Never Ending Love (Jenlisa)

4 - Flashback 3 (I will confess)

Flashback 3 (I will confess)

Time goes by, seasons changed but one thing doesn't change, my love for Jennie. Things are not much different as usual. I continue writing, Jennie with her café, Jisoo developed more games and Chaeng travelling everywhere invited to perform food tasting. And nothing changes about me moving on from Jennie because there is no moving on. My heart belongs to her without her knowing it. I can only feel my heart beating when she's near me.

I am pacing around our living room back and forth thinking on what to do. I think I have decided to confess to Jennie on what I'm feeling and will accept if she cannot return my feelings. I know it's going to hurt but at least I got a closure to it. Chaeng saw me as usual because she always has free time whenever she is not invited to food tasting. And her salary is big enough to support her and Jisoo but of course Jisoo never used her. They are a lovely couple in deed.

"Stop pacing Monkey! I got headache looking at you walking back and forth" Chaeng told me off while munching her cucumber. Yes she eats almost everything and I am not surprise.

"I can't Chipmunk! I will confess to Jennie today but I'm so scared not because of her rejection but I'm scared if she don't want to be my best friend anymore" My pace are getting faster after telling my dilemma to Chaeng.

"Me and Jisoo will be here for you, don't worry Monkey and if anything happen, you know we are always here" Chaeng re-assure me and I stop walking going to her and give her a big hug.

"Thank you Chipmunk. You guys are always the best" She smiles while patting my head. We continue talking about the plan and Chaeng said that she will go out with Jisoo to give me privacy tonight. I nod agreeing to that and get ready for my feeling.

Time goes really fast today when it is already 8PM. I made dinner today because I want Jennie to feel appreciated. She is happy with my dinner and sit right in front of me on our kitchen island table.

"This smells great Lisa-yaaa. It's unfortunate that Chaesoo is not around" She pouted and I found it adorable.

"That's okay Jennie, maybe I can cook later for them too" I smiled and she showed me her gummy smile after.

We ate in silent and I'm nervous as hell. In a way I wanted her to say yes but I cannot put any further hope to it. Somehow I know I will lose the battle but quite frankly I am ready to hear her say no. Once we finished eating, we sat in our balcony drinking tea and I took a deep breath while looking at her.

"Jennie, I got something to tell you and it is really important" I look at her nervously and she found it weird on me. Her face changed to a worried one worrying I might have any trouble.

"What is it Lisa, you make me worry. Are you having trouble?" She starts caressing my arm and I felt more nervous than before. So I close my eyes and re-open it back looking straight into her eyes.

"Jennie, all this years together, I am really comfortable with you beside me. Apparently you became my sunshine. I felt alive when you greet me good morning and I got good dreams when you wished me good night before sleep. The thing is that I started to fall for you since the day you caught me crying and I wanted to ask if you feel the same?" Her face changed after and she tried to stand to avoid the conversation when I hold her wrist softly while smiling.

"Jennie... Nini... don't be afraid to say no if you don't feel the same. We are still best friend and it is a good closure for me to move on from you. I will still love you as a friend and will never change the way I treated you. Nini, my love for you is not a disease so please don't be scared to say no" I told her softly and in a very soft voice but I know she heard it clearly. I can hear she sigh and sit down looking at me.

"Lisa... Lili.... I do love you, I really do.. So much that it hurts me seeing you sad, seeing you in trouble. In my life, all I want to do is to make you feel safe and happy as much as I felt safe when I'm with you. You are the best companion I've ever wanted and I am really comfortable with you. So so much I hate seeing you drift away from me but....." She looked down while playing with her finger. I smiled because I know her answer already. It hurts but I promised not to change anything between us.

"Go on Jennie, don't be afraid..." I touched her chin and tilt her head up looking back at me while smiling sweetly at her. Her expressions shows sadness but she continues her words that break me into pieces. Not that I expect good ending but it just hurt.

"But I saw you as my companion or best friend only. I am not sure if I can develop any feelings for you but I don't want to lose you. I want you to be the first to know all my updates and this confession will ruin everything. I am afraid to lose you Lisa... You're the best I've ever wanted but I don't think it's fair if all I can give is just friendship" She cried for the first time while saying this and I felt guilty pushing her limits.

"Shhhh Jennie, don't cry. See! I'm fine.. at least I know I have a best friend that will be with me till the end. Don't be sad. I am still Lisa who will claim free pastries from you!" I laugh loudly to hide my sadness and to make sure Jennie don't feel any guilt in her heart.

She hit my shoulder softly while chuckling. We continue talking like nothing happen. I saw sometime her eyes shows sadness but I promised to myself to always respect her decision and so I did. We went to bed after once I saw Chaesoo came back. Chaeng was giving me hope face but I just shake my head from behind and she gave me her sad smile. I just show her I'm okay and went to sleep not letting anyone know that I cried hard to sleep. Silently stabbing my heart with the rejection and cried with no sound at all. I can see Jennie is asleep and I force myself to sleep to avoid being questioned by her later. I promised her nothing going to change and this is something I need to do.

The next morning, I pretend nothing happen and tried my best to hide my puffy eyes. Apparently I saw Jennie's eyes are puffy too but we pretend nothing happen and moved on like I never confess anything to her. It's sad but this is the least I can give to her. Friendship.