Hermitcraft Oneshots

The one thing you can't replace

AN:

Warnings: Alcohol, technically underage drinking, cursing

Video is not mine.

[Scene opens]

Bdubs: Another story I heard about myself, this one happened in high school, we had this teacher in high school whose kid went to our high school.

His name was Mr. Macnimara(*cough cough EX*)and his son Jake Macnimara (*Mumbo Jumbo*) went to our high school. He was a sophomore when I was a senior, so he was 2 years behind me.

And EX....... was an asshole. And one weekend he and another teacher, Hels decided to leave town, which you should never do... if you're an asshole. And Mumbo Jumbo decided to throw a party at the teacher's house
Hurrah!!(sarcastically)

And everyone around the server heard about it, and we all got up individually and thought:

Doc, Cleo, Biffa, Tango: Okay, let's go over there and....... destroy the place.

[Evil smirks all around]

Bdubs: I walked into this party, everyone I had ever met was there, and everyone was drinking like it was the end of the world.
People were drinking like it was still the Head Games and Iskall was chasing us to chop our heads off. It was totally unsupervised; we were like creepers near cats, we were running wild.

Bdubs (Cont'd): I walked down-I walk down to the basement, they had a massive sorting system in the basement, one dude took a running start and threw his body onto the water stream, and broke it in half.

AN: (Dammit, Ren) 

Someone's cat found out which room was EX's and went upstairs and took a sh*t on his command block.........

So, the party was going great!

[Enthusiastic smile and thumbs up]

Bdubs (Cont'd): I'm standing in the basement and I'm holding a red cup,
you've seen movies, and I'm standing there, and I'm holding my (probably spiked) punch, and I'm starting to black out. And I guess someone said like:

Stress: Something, something, police

Bdubs: And in a brilliant moment of word association,
I yelled; F*ck da police! F*ck da police! and everyone else joined in.
A hundred drunk kids yelling:

Literally everyone: F*CK DA POLICE!!

Bdubs: With the confidence of guys who have like already been to jail and aren't afraid of it anymore.
You know like that: [Points to Doc]

Doc: I served my nickel, you come and take me!

Bdubs: Confidence, but children. And the reason someone had said

Stress: Something, something, police

Bdubs: Was because the police were there!

So, a Convex police officer walked down the stairs, and got to the bottom of the basement
and looked out over a sea of drunk toddlers yelling

F*ck. Da. Police. in his face!

And he was almost impressed. He was like

Cub: Wow........

Bdubs: And then he leaned into his walkie-talkie and went

Cub: Get the drones!

Bdubs: And my friend Keralis, who is now a father-this man now has a baby, he grabbed a splash potion of speed, smashed it on the ground, and yelled:

Keralis: SCATTER!

[Everyone runs away]

Bdubs: And everyone ran in a different direction, we all ran in different directions.
It was like that scene in Ratatouille when the humans come in the kitchen and all the rats go in different ways, we all ran in different directions.

Bdubs (Cont'd): I ran into the laundry room, and I jumped on the washing machine, and I crawled out through a window into the backyard, and now I'm running through the backyard and there's this big chain-linked fence, and I thought: I've never climbed a fence that high before!

--and then I woke up at home.

[Nervous laughter]

On Monday, I went to school, because that's what we did back then. And I'm walking into the building and who do I see, but Mumbo Jumbo. And he says to me;

Mumbo Jumbo: Hey, were you at my party on Saturday?

Bdubs: And I said no, you know, like a liar. And he said:

Mumbo Jumbo: Things got really out of hand, Ren broke the sorting system, someone's cat took a sh*t on my dad's command block. But the worst thing-the worst thing is that someone stole these old antique photos, and my parents are freaking out about it!

Bdubs: And I had that thought, that only black out drunks, and players that underestimate the range of TNT cannons near their friend's bases have:

did-did I do that?

I figured no, I wouldn't have done that, But I was never sure until, 2 years later.

[Grian enters]

AN: (I think y'all can see where I'm going with this)

Bdubs (Cont'd): I'm building a town hall with this guy named Grian that we also went to high school with, 2 years later, I've graduated by now. We're building for a couple hours and then Grian says to me;

Grian: Hey, follow me. I want to show you something.

Bdubs: And then I follow him to his Hobbit Hole, and he takes me into his bedroom, and then he takes me into a side room off of his bedroom. -never a good thing to have by the way.
He shows me a tiny room that is covered wall to wall in stolen antique photos from different people's parties over the years. And I said;

Bdubs (Cont'd): Why? [in a whisper]

[still whispering] Why do you do this?

Grian [with an evil grin]: Because it's the one thing you can't replace.

Bdubs: That's the end of that story, but how fricked up is that? Right? That's crazy!
So, anyways, I don't trust my friends anymore!