The Surgeon. |✔️|

XXXIV.

Beyoncé

"Dammit!" I groaned into my pillow as the sound of crying filled the bedroom. Slowly, I sunk my fist into the mattress in order to help me stand to my feet, then walked over to their cozy bassinet to see which twin was unhappy. Aries wiggled his body within his swaddle yet soon calmed down when I cradled him in my arms. I gently wiped away his tears and sat back in the bed in order to get comfortable enough to feed him. After I pulled my right breast out of my black camisole, I guided Aries head to face my nipple and he latched on right away. I couldn't deny that the feeling of pressure relief wasn't satisfying, but I also felt the urge to cry since I did not have the chance to get some type of rest. It felt as if I was up every hour unable to go back to sleep and I was also pretty restless from all the thoughts within my mind.

After our argument, Jay left to head back to the guest room while I continued to sit with my head down until there were no more tears left to cry. When he bought up the possibility of separation, I could not understand why our differences would bring us to this point?! I knew we "attempted" to do a break when I first discovered I was pregnant, but this was unexpected; we needed to get our shit together fast.

"They're okay??" I heard Jay mumbled as he burst through the door. The exhaustion was present in his posture, and he rubbed his eyes to help him stay focus.

"Yes," I mumbled. "It's only Aries who woke up."

Jay took a quick glance at my chest and settled his eyes on the baby, who continued to eat with no problem. "Cool. I'm sorry I wasn't here sooner."

"Don't be sorry, you were asleep."

He accepted my reasoning then took me by surprise when he laid down on his side of bed. "Did you get any sleep?" He asked quietly in hopes to make conversation.

"Barely. I can't remember the last time I had a decent nights rest." I complained. Jay let out a grunt beside me while I switched Aries to the left. He felt full soon after and let go naturally before being coached to burp. As he drifted back to sleep, I changed his soiled diaper and rocked him gently in my arms until sleep overcame the both of us.

Disoriented to the time of day, I squinted my eyes at the blaring sunlight. A yawn escaped my lips, and I made sure to sit up slowly to not wake my baby boy who was still resting comfortably. I got up out of the bed to place him in the bassinet next to his brother then went toward the bathroom to handle my business. I wasn't surprised to see two wet spots around my nipples that symbolized I leaked through the night, so after washing my face and brushing my teeth, I went to the closet and changed my nursing bra and top. Coming back into the bedroom, I spotted Jay still asleep on his side. He snored lightly, and I decided to let him be even though I had no idea he'd stay in here for this long.

"Good morning.." I heard my mom say quietly as the bedroom door crept open.

I gave her a small smile, "Morning, ma. You mind helping me take the boys downstairs?"

"Absolutely not! I actually came up here to get them, anyways; I missed their chunky faces." She said with happiness. Her face lit up as she approached the bassinet, and she slowly scooped Amias up in her arms before leading the way out of the room.

"Feeling a bit better today?" She asked me once we made it downstairs.

"No," I said with sigh. "What tried to be a civil conversation ended up with us fighting again." I revealed. Slowly, my mom bowed her head and continued to rub Amias's back in deep thought.

"I think the problem is your fight for control. When you gave birth to Aaliyah at 21, you already had so many obstacles to overcome. You felt that you had to prove you were a great mother and still finish med school. Plus, Idris wasn't around often to lift a finger and help you; raising Aaliyah was a task you did on your own!" She preached, while I sat bedside her in silence as she made me reflect on my headstrong behavior.