Nicholas
I couldn't breathe. Everytime I sucked in a breath, I would just sob harder, panting heavily.
My heart ached and my chest hurt everytime I thought of him, which was almost every second.
My stomach was tight and twisted, hunger pains adding to it. I completely forgot to eat all week from the stupid argument that lead the most important thing in my life to possibly die.
Staring down at the white tiles, my mind filled with the same questions and thoughts that have been stuck in my head for hours.
Why did I break up with him? I love him more than anything, I thought it would fix something, but it ended up making this worse.
Why didn't I come sooner?
Why did I say what I said?
Why did he possibly kill himself?
Did I cause him to do this?
I shuddered as a wave of pain hit me, squeezing my eyes shut as tears steadily ran down my red face. I hope he's alive. I hope he's alive. Hell, I couldn't live with myself if...
Covering my mouth, I cry into my hand, gasping for air. A hand stroked my back but it didn't calm me.
The only thing that could calm me was William.
I'm such a fuck up. If I didn't...
"Honey, breath." My mom whispered, squeezing my shoulder. Her words just went in one ear and out the other, I didn't want to listen.
I didn't want to be alive right now. I didn't want to be hurting right now. I didn't want William fighting for his life. I didn't want him to be gone.
I just wanted to wake up from this nightmare. I wanted to hold him and kiss him. I wanted to live the rest of my life with him. I wanted to reverse time and take back every word I said.
My chest burned as I cried, my breath getting stuck in my lungs as I began to hyperventilate. I pushed off the hands on my body, not wanting anyone's touch but William's.
"Nick, breath, listen to-"
"Stop!" I croak, stuffing my face into my hand, my body beginning to tremble in the uncomfortable seat.
Why'd I have to be such a petty idiot?
"Sir, are you okay?"
I didn't listen to the voice, pulling at my hair as I wailed, not caring how loud I was being.
Arms wrapped around me and I stiffened, trying to push the body away, but they didn't budge. They said soft phrases in my ear that I couldn't quite hear as I shoved my face into their shoulder.
There height was close to William's, which helped ease the pain. They smelt like William's house, so I assumed it was one of his older sisters.
My arms squeezed around the short figured, focusing on my breath. William's voice rang through my head, his gentle voice fresh to my mind.
I remembered the one time I had a panic attack and he was able to calm me.
"I love you, Nicholas. So, so much."
Just the thought of his words made me calmer but it hurt to think of them.
Another wave of hurt, guilt, and heartache hit me, I gripped onto the thick material of the person hugging me's hoodie.
"Breathe, I know it hurts." Lucille spoke, her hands trailing down my back to soothe me.
"I caused this." I choked out, tears seeping into her clothing.
