A Life Worth Living (Aizawa x OC)

28 - The Elephant In The Room

It hurts. Why does it hurt so bad? It feels like I'm burning up inside. This is a nightmare. My life is a fucking nightmare that gets worse every day. This is not fair. What have I done to deserve this? Why is everyone I love and everyone close to me forcibly taken from me? I-...This doesn't make any sense. It hurts so bad.

My thoughts were caught in a vicious cycle, repeating the same questions again and again, somehow hoping to receive a reasonable answer that would explain everything that had happened. The questions echoed in my mind in an endless loop. I desperately tried to break the cycle but to no avail.

I couldn't break it.

Why did this fucker do this? What was his motivation?

I felt like an uninvited guest in my own body. I had no control of what was happening. Memories. Emotions. Everything washed over me like a wave. No. Not a wave. It was more like a tsunami. A tsunami that swept me off my feet and tore me down. I was drowning in it.

I couldn't fight it.

I wish she wouldn't have shown me.

A tremor surged through my body. Every fibre of it, every tendon, every muscle, was shaking uncontrolledly. There was no warmth left. I was freezing.

I couldn't stop shaking.

Why always me?

My breathing was erratic, uncontrolled. The absence of any regularity caused my lungs to desperately squeeze in a frantic gasp for air every now and then between the sobs that were currently in control of me.

I couldn't hold them back any longer.

Can't I just have some fucking peace?

I cried like there was no tomorrow. All the pent-up emotions - the emotions I thought I had successfully tucked away somewhere deep down in me – were suddenly there. It was like a dam that had previously secured them, keeping them away from me, burst and hell broke loose.

I couldn't stop.

Can't I just live a normal life? Every time I feel like I can do this, something new comes and crushes me. This isn't fair.

There was this strange feeling in my chest. I couldn't exactly locate it. Was it my stomach? My heart? I couldn't tell. It felt like something was crushing me, smothering me to death. It hurt so bad.

But at the same time, I felt relief with every tear that escaped my eyes. It was like every single one of them, and there were plenty – that's for sure, contained a bit of the pain that was currently tearing me apart. Every tear I shed lightened the pressure that was weighing down on my chest.

What happened happened. I can't change it. This guy got away. Our baby is gone. I can't change it. I'm still here. I don't know why, but somehow, I'm still here.

I bawled my fucking eyes out. My painful thoughts faded into the background until they completely vanished. The sound of my wailing drowned them out. There was peace and quiet in my head, which allowed me to fully focus on every little thing I felt while I was crying.

To be honest, I have no clue for how long I sobbed like a baby, but it must have been a while. The only thing I know is that at one point my eyes refused to produce more tears. They simply stopped working. Probably, my body was just dehydrated, not able to bear with my shit any longer. That sounds actually reasonable. I can't even blame it for this.

With the lack of tears, the ugly sobs that repeatedly escaped my mouth gradually became quieter until they eventually stopped completely. I gulped down the last one that threatened to escape my throat and inhaled deeply, trying to somehow calm my irregular and ragged breathing.