Crashing The Waves (Working Girls Series #2)

Kabanata 31

Gate

"Anak! My god, we're going to be late!" I looked at the clock on my bedside table to look at the time.

Ala sais pa lang pero boses na naman ni Mama ang pumapaibabaw sa buong bahay. Gusto ko lang naman matulog. Mahirap bang pagbigyan yun?

"Ma, it's still 6 in the morning. Can't I sleep more?" Instead of answering me, she just gave a death glare.

"No. Baka nakakalimutan mo kung saan tayo pupunta." Parang nagkaroon ng light bulb sa tuktok ng ulo ko nang maalala kung gaano kahalaga ang pupuntahan namin.

I took a cold and quick shower. Ayoko na marinig na naman ang lintaya ni Mama kaya kumilos na ako. Agad akong nagbihis. Siya na rin ang nagmaneho ng sasakyan patungo sa lakad naming dalawa. I just kept looking at the window.

"Mama's here. No one's going to hurt you." She must've felt how scared I was with the idea of going out. Pero kahit ayaw ko. Alam ko namang kailangan. It's been six months since what happened. I need to live.

After a few minutes, we arrived at our destination. Sa back door kami dumaan dahil ayoko ng atensyon mula sa mga tao.

"Good morning, doc." Mama greeted the doctor in front of us.

"Good morning Mrs. Scott, hi Lia, ready for your check up?" Tumango lang ako sa kanya at ngumiti.

"This will be cold." She said as she applied the gel on my tummy.

"You're really sure that you don't want to know your baby's gender." Mariin akong umiling at ngumiti sa kanya.

I want to be surprised. Kahit ano pa siya tatanggapin ko. That's my child to begin with.

Nang matapos ang check-up ko ay umalis na kami ni Mama sa clinic na iyon.

I've been with her ever since I escaped Ed. He abused me. He even shot me. Good thing it was dark in the woods, nadaplisan lang ako sa balikat. I pretended to be dead, when he left I crawled my way out from that place. I was too scared to even call for help. Alam ko na mahahanap at mahahanap niya ako kapag nalaman niyang buhay ako.

I walked until an old couple found me. They took care of me for a week, gusto man nilang tumawag ng pulis ay pinigilan ko sila, Nagpahatid na lang ako sa bahay nila mama.

Mama accepted me. Hindi ko rin inexpect na hahayaan niya akong magstay sa bahay nila. She took care of me. Araw-araw siyang umiiyak dahil sa nangyari sa akin. Her husband did not like me. Pakiramdam niya kasi inaagaw ko si Mama sa kanya. I felt like I was a burden for him. Hindi ko rin naman gusto na pumunta sa kanila. Wala lang talaga akong choice. But I was surprised with Mama's decision. She decided to move out from that man's house. She chose me.

I hated myself. How dirty I am. I hated how I felt his touch everyday. Hanggang ngayon takot na takot pa rin ako. I am horrified by the idea of him. He scares the hell out of me. Hindi ko nga maintindihan kung bakit niya nagawa iyon sa akin.

After a month of staying with mama, we found out that I am pregnant. Right there and then. I was sure that I want to keep the baby. Kahit gaano pa kasahol ang ama niya. Anak ko siya. Tatanggapin ko siya.

Then one day, Joaquin just popped up inside Mama's house. Natakot akong makita niya kaya sa kwarto lang ako at nagtago habang nag-uusap sila. I don't deserve him. Im bruised, Im broken. He deserves some who's his equal. Someone who's pure, not me. I was raped and my rapist got me pregnant. Joaquin deserves the best, but Im not even worth anything at all now.

"Ma'am, I know she's still alive. Ed's under custody. Im doing my best to bring him back to the Philippines." God, how I miss his voice.

"Let's just accept the fact that she's gone, and move on. I want that Ed to experience the worst of prison. He's a devil for doing that to my daughter. But you, I hope you find peace in your heart to let her go." Sinabi ko kay mama na ayoko na nasa buhay ko si Joaquin. Hindi kami bagay. He's him. Im me. It's so difficult to make that happen.

"I beg to differ. I will not stop until I find her. Even if I'll be the only one believing she's alive, I won't stop." What he said broke my heart. My Joaquin Andres is so stubborn.

"Joaquin, anak. Lia wants you to be happy. Please do so." I badly want to go out and just hug him but I know that I can't do that. I have to be strong for him.

I have therapy sessions for my trauma. Mama works in the hospital so she knows doctors. Lahat ng paglabas ko dapat discreet. Lumalabas lang naman ako pag kinakailangan, para kay baby. Primarily just for check-ups.

May kapatid ako sa side ni Mama. But she's in college right now kaya hindi niya alam na narito ako. Ang alam niya lang naghiwalay ang mga magulang niya pero hindi niya alam na ako ang dahilan. I also blamed myself for that, but mama just told me that she should've chose me a long time ago. That if her husband loves her enough, he should have accepted me too.

"Lia, nagluto ako na ako. Kumain ka na dyan. May duty ako. Don't forget to lock the doors okay?" She kissed my forehead and left.

Siya ang nagtatrabaho para sa aming dalawa. Nahihiya na ako sa kanya. May pera naman ako pero I can't use it. Kasi kapag ginalaw ko ang accounts ko, malamang sa malamang ay maaalarma ang mga tao.

I ate what she cooked. My mood automatically shifted when I saw the food. It's sinigang sa miso. His favorite. Hindi ko alam pero ito ang gusto ko kainin simula nang mabuntis ako. Kung pwede lang na si Joaquin ang maging ama ng anak ko, but of course that's not possible.

As much as I want to contact my friends and go back in the Philippines, I just don't feel safe. Pakiramdam ko rin wala na akong mukhang maihaharap sa kanila. Pakiramdam ko, hindi na ako ang Lia na kilala nila. I guess Im physically alive but technically dead inside.

Wala akong plano kung anong mangyayari sa akin pagkatapos kong manganak. Ang alam ko lang, ayoko na umasa kay mama para sa lahat. She already sacrificed a lot for me, and I am grateful for that. I will do my best to be a good mother to my child.

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The succeeding chapters will either be in Joaquin or Lia's POV.

-J