Selfless

84

We laid there quietly as Colby played with my hair. I didn't want to leave him again. I wanted to stay like this forever, just in his arms.

I found myself starting to get emotional as I hid my face in Colby's bare chest. "What's wrong, love?" He asked and rubbed my back. "Sorry I'm totally ruining the fucking mood." I said and wiped away the tears that were forming in my eyes.

"You're not ruining the mood at all. I don't think it's even possible to ruin the mood after sex that good." He said and cupped my face gently, "tell me what's up." He said as I bit my lip and rested my head on his chest again. "I just don't want to leave. I want to stay with you." I whimpered as he tightened his grip on me, "I know...it's only two more weeks baby girl." He said and kissed my head.

"I got mugged though Colby, what's gonna happen when we are apart again? Am I gonna get murdered next? I don't know how much more of this I can take." I said and sat up, then rubbed my face with my hands as he rubbed my back. "Cor..." he whispered as I looked up at the ceiling and sniffled, "do you want me to come home with you? Will you feel safer?" He asked as I bit my lip and closed my eyes.

"No. I want you to keep doing what you're doing." I said and turned my head to look at him. "I want you to keep traveling the country, chasing your dreams. I want that for you so fucking bad. I wish I could just clone you." I said as he pulled my arm so I could lay next to him again. "I wish I could too, I wish with all of my heart that I could somehow be with you and be here doing this show. You've been so strong though, taking care of Mia all by yourself, while dealing with yet another traumatic experience. You amaze me, Cor." He said and brushed my hair from my face.

"I'm really trying to keep it together Colby. I'm trying so hard." I said and let out a deep breath, "I keep having panic attacks. That's why I was out walking that night. I needed some fresh air. I didn't want to tell you because I knew you would worry but now I'm starting to worry about myself." I admitted as he sucked in a breath,

"You have to tell me these things Cor! Of course I'm gonna worry that you're having panic attacks multiple times a day, but we vowed that we would be here for each other for better or worse, in sickness and in health. We are in this together! Please baby don't try to take this on by yourself, do you know how much that scares me?" He asked and held me closer,

"I know..I'm sorry. I just...I didn't want your mind to be somewhere else while you were working." I said and traced the tattoo on his chest with my finger.

"My mind is always on you when I'm away from you, no matter what. That sounds clingy...but you're constantly on my mind. I want to know when you're struggling." He said and kissed my forehead gently.

"I'm struggling." I whispered as he pulled me closer. "We will get you through it. Have you tried calling Emily? I'm sure she can fit you in." He asked as he rubbed small circles on my back. "No, I haven't thought much about it, I've just been pushing the thoughts away, hoping they would eventually leave for good." I admitted as he nodded, "okay, we should call Emily in the morning, schedule an appointment with her. I think she will be able to help you." He suggested as I sighed.

This is why I needed him.

"You're right....thank you baby." I whispered then shook my head, "okay. no more sad talk. Let's just enjoy the time we have with eachother." I said and looked up to kiss his jawline.

We ended up talking until we fell asleep wrapped in each others arms.

I woke up to the sun shining into the room, "morning baby." Colby mumbled as I sat up to stretch, "good morning." I said quietly, "everyone wants us to go down to breakfast." Colby said as I got out of bed, I walked over to my suitcase and started pulling out clothes.

When I looked up Colby was staring at me. "Round 2?" He asked with a burning look in his eye, "they want to meet us downstairs..." I said and shook my head, "they can wait." He said and pushed me onto the bed.

30 minutes later we were finally getting dressed, "did you really have to rip this completely?" I asked and picked up the body suit he ripped off of me last night, "it was in the way." He said with a shrug. "And the zipper was broken?" I asked with a laugh as he just smirked, "you're buying me a new one." I said then tossed it in the trash can. "Gladly." He said lowly causing me to laugh.

"GO!" I yelled and pointed towards the door. "Yes ma'am." He said then opened the door for me so we could go downstairs.

"Took you guys long enough!" Kat said with a laugh as I put my hood up to cover the hickeys on my neck. "Sorry, we had to talk about something." I said as Sam laughed, "riiiight. Talk." He said and put 'talk' in air quotes. "Shut up." I grumbled and grabbed a cup of fruit from the breakfast table.

"What is it Mia? You wanna see daddy?" Devyn asked as my cheeks flushed and I looked at Colby. He sucked his lips in and looked at me before he reached out to Mia.

"Heh, Mia's not the only one that calls him daddy." Jake said which made my face heat up with embarrassment. "Dude." Colby said with a straight face.

"What? You guys were LOUD." He said as I pulled the drawstrings on my hoodie so I could hide from all of them. "Stop embarrassing them, they are in love let them be!" Tara scolded and hit Jake's arm. "We are in love but y-" he started but was interrupted by Tara punching his arm again, "I think it's sweet." Devyn said as I undid the hoodie a little bit, "thank you Dev." I said and looked down to eat my fruit.

The conversation eventually changed from talking about Colby and I's sex life, thank god.

We discussed what we were going to do today.

The guys were off from filming so we had the whole day with them luckily. "I think we should go on a whale watch or something." Sam suggested as Kat gasped, "that sounds FUN." She said and hugged him around his neck. "That does sound pretty fun, and Mia has never been on a boat so that could be a good experience for her." I said with a laugh, "or she will hate it and be sea sick the whole time." Corey said with a laugh.

"Love the positivity bro." Colby said as he bounced Mia, "we will try it. I think it will be fun." He said with a smile.

"Then it's settled! We are going whale watching."