The Will of Two Worlds (Avatar Female OC)

76. Hettie's Prize Arrows

I looked back, exhausted but pleased to see the warriors of the Tawkami flying behind us in the late afternoon sun. It's hard for me to believe that I convinced the Kekunan Clan to join us this morning, only to fly and convince the Tawkami Clan this afternoon.

I was so exhausted that it took a great deal of effort to stay awake and aware. Yet, I knew better than to rest. With nearly two days without my pain medication, I knew that leaving The Link to my human body is going to be painful. I haven't gone this long without something to relieve the pain. What scares me is, for the first time since I first started driving my avatar, I can feel my human body's pain a lot more acutely than I remember being able to. I can feel the knotted, cold biting pain in my chest and the sharp, biting cold pain farther up my leg than before.

I looked down at Solros' back, rubbing my hand along his neck as I felt more than heard his worried croon. I kept my thoughts away from his, thinking of my remaining days. Depressing, I know, but I know I need to face the facts. The Cyrosickness is spreading, and it's spreading fast. Maybe I have a week, maybe I have only a few days. I don't know, but whatever comes, I will pass on happy, knowing I did all I could for those who accepted me, cared for me, and showed me that we all are connected to one another and the land and we cannot ever forget that.

But I will cling onto every remaining day to give whatever I can for the Omaticaya, for my home. Passing on knowing I have done a good deed doesn't make it so scary to think of, but I have been aware of my approaching demise for quite some time know, and have come to terms with it.

The only thing heavy on my heart is all of those I will hurt when my time comes. Tsu'tey, Solros, Trudy, Norm, Mo'at, maybe even Neytiri, and all of these people who look to me with hope...

Little Ca'lil. I tightened my hand on the leather ties between Solros' antenna, think of the little girl that has already lost so much and clung to me because I showed her such kindness and saved her life once. It made my heart plummet to think of taking away yet another person she looks up to for help. I don't know what to do for Ca'lil, except fight for her future. I so wish I could do more, maybe be the older caring sister she never had, but I can't.

I looked up, recognizing the land as I pushed away my rather depressing thoughts. The sun is low in the sky, nightfall will fall soon and I can see by the land that we are close to The Tree of Souls. I glance back at Tsu'tey as I pushed my depressing, heart breaking thoughts away to see Tsu'tey staring at my back with narrowed eyes. He looked up and met my eyes, his eyes narrowing even more, a strong irritation and worry visible there, like when I have a mental breakdown on that floating island the night before. I looked forward, my heart wrenching painfully at how I am keeping such a horrifying secret to myself, but don't I have a right to spare my friends the pain of hoping I survive, only to be disappointed?

Is it wrong of me to want to spare them that rise and fall? I don't have many tight ties here, and those tight ties I do have are unreturned and would only hurt me more in the long run. So, while the ceremony at The Tree of Souls could happen and they could try to save my life... I instinctively know, deep in my soul, that I wouldn't return in this body. There is a reason Grace did not return, one I have come to grasp over these past two days. Her wounds were too great, she would need the strength of will to return, but so much weighed her down. The people she lost, the children who died in her very school, the people she cared for shunning her away. 

She didn't have a strong tie here in the living to pull her back through The Eye of Eywa.

And neither do I.

I looked forward, seeing the distant glow of fires and hundreds and thousands of ikran flying in formations in the sky. My eyes hardened in determination, my painful emotions vanished and my soul rose as I thought of my final good deed.