Sinister [Jason McCann]

Eighteen

Lea’s POV --

 

I was more than excited for tonight.

 

In actuality, I was more than excited for a lot of things, besides just tonight. Getting dressed up, getting out of the house, being around new people and seeing new things. Those were all things I was excited for as well. It’s rare that I ever go to a party because the truth is, I’m sort of a party pooper. I don’t do anything, sometimes I just sit and watch everyone dance and if you make eye contact with me I’ll just smile and look down at the cup of soda I held in my hands.

 

I’m such a buzz kill.

 

However! Tonight, I plan on changing things up a bit. I think I’ll take my first step out of my comfort zone, just to see what it’s like on the wild side. I couldn’t act so strange knowing that I’d be with Jason all night, that’s a total turn off. He’d resent me in a second and that’d probably ruin any chance I’d have of him ever liking me. I needed to be different, I needed to be more outgoing. My shyness can only remain cute for so long, eventually it’d get old. It’s not like I do it on purpose, I can’t help the way I am.

 

Anyway, school ended a while ago and I was at home waiting for Lana to finally arrive from her final job interview. My parents were both at work and they’d be working overtime tonight as well, I guess it’s a good thing on my part. The party fit right in with their schedule. That doesn’t change the fact that I’ll still need to ask for permission considering I was too much of a coward to have done it last night.

 

I sat in my room, peering in my closet distastefully. None of my clothes seemed appropriate for a party. All I could see were cardigans, jeans, tights, a few blouses and maybe one crop top. As I look over the sad excuse for clothing I immediately regretted my actions towards Jason at the mall. I should have let him by me that outfit, especially since I’ve gotten rid of the countless bruises which once tainted my arms. I should really learn to think ahead, rather than in my moment.

 

Sighing in both anger and disappointment, I fall back on my bed and shut my eyes for a few minutes. Instead of torturing myself with thoughts of what I’d be wearing to the party, I should really focus on school. Kira and I haven’t even started our project and it was due today meaning we’re a day late. I should start what I can now to just get it out of the way. I open my eyes and stare up at the ceiling, getting good grades was a big thing for me but I wasn’t in the mood to get up and grab my books. In fact, I wasn’t even in the mood to write my name across a piece of paper. I could always get it done this weekend anyway; there wouldn’t be school on Monday either for whatever reason the teachers may have so that’s another good thing on my part.

 

So since I couldn’t will myself to get started on my homework, what else is there for me to do? I didn’t like being alone with my thoughts because eventually I begin to think of things that make me uncomfortable. For example, yesterday in the car with Jason. The way he was speaking to me made my insides scream lustfully for the very first time. I couldn’t handle that, I don’t understand how any girl could possibly handle that.

 

Jesus Christ, as crazy as it may sound, I wanted to hear him say it all over again. I wanted to hear it again; as if it were the first time and maybe I’d contain myself a little better. Ugh, he does everything so smoothly and effortlessly it simply drove me wild. I raise my hand up to my mouth and bite my finger softly, now that I was trapped in my thoughts there was no escaping it. My head was spinning so I shut my eyes and bite down on my finger more roughly to keep the insanity from swallowing me whole.