Selfless

4

Sam put on a video of us in a forest, it was weird seeing a version of myself that I didn't know. Corey and Jake commented a lot about what had happened that night behind the cameras as the video went on. I tried to focus on the content of the video but I was honestly just mesmerized by the version of myself on the screen.

I could feel people glance over at me often, which was making me nervous. I understood that they were worried about me but I also didn't like the attention all too much.

I tried to ignore the feelings and kept my eyes trained on the screen in front of me.

We were at a part in the video where Colby was lost in the forest. The version of myself was freaking out in the video as Sam tried to comfort me. I could feel myself starting to get overwhelmed with emotion as we all started screaming with so much pain.

I couldn't wrap my mind around the idea that I had lived through this moment but had no recollection of it.

My breathing became unsteady as my chest clenched with emotion, I needed them to turn the video off. "Can we turn it off?" I whispered almost inaudibly. "What did you say?" Colby asked quietly next to me as I looked up at him in fear, tears now trickling down my cheeks. "Oh my god..turn it off!" He yelled and pulled me into a hug.

The video was turned off two second later and Colby just held me against his chest. "Are you okay?" He asked as I tried to catch my breath, "I'm okay." I said and pushed off of him. "I..I think I'm gonna go to bed." I said and got up, wiping my sweaty palms on my shorts.

I started to walk out of the room but realized I didn't know where I was going to sleep. I didn't feel comfortable sleeping in the same bed as someone I didn't know, even if we were engaged. It just felt wrong.

"What's wrong, squirt?" Dad said and stood up as I let out a breath, "um...where can I sleep?" I asked nervously as I played with my nails. "Oh..Um.." Dad said and Devyn raised her hand, "you can sleep in my room, I'll just sleep in here." She said and I frowned, "you don't have to do that." I said and looked at her.

I glanced over at Colby as he looked down. I could tell he was upset but I still just couldn't get myself to sleep in the same bed as him just yet.

"I know. I don't mind, come on, I'll get you all set up." She said and stood up. "Goodnight Cora." Sam said which sent off a chain of goodnights to me. Colby was the last one to say it and I could barely hear him but I heard him whisper, "goodnight baby girl." Which sent a pain through my chest. He just sounded so sad.

I ignored it though and followed Devyn out of the room. "How are you feeling?" She asked as we walked down the hallway and to her room, "um..I'm okay." I said quietly and bundled the sleeves of my hoodie up.

"It's okay if you're not. Nobody is going to judge you for it." She said and opened the door to her room, "I guess I just feel so bad. I wish I could remember everyone and make them happy but...I'm just making everyone upset." I said and bit my lip as tears formed in my eyes, "hey, you're not making anyone upset. We are sad yes, but it's not your fault. It's just...we all love you so much and seeing you so lost like this hurts. Nobody blames you though." She said and I frowned.

"What happened to me?" I asked and she shook her head, "I think you have had enough information for the day, plus I think you should hear that from your dad or Colby, not me." She said and made her bed for me. "You can borrow any clothes you want, I think we wear the same size." She said and gestured to her closet, "or you could go to your closet upstairs, I just don't know how comfortable you are yet." She said and leaned against the doorframe.

"Thanks Devyn..it means a lot." I said and and swayed awkwardly. "Anytime, if you need anything just come find me...and Cora?" She asked before leaving the room, "yes?" I asked and bit my lip, "I love you, you're like a sister to me." She said causing my eyes to sting, "I'm so sorry I don't remember you.." I wimpered, feeling guilty again, "don't be, you'll remember me eventually. I just wanted you to know." She said then turned and left the room.

As soon as she left I collapsed against the bed and just sobbed. I felt horrible for hurting everyone but I also was so confused. How could I go to sleep in North Carolina and wake up in LA years in the future with no recollection of anything? How was it possible.

I had a fiancée.

I had a daughter.

And I remembered absolutely none of it.

I cried until I finally drifted off to sleep. I don't think I slept a wink though as I tossed and turned, feeling the uneasy feeling of not knowing who I was or where I was.

I sat up and rubbed my eyes in frustration as I cried for the hundredth time. Maybe getting some water would help.

I slid out of bed and looked at the alarm clock on the nightstand, it was already 3:24am. I had to be careful not to wake anyone as I opened the door and slowly made my way to the kitchen.

It took me a good ten minutes to find a glass after opening countless amounts of cabinets, but I eventually was sipping on some water. It calmed my nerves a little bit as I leaned against the counter.

"Couldn't sleep?" A deep voice said as I gasped and almost dropped the cup, "sorry! I didn't mean to scare you." The voice said as I turned to face them. Colby was staring at me sheepishly as he played with the helix piercing that was in his ear.

"It's okay, I just didn't hear you." I said quietly, "sorry if I woke you up." I said and looked down at my shaking hands. "You didn't wake me, I was having a hard time sleeping, so I got up to get some water..I guess great minds think alike." He said with a small laugh. "Yeah, I guess so." I said and turned away from him as I felt tears form in my eyes, "I guess I should go back to bed now." I said and started walking away quickly, "goodnight Colby." I said as I passed him. He caught my arm as I tried to scurry past him.

"Come on, let's go for a walk." He said quietly and leaned over to grab his keys from the counter.