Heartbeat (Lauren Jauregui)

Chapter 31

Olivia's POV

I look down at the picture of Ashley unsure as to how I am going to get myself out of this one. I could lie and tell my mum its fake and some bullies put this together to anger her, although she would see right through it as it isn't well-known that she is against the whole idea of being gay. More ideas of how I could lie to my mum swirled through my head, but nothing was suitable or believable. I took a couple of deep breaths to keep myself calm, well calm on the outside at least. 

"I am waiting Olivia" She spoke. I looked at her and opened my mouth to explain everything. 

"Leave her alone." My dad said as he walked in from the kitchen. He smiled at me although looked very concerned at the bruising on my cheek. 

"No. She will leave this home. She is no longer welcome here." My mum boomed out. She pushed me towards the door and told me to get out again.

My dad grabbed me pulling me away from my mother bringing me into a hug.

"She is welcome here." He argued. I bit my lip trying not to cry. I didn't want to be the reason why my parents fought. They were so happy before all of this mess; we were all so happy. I blocked out the noise of my parents arguing whether I should leave or stay. My father began yelling back and pushed me towards the stairs telling me to go to my room and he will be up in a minute to talk. 

"No dad. It's okay. I will go." I spoke confidently although it felt like my world was crashing down around me. Watching my parents being so angry with one another was not a sight that I thought that I would ever see. 

"At least she has some sense in her to know when she isn't welcome." My mother's voice was cold, and her words hurt. I loved my parents so much and to know that I have disappointed my mother in such a way breaks my heart. I am going to be the reason that my family falls apart. This is all my fault and there wasn't anything I could do to change it. I was gay and nothing anybody said to me changed that.

"I am sorry Mum. I don't want to be gay." I spoke. Her yells quietened down as she looked at me. I broke down, sobbing as I tried to rush out of the door. My dad caught me and pulled me back into him. 

"I'm so sorry dad. I didn't want any of this to happen." I cried out gripping onto his shirt. 

"I know baby. It's okay. None of this is your fault. It's not your fault your mother is so stuck in her selfish ways." My dad rubbed my back and continued to tell me that none of what was happening was my fault. I tried to pull myself together, but I just couldn't stop.

"Olivia." I heard my mother's voice say gently, "Please stop crying. If you really don't want to be gay, we can put you into therapy and they can help you." 

"Get the fuck out of my house Linda." My dad seethed out. I have never witnessed my father so angry in all of my life. 

"Luke let's just talk about this. We need to do what is best for our daughter." My mum answered trying to calm him down.

"Try to do what's best for our daughter!" He shrieked, "How about accepting her for who she is instead of changing her because you are too oblivious and selfish to tell how miserable you are making her." 

"She wasn't miserable a few months ago." My mum argued back, her arms flailing about.

"She was probably dating that girl a few months ago." 

"No. That is impossible. We would have known if our daughter had a girlfriend." My mum responded. I rolled my eyes at her comment. They obviously didn't know. 

"Well Olivia." My mother said, her attention was quickly brought to me. 

"I was dating Ashley and I had been for about eight months before she cheated on me." I admitted. My mother gasped in shock. My father looked just as shocked although he didn't make it audible. 

"Eight months! How on earth did you hide that for eight months." My mother's voice got increasingly louder as she spoke. I just shrugged, before she huffed and crossed her arms. 

"So that teacher was correct! You made a fool out of me in front of her." My mum added to her previous point.

"I'm sorry. I can't control how I feel." I answered. My gaze fell to the floor in shame. I wasn't sure I was more ashamed that I had lied to my parents and they had just found out or that they had just found out the secret I had been hiding for a while. I wasn't sure what to do or say next, the silence was filling the air creating an awkward tension between the three of us. I tried to keep my erratic breathing under control by taking a few quiet deep breaths. My dad was still standing next to me all tensed up. We are all probably unsure as to how this will all play out. Will I lose my mum purely because I am gay? My body tensed up slightly as I realised that not only had I admitted it to my parents, but it was also the first time I had ever admitted it out loud. 

The guilt rushed through me as I may be the reason that my parents separate. The reason that my family is broken. This is all my fault. My selfish behaviour has torn my family apart. 

"I'm leaving." My mum spoke softly. I quickly looked up at her, I was completely lost for words. As much as she has hurt me with her words, I didn't want to lose my mother. 

"Mum, please. I will go to therapy, I will-" I began begging her to stay, she pulled me into a hug cutting me off. 

"No, you are not the problem Olivia. I am. I will go, but I will be back okay. I just need to learn how to accept you for who you are. As you are an incredible person and I love you so much." She said. She kissed my forehead and told us that she was going to go upstairs and pack. 

I wasn't entirely sure whether to believe her. I don't understand how she can change so quickly. Will she actually come back home or was that just an excuse to make it seem like she was a good person? 

"It's okay Olivia. She will be back." My dad said. I just nodded and stared at the stairs waiting for my mum to come back down so I can say a proper goodbye to her. I didn't know if she was going to come back, so I certainly wasn't going to lose my last chance at a goodbye. 

After what felt like forever my mum walked down the stairs slowly carrying her small suitcase. She placed it down on the ground softly before turning to me. 

"I promise I will be back Olivia" She said. She placed her hand gently on my cheek, "I'm so sorry for hitting you."

"I forgive you mum. Please come back home and don't leave us." I mumbled. She smiled at me before kissing my forehead. 

"I promise I will be back." She repeated. I nodded and wrapped my arms around her waist. She hugged me back before we said goodbye. She said her goodbyes to my dad before picking her suitcase back up and walking out of the door. 

As soon as my mum's car drove away, I broke down again for what felt like the millionth time today. I feel like I have done nothing but cry all day. I excused myself to my dad before making my way upstairs to my bedroom and collapsing onto my bed. I just want this day to be over.