Fortitude

3-Firsts

Mwanzo wa ngoma ni "lele."
(Big things have small beginnings.)

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Taji

House hunting was dreadful. But I eventually found a one bedroom apartment. Not to far away from Tanya's and not to far away from work. I never liked my job. I only did it just because it was mentioned in my mother's will. She was my everything so I took it upon myself to hold on to it in her loving memory.

I sat in the new livingroom, staring at the barcode tatoo on my wrist. I'd gotten it under the influence of my first manic episode. It also happened to be the exact same day that my mother passed away. The day she left me at the mercy of my father who hated me from the minute I stepped into his house. I always thought that men loved the idea of having a son so that they'd raise them to be a younger version of themselves. My dad however treated me like an alien for reasons known best to him. Yes I was adopted, but that didn't really seem like a logical reason to do so. I however can't deny that my fluctuating moods greatly contributed to his disdain.

I needed to get some fresh air that evening so I got up and decided to go for a drive. In the midst of all the residential buildings stood a church. I slowed down as I drove past it, reflecting on how I hadn't been to one in nearly five years. My reasons were valid. Well at least to me they were. The news about my 'disease' spread like wildfire. Everyone treated me like I had leprosy or something. No one in this country really takes mental illnesses as an actual thing. But a church was the last place I expected to be treated like that. So I left.

Next to the gate was a large neon sign that read:

LET'S TALK
0700H - 0900H
FREE ENTRY

I had gone for a few meters down the highway but the image of the neon sign still glowed in my head.

I'll just get in and get out.
That's it.

With that thought, I coincidentally got to a roundabout and made the skittish decision to turn back. Deciding that I wouldn't be long, I found my tyres turning my car into the gate. My heart thumped freakishly as my palms got sweaty from how hard I'd gripped the steering wheel. A tall lean young man smiled at me and tapped on my window. Hesitantly, I rolled it down and shot back a nervous smile.

"Hey, welcome to The Peace Church, I'd like to help you find a parking spot if you don't mind,"

The Peace Church.
At least it's not something like Jesus walked on water and fed the five thousand ministries.

"It's okay, I'll be fine right there," pointing to the last spot keeping in mind my short stay. Being 'invisible' in an emerald green Audi was impossible. But I sat there regardless, watching young people, ogle and point at my car. That, of course, did not ease my tension but did a great job of heightening it. It was still a bit early so I decided to take a walk to shake off my social anxiety.

I pulled my hoodie over my head and faced down, sliding my hands into the pockets of my sweat pants as I made my way out of the area. I never left my car unattended anywhere but this place felt safe. Many young people were always seen as a sign of trouble, but there was a common look of decency and trustworthiness on every face I saw. I however made a mental note not to go too far since I was new here.

When I got back, I spotted two girls in front of my car. I was livid as I watched the taller blue haired one busy taking photos of the shorter curly haired one, using my car as a background.