisation dawned on him, he was addicted and he needed help. "I can get you help," I whisper back, running my small fingers through his hair.

The silence filled the air again as he thought about my words carefully "I need help," was all he said. I nodded, agreeing with him as I kissed the top of his head as he came down from his panic attack and high, there was no doubt he was tired as the weight of him became more and more heavier as his body went limb, sleep overtaking his body.