A Life Worth Living (Aizawa x OC)

39 - Meltdown

"No", a faint whisper escaped my lips and echoed in the dark and empty hallway of my home, my fingers still desperately clutching the fabric of the jacket I was wearing. "No, no, no, no, no."

I remained in my cowering position on the floor, motionless and completely engulfed by darkness, while I continued to mutter the same word again and again, struggling with the moment of epiphany I just had. This is how it must feel like to receive a smack right in the face from All Might himself.

Am I...falling for Aizawa?

The moment this thought struck me, my soul was close to leaving my body. Too busy with being utterly and entirely dumbfounded, the tensed state my body was in was blown away, causing me to slump down, my fingers letting go of the hem of the jacket's sleeves. An overwhelming feeling of anxiousness crashed over me and I couldn't fight it – I was completely at its mercy.

No. This is not okay. This is totally not okay.

This can't be happening.

Nope. This is ridiculous.

There is...there must be another explanation. A more reasonable one.

I had unconsciously started to shake my head to accentuate the words of denial that were leaving my mouth. My brain desperately attempted to come up with a solid sounding excuse for my behaviour but to no avail. No matter how much I tried to convince myself that the conclusion I had just drawn was not more than bullshit, I simply couldn't believe it.

What if I really am...?

No. Hima, just calm down. There's absolutely no reason to get fucking crazy about shit like that. Just fucking calm down. No need to enter panic mode.

Just stay rational.

....

Rational?

Urgh.

A colourful variety of expletives slipped out of my mouth and I immediately regretted my train of thought. My brain felt like it was about to explode, the thoughts buzzing through my head didn't allow me to think straight. That stupid word had been enough to let my mind wander back to the man that apparently was the root of the problem at hand, making me wonder if he had already arrived at home.

Stop this shit. I need to get a grip on myself. I'm a fucking adult. Time to behave like one.

It's time to clear my head. I'm fine. I'm totally fine. I'm safe and there is nothing to get crazy about. It's not like I'm about to die or some shit. Whatever it is that's plaguing my mind can be dealt with when I've managed to calm down.

Attempting to mute the utter chaos in my head, I got up on my feet and kicked my shoes in the corner behind the door. With the intention to de-stress myself, I took a deep breath before I turned on the light and headed directly to the kitchen with the intention to get myself something to drink, hoping that this would help me at least a bit to calm down.

As I reached out for the cabinet to snatch a glass, I realized that my hand was trembling like a leaf, causing me to withdraw it. On top of that, my palms were sweating like I just ran a goddamn marathon with skiwear. Crunching my nose in disgust, I wiped both of my hands on my dress.

Why am I sweating like this? There is no reason for it.

Absolutely no reason.

I repeatedly clenched and unclenched my fist, already feeling my nails stinging in the palm of my hands, but the shaking didn't stop.