Save me- Lashton

Chapter 10

-Luke's P.O.V-

What just happened.

One moment I wanted the earth to swallow me whole, as loneliness crept into my bones, then the next I felt the darkness leave my soul as his dimples shone around me and his eyes lit up my life.

Not only that, but I had the balls to give him my number. Like that's not me at all, I normally cower away from any interaction.

But Ash makes me so happy, like the pain I feel and pain I inflict upon myself is all forgotten and the only thing I can focus on is him.

Of course, I still have my self-doubt, but it will always be there.

I like Ashton, a lot. But I don't know why. I've never looked at boys like that, but as soon as I saw him something inside of me thought he was amazing and perfect in every way.

I've always looked at girls in that way, but I guess some boys are pretty hot. Maybe I'm bisexual, probably am then.

And, he wants to hang out with me and Cal. I can understand Cal, but why me. I'm just me, no one special, I'm no one. I doubt his friend will like me.

But Ash said it's hard to not love me.

'But not impossible.'

I sigh as the thoughts all come back, swallowing all the joy I had just felt.

For the rest of my shift, I allowed the dark thoughts to take control. It's like, at one moment light floods your mind, and you grasp it and hold it as tight as you can. But cracks start to appear in the light, and then soon darkness is swallowing all the light and leaving you with nothing but darkness and loneliness.

As I begin to walk home, the thoughts become almost unbearable.

'You don't deserve to live.'

'You should end it all, faggot.'

'Calum never cared; he wants you dead. Ashton could never love anyone like you.'

'Take the blade to your skin. Die.'

So, I do.

I'm so tired, I know no one cares. I don't deserve to live anymore. Mum and dad won't miss me, and my brothers don't even remember me so how could they miss me.

I dump my phone and bag on bed, the house once again empty, and drag myself into the bathroom.

I look into the mirror and look into my eyes, seeing the sadness reflect in them. The bags under my eyes, making me look just as dead as I feel.

Everything about me screams sadness.

Rain begins to fall, hitting the window with force. The wind howls, and my mind screams for help.

I don't want to die, I really don't. But I can't be saved.

I open the draw and grab my blade in a shaky grip. I yank up my sleeves, revealing the old and new cuts.

Carelessly the blade slices across my skin. I push deeper as it continues, feeling the anger and sadness seep out of me like the blood.

One after another I carry on. Watching as the blood drips out of me, covering my arm and hand.

Everything feels numb as I place the now bloody blade down.

'You deserved it.'

I don't bother trying to stop the blood or clean any of it. Instead I stand on shaky legs and walk into my room and fall onto bed.

I feel my phone vibrate from beside me and pick it up in shaking hands to see who it is.

Cal- Hey Lukey, are you okay?

Unknown- Hey Luke, it's Ashton. You off work?

I don't reply to either text. Feeling tired and numb all over, plus I know I need to push them all away.

I watch with tired eyes as the blood drips onto my sheets and blankets. Normally I would be panicking, but instead I calmly watch it.

It's like I'm on autopilot. I don't feel anything, other than the small tug at the bottom of my stomach, begging me to stop the blood.

I don't.

Instead I shut my eyes, allowing nature to decide if I live or die.

"I'm sorry Cal. I'm sorry Ash." I slur before slipping into darkness.

-Cal's P.O.V-

Luke never replied last night. And I can honestly say I'm scared.

I knew I shouldn't have left him. Or spoken to Joey to be able to let Luke off work. I could tell Luke wasn't okay and I still left.

I love Luke with all my heart, he is my best friend and I hate how he feels and what he does. I'm not angry at him for hurting himself, how can I. But when I saw what he had done I panicked so much; I don't want to lose him. He is the only person I will never get bored of hanging out with and I want him by my side for the rest of our lives.

I know how unfair it is of me to say that, to be so selfish. But I can't lose him.

I could also tell Ash felt the same way, but in another way, a more romantic way.

Luke hasn't come out to me, and that's okay because a part of me doubts he even knows. Then again though, I haven't come out to him either. But then again, I only found out recently, I never realised that I never really looked at the girls but more the boys.

-

I check my phone again, seeing no text from Luke, even though I've text him multiple times saying I'm outside.

I honk my horn a couple of times and see no movement.

Fear constricts my windpipe as I begin to panic.

Maybe he wasn't really okay.