Across The Boundary • Yoonmin

🚫 05; Blank

But i missed you more
than i thought i would
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Warning!; strong language 🚫
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Yoongi stares at the blank canvas infront of him with the most serious face he can muster.

He wanted to paint, see the colors spreading through the canvas like a rainbow spreading through the skies after a heavy rain.

He wanted to see how colors combined into each other, creating new wonders that Yoongi had never seen before.

But he can't.

Because just like the canvas, his mind was also blank.

No inspirations, no ideas, nothing.

Yoongi chews his bottom lip and thinks of anything - anything even the smallest details of what he saw outside yesterday.

Yesterday because it's already closed to 3am now, and he's been standing and staring at the canvas ever since he got home last night, and he was still in the same position.

Holding his palette and squinting his eyes in total confusion.

He frowns when nothing came into his mind, and sighs when all his efforts became futile.

This is what he dreaded the most, to not be able to paint anything - not even a drop of paint.

Yoongi thought it must be because of the 'talk' that he and Seokjin had yesterday, if you can actually say it's a talk.

The older's words about showing up in therapies again affect him too much. He knows that what Seokjin said was true, it is for the best of him.

And he knows he will get better,

He's just - scared.

Scared that once he gets better, everything will happen again and he will crumble down again in a blink of an eye.

Why waste years of your life getting better if it will only take a matter of seconds to get worse again?

Yoongi shook his head and focus on what he should be doing - painting.

But how can he though? His mind was clouded with Seokjin's words, and endless possibilities about everything.

He tried to think again once more, and groans in total frustration when nothing really came up, so he just gave up and puts the pallete down and sits on a chair, frowning hard.

He stares blankly at the blank canvas infront of him and chews on his bottom lip. He lets out another deep sigh and combs his hair aggressively - not noticing a tear dropping from his eye.

"You're a failure Yoongi,"

"Seriously? You call this art?"

"This is garbage, just like you,"

Words started to ring again in his ears and he actually covers it with his hands, trying to block it but of course - it wouldn't.

"You think someone will like you, other than me?"

"Shut up .." Yoongi mumbles as he closes his eyes, still covering his ears.

"A disgrace,"

"S-Shut up .."

"I should have left you a long time -"

"SHUT UP!" Yoongi shouted and stood up.

He picks up the canvas infront of him and throws it at the wall in fury, and if he isn't contented with that; he kicks some of his paint containers also, making a mess on the caramel colored floor of his studio.

Yoongi stares at the mixture of colors on the floor as he breathes heavily. His hands were balled up into a fists and he is gritting his teeth.

"Fuck you .. Fuck you all!" Yoongi shouted once more and sat down on the chair again, feelinge exhausted.

His lack of sleep is slowly seeping through him but he tries to fight it.

His eyes then flickers to the canvas that was laying on the far corner of the room from where he throws it, and regrets his decision instantly.

He needs to paint, he has to.

Otherwise, he would drown again.

And Yoongi doesn't know if he can rise up from it again if ever.

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AN; How is this fic so far? I have no idea lmao