Selfless

58

I was physically there with everyone but mentally I wasn't. That dream or hallucination or whatever the hell that was, scared me.

A lot.

Stephanie was there. She was in our room trying to kill me.

I just know that she was.

I could still feel her hands around my neck as she whispered that I was never going to be enough for Colby. Maybe she was right.

"Cora." Colby said as I looked up at him, "I'm sorry..what?" I asked quietly as he frowned and kissed my forehead as he pulled my hands away from my neck. "I'm sorry.." I whispered as he kept my hands in his.

"Cora did you want to join?" Colby's mom asked and gestured to the board game they were playing, "no thank you." I said quietly and slid further into the couch, cowarding into Colby's side.

I just felt strange.

Maybe it actually was because of the pill I took and it didn't really happen.

Or maybe I was just going insane.

"Can we get some tea?" I whispered and looked up at Colby, "of course." He said and got up, then held his hand out for me. "We are going to the kitchen, anyone want anything?" Colby asked as he picked my cane up and handed it to me. "Oooo popcorn!" Kat yelled and bounced in her seat. "anyone else?" He asked as he laced his fingers through mine.

"I think we are all good." Colby's dad said as everyone nodded, "alright we will be back." He said and led me out and to the kitchen. As soon as we got there I sat at the island while Colby went to heat up the water. I kept my eyes on him, but saw someone dart by me out of the corner of my eye. "You'll never be good enough for me, you know that right?" Colby asked as he boiled the water.

"W-what did you say?" I asked as my eyes filled with tears, "I didn't say anything." He said and turned around, "oh baby girl." He whispered and came up then hugged me as I weeped, "I-I'm going crazy." I whispered as he took a deep breath, "no, it's just a side effect, you're okay. You're safe." He whispered then paused, "but if you keep doing this I'm going to eventually leave." He said causing me to push him away.

"Cora?" He asked with shock plastering his face. "Why would you say that?!" I cried out, bringing my hands to my head.

"Baby I didn't say anything.." he said and held his hands up in surrender. "Y-you said you were going to leave me. I heard it!" I yelled and pulled at my hair as the fear that I've gone crazy came to the front of my mind.

"Baby listen to me. Right now." Colby said gently as he put his hands over mine and looked me in the eyes, "I'm never leaving you, whatever you're hearing is a hallucination. Everything will go back to normal soon. Don't let the negative thoughts win, because I promise I'm not going anywhere." He assured and wiped the tears from my cheeks as the tea kettle screamed.

He looked me in the eye and moved my hands from my head and kissed them before laying them in my lap and going to take the kettle off of the heat. "What kind of tea did you want baby?" He asked and opened the cabinet. "Lavender and camomile." I whispered and focused on the counter as I heard voices around me.

"You're dead to me too." My moms voice rang through my ears.

"You're never going to be good enough so stop trying." Stephanie's voice came through next as my hands shook.

"You're nothing but a slut." Jason's voice rang out next.

"He doesn't love you." Jen's voice sounded as my thoughts were broken by Colby walking in front of me.

He prepared my tea then set it in front of me, "thank you." I whispered as tears fell from my cheeks.

"Focus on me okay?" Colby said as he wiped my cheeks and held my face with his hand, "it's not real. Whatever you're hearing or seeing, it's not real." He said as I nodded slowly.

I sipped on the tea carefully as Colby turned to make Kat's popcorn. I tried to focus my thoughts on Colby, going back to last night as we danced at our wedding. I channeled that happiness and tried to feel it again. I must have zoned out because I didn't realize my hands were shaking so badly that I was spilling the hot water onto them.

I felt so numb I couldn't even feel the pain though.

"Woah!" Colby yelled and took the cup from me as I looked up at him. "S-sorry." I whispered as he grabbed a towel and wet it with cold water so he could sooth the burns on my hands.

"It doesn't hurt." I mumbled as he brought the towel to my hands, "it's already blistering Cor, god damnit hold on." He said and reached for his phone. "I'm sorry." I said again as his face softened, "it's okay, you're okay." He said softly then put his phone to his ear, "hey mom, yeah we are. Can you come in here? Thanks." He said then hung up.

He pulled the towel away so I could look at my hands, they were pretty red and I was starting to feel the pain now. It was honestly helping me come out of the haze that the medicine had given me.

"What's going on?" Colby's mom said as she came in, "she burned her hands." Colby said and lifted the towel more so she could see, "oh sweetie, I'll go grab the first aid kit." She said and kissed the top of my head before leaving the room.

I focused on Colby as he started cleaning up the spill in front of me. What did I do to deserve him? He really loved and cared for me more than anyone I have ever met. I watched him carefully as he examined my hands with a worried look on his face.

I brought my hand to his cheek causing him to look up at me, "I'm okay." I whispered as his mom came back. "Okay let's look." She said and sat next to me.

She took my hands in hers as Colby turned to finish making the popcorn. "They don't look too bad, just some superficial burns. Does it hurt?" She asked and I shrugged, "only a little." I said quietly as she nodded, "it's probably that Vicodin. How long ago did you take that?" She asked and I shrugged, "this morning." I mumbled as she smeared some burn cream onto my hands, "okay good, the effects should wear off soon. How are you feeling? I know all of this can be really scary but you're doing great." She said and smiled sweetly at me.

"Am I going crazy?" I asked her as she chuckled, "far from it. Some people just react differently to different kinds of medications. I've seen this happen before with patients. You're not crazy." She said and hugged me as soon as she finished rubbing the burn cream on my hands.

I nodded slowly, feeling my love for her grow even more. "Thanks mom." I whispered as I brought my arms around her, completing the hug. "You're welcome sweetheart." She said as I looked up at Colby. He smiled at me and held his hand out for me to grab. I lifted my hand and place it in his and watched as he brought it to his lips.

We eventually went back into the living room with everyone. I still wasn't feeling 100% but I felt calmer as I watched everyone play board games with Mia in my arms. She always seemed to keep me calm without even trying. My mind however would still drift back to the fear the hallucination caused me.

I didn't mention it to Colby but in the hallucination I did die. I felt my heart stop right before he woke me up. It scared the absolute shit out of me, because it felt so real.

"You feeling any better?" Devyn asked and nudged my shoulder as I aimlessly played with Mia's hair, "I think so." I said as I took a deep breath and looked up at her, "I'm here if you need to talk about anything." She said causing me to smile, "thanks Dev, I love you." I said and leaned my head on her shoulder.

After a couple hours of hanging out we all decided we wanted to go out for dinner since our families were going home tomorrow. Thankfully I was feeling mostly back to normal by the time we went upstairs.

"Wait where are we going?" I asked as Colby took my hand and led me passed the bedroom.

"I want to show you something."