Outerbanks Imagine

Feeling sad - Rudy Pankow

Staring at the screen it just feels so unfair. Again you got rejected from a job because you don't have enough experience. How do you expect that someone from college has all the experience right away? We came from school and now we need a job to work. But how in the world are you going to get experience when everybody is rejecting you because you don't have enough? It feels so discouraging. 

"Are you okay?" You look up and see your boyfriend Rudy walking into the bedroom. 

"Yeah, I'm fine." You're not. But you don't want to annoy him with your problems, that aren't even problems. There is more shit going on in the world right now then you being sad about being rejected for a job. 

"You know I can see that you're lying." Rudy lays down on the bed next to you. You but your laptop away. 

"It's just that it's one company after another that doesn't want me because I don't have enough experience. Of course I don't have experience except from my internship. I just finished college! And it's just that I want to pack my stuff and go away. I want to go on a vacation and explore the world. I want to do the things I planned to do after graduation before Corona got in the way. It's not fair and I'm done with it. We're just waiting for our lives to get back to normal, but when will that be? When will there be concerts again? What if there is never going to be a concert or a festival again? What if we can never travel again? I just feel stuck and I hate it. Also because of the fact that I don't know what to do. Do I want to study more or work? And where do I want to work? It's all so tiring that it take my entire mind and it makes me sad. All I can feel is sadness and I hate it. I don't want to feel this way. I should be lucky that I'm alive, that I got to graduate and that I have a fucking roof over my head. So many people don't have that. And I'm here complaining about wanting to travel and longing for a concert again. God I'm stupid. I am truly. How can I be worrying about a concert when the world is falling apart? But to be fair, I want to go to a concert, no I need it. I need to feel that excitement again when the lights go out and the into begins or when you're screaming your heart out to the lyrics. I need that in my life. I just... all of this sucks." 

Rudy wraps his arms around you as he pulls you closer. "I know babe. I know how much it sucks, but it will pass. It will get better and you will get your concerts back. It's okay to complain about it. Yes maybe more important things are happening in the world right now, but this is important to you. It's okay to feel sad about it. It's okay. And about the job, you'll figure it out. I know how hard it is to get a job, but don't rush it. Find something that truly makes you happy and do that. Don't do a job because you need to work. For now, we're okay. We have a roof over our head and we can get food. Just find something that you love to one. One day a company will hire you because you're talented and amazing. All those who rejected you don't know what they're missing."

"Thanks babe," you say and kiss his cheek. You've never been one to talk about what bothers you that much, but when you do it always makes you feel better. You just don't want to bother people with how you're feeling so you keep it to yourself. But ever since you started to date Rudy, that changed. You still didn't tell him everything right away, but he now could quickly see if you are lying or not and I'm a situation like this, it was good that he could see that. 

"Always. Do you want to watch a movie or play music really loud?"

"Music," you said and already got up from the bed. You turned on the speaker and connected your phone to it. 

"Okay I know you don't like this very much, but I just need to hear them at the highest volume," you said and put on Real love song by Nothing but thieves, followed by Is everybody going crazy? You put the songs on at the highest volume. You jumped on the beat of the music and just let yourself go. Closing your eyes, you were imagining yourself at the concert. You were screaming out the lyrics, almost losing your voice. Raising your hands in the air you felt free, like you haven't done in a while. It was like a weight fell off your shoulders. You needed this. Rudy got off the bed and danced along with you.