I'll keep you safe: billie eilish

six

Billie's PoV

i wake up in finneas's spare room, my stomach is a lot better, claudia made me do some massage shit which i thought was stupid but it worked. finneas was annoyed at me that I got involved in that fight but he just doesn't understand.

i feel something towards alissa, but i'm not sure what. when i'm with her i just want to protect her and want her to be happy.

"what about if i invite alissa's family over later, we usually do it quite a lot" finneas says. i shrug and claudia nods happily. he leaves to go and ask them, well I need to get home and change quickly then.

(billies outfit)

finneas quickly sends me a text letting me know that they are coming in an hour. i better get going, i my puppy shark and get into my car, driving back to finneas's house. claudia greets me as i walk into their house after parking on their driveway.

"i didn't know you knew alissa" finneas says, putting some plates and stuff on the table.

"i dont know her well at all, she was in the more popular group at school but hated it. but she knew Q so she hangs out with us now" i tell him and he nods handing me a bottle of water.

the doorbell rings and claudia goes to answer it. i adjust my beanie hearing alissa's voice. her family walk into the kitchen, liss trailing at the back. she lays her eyes on me and smiles, her mom frowning at me. don't think she likes me very much.

finneas gives the family all hugs and i walk over to alissa. i put my arms around her shoulders awkwardly giving her a small hug as she places her own round my middle.

"hey bil, ignore my mom if she looks at you weirdly, she doesn't like when people dress different or look different. i dont even know why" she whispers too me and i nod, i do get strange looks all the time because of how i dress but who the fuck cares bro.

shark runs in the room and jumps up at alissa's legs making her smile. "hey buddy" she says stroking him, reading his little name tag.

"oh billie i forgot to tell you, the ep is ready to be put out" finneas tells me. i widen my eyes and smile.

"tomorrow?" I say and he nods, high fiving me.

//

tomorrow came around pretty quickly. our EP 'dont smile at me' is out thanks to Finneas making a few calls. my instagram has been blowing up dramatically.

i check my instagram post seeing all the love i have been getting from loads of people. but as i scroll down i start finding things that i dont want to see.

'who the fuck is this ugly bitch'
'what the fuck is she wearing'
'she cant sing'.

i feel myself starting to get confused as I see all the hate. clicking off instagram I check twitter, seeing all my mentions and the same thing comes up.

'kill yourself'
'im going to rape you'
'you dont deserve to be recognised you whore'
'slag'

i frown my eyebrows, tears filling in my eyes. maybe they are right, i shouldn't be doing this. i'm not good enough. nobody will ever love my music. i run into my room quickly before everyone comes over to celebrate, locking the door. i sit on my bed and get out my journal which i write and draw everything in.

i've been feeling shit about myself for a while but his just tops it off. i take my beanie off of my head and throw it across the room angrily, before breaking down in tears, my breath speeding up dramatically. i feel like i just want to rip my insides out. or just jump out of my fucking  window.

every single day, i walk past people who just look at me like i'm a piece of shit or treat me like i'm invisible. all of it adds up, and the more you keep it inside the more it will come back to haunt you. well i wish i told myself that earlier, but its too late. that's where I got my inspiration for 'idontwannabeyouanymore'. its true, I really hate me.

"billie, people are here to celebrate" my brother says knocking on my door. "give me a minute" i shout, sniffling. i really dont want to see anyone right now but they are here for me, I dont have a choice.

I head over to my mirror and wipe my tears, clearing the mascara from under my eyes. i brush through my silver hair, that just will have to do.
slowly, i take a deep breath before exiting my room, seeing friends and family.

"congrats billie" Q shouts hugging me, i hug him back and give a fake smile. "i'm proud of you baby" my mom says kissing my forehead multiple times. "thanks guys" i say quietly.

as they all enter the kitchen, alissa stays behind frowning at me. "what's wrong" she asks. how does she know? i look into her green eyes for a second before messing with my chains. "nothing nothing just shocked i guess" i lie and she slowly nods.

after a while of smiling through the party, i excuse myself. i'm exhausted. entering my room I collapse down on my bed, hugging the pillow. my eyes flutter shut and I instantly fall asleep. I cant deal with school tomorrow.