Life After Marriage Book 3

Not Again Part 1

AMBER P.O.V. –

I was downstairs washing clothes, I wanted to get it out the way before Aug and kids woke up. I decided to wash everybody’s whites first. Then I would do the coloreds.

I ran the water, then put in the Gain original detergent I usually use. Aug had been using that since the day I met him. I will never forget being intoxicated by that scent.

And ever since we’ve been together, I’ve used it. I put in the fabric softener and a small amount of bleach. Then I loaded the clothes in. I closed the lid on the washer, then bent down to pick up a few pieces that fell.

“Ahhhh!” I screamed when I felt Aug grab my waist as I stood up.

He chuckled. I removed his hands unamused.

“I thought you were sleep?” I said opening up the washer and putting the fallen items in, then closing it again.

I turned around to find his arms on both sides of the washer locking me in.

“Aug, what are you doing?” I ran my hands through my hair annoyed, I was not in the mood for games.

He didn’t respond he just kissed my lips.

“Not now babe.” I tried to move his hands. He wouldn’t move them.

“We haven’t had sex in two weeks.” He looked me in my eyes with a straight face. I couldn’t particular read it. He had no expression really. And I hated not being able to know what he was thinking.

“I know.” I looked back at him.

“Last week you were on your period.” He said calmly still with no expression. “The week before that you were busy. What’s the problem now?”

“The kids are going to be up soon.”

He looked down at the floor then back up at me not moving his hands.

“I just left from upstairs they’re sleep.”

I sighed heavily. “But you know how they are Aug. Especially A3.”

He furrowed his eyebrows and tilted his head slightly like he was interrogating me. “You cheating on me?” His grip on the sides of the washer got tighter.

“No August!” He was always so damn paranoid.

He looked at me for a minute. Like he was trying to read me to see if I was lying. It reminded me of how drug dealers look at you when they ask you for their money, and you have some type of excuse.

That silent, deathly stare, that will make the guilty confess. Or most definitely look away under their relentless gaze. But I wasn’t guilty. So I stared straight in his eyes so he knew I wasn’t lying. When he saw I wasn’t lying, his face softened.

“Then why you been giving me the run around?”

I sighed. “I’m pregnant. And I just haven’t been in the mood.”

“So you lied about having your period?”

“Yeah.” I looked down ashamed.  

“When were you going to tell me?”

“I don’t know August. I was hoping it wasn’t true.”

He stepped back.

“What you mean you were hoping it wasn’t true?”

“I don’t want another baby. I hate being pregnant. Sata and Auggie are already a handful. I don’t want to go through this again.”

He folded his arms, then ran his left hand down his face, leaning back on the wall.

I rested my head on the washer, on top of my arms. I had really been depressed ever since I’ve known. I love being a mother I really do. But three kids was entirely too many for me.

“You act like you a single parent.” Aug finally spoke.

“I’m sorry but sometimes it feels like it.” I rested my chin on my hands that were in praying position.

“What’s that supposed to mean? I work my ass off to provide for y’all.”

I turned to him. “And August I appreciate it hun. But that’s like child support.”

“So you trying to say me being here is the equivalent of a nigga paying child support?”

“I’m not saying that August. All I’m saying is that sometimes I feel like everything is resting on my shoulders. And I’m just being honest, it’s extremely hard for me. Getting them ready for school. Helping them with homework. Running them everywhere they need to go. Shopping for them. Then cooking for everybody. Cleaning for everybody. Washing for everybody.” I pointed to the washing machine.

“On top of work, it’s too much. And then having another mouth to feed? Another behind to clean? I wish I could be excited about this, but I’m not. I’m not.” I rubbed my head as I was starting to get a headache just thinking about everything.

“Well quit working.” He scrunched his face up annoyed like the solution was that easy.

I shook my head. “You don’t get it.” I walked out.

“What don’t I get Amber? You not telling me shit but that you overwhelmed and I said quit working. What else you want me to do?”

“Help me!” I yelled.

“I don’t want to quit my job. Before I was a wife. Before I was a mother. I was a fucking top attorney. I need to work for me, even if I don’t have to. I want my daughter to know that you can be something in life besides somebodies wife. Cause if you ever divorce and that’s all you are is a fucking wife, trust me that man is going to leave you ass out. With nothing. Then who will you be when you’re not a wife anymore?

I refuse to be that woman. Not that it’s wrong for women who choose to be that way, but it’s not me. My job is not ideal but it gives me a since of importance. That I’m still good at something. With each child we have, I am slowly fading into your background August. And I support you one hundred percent. I always have. But I’m starting to forget who I am outside of you and these kids.”

“Well that’s your ego. That ain’t got shit to do with me. So you work that out.” He started upstairs.

“I’m not keeping it August.”

The door slammed hard as hell, making the wooden fixtures in the basement shake. He flew down the stairs and backed me into the wall. He put a hand above my head and the other index finger pointed in my face.

“You kill my child. You better believe I’m ending your life too. That’s not a threat, that’s a fucking promise.”

I felt the hot air from his nostrils on my face and his chest was moving up and down against mine.

I saw a fire in his eyes I had only seen one other time in my life – when he found out my connection to Mel.

“I love you with all my heart, but Amb I swear to God if you do that shit…”

He couldn’t get the words out he just continually shook his head in frustration, then suddenly balled his fist and banged the wall above my head. I flinched because his fist was literally inches away from hitting me.

“Mommy I hungry.” Auggie said coming down the stairs then over to us, rubbing his sleepy eyes.

August moved from in front of me and rubbed Auggie’s head.

“Goodmorning Pop Pop.” A3 reached for Aug to pick him up. Aug did then kissed his cheek.

“I’ll fix you something to eat man. What you want?” Aug smiled and took him upstairs. 

"Bacon."

"And what else?" Aug asked him, closing the door behind them. 

Leaving me to process all this alone.