Hermitcraft Oneshots

Murder Mystery in the Jungle

(Original sketch called "The Agatha Christie Sketch")

(Once again, I could not find the clip on Youtube. My apologies)

(I also had to use a different website for the script because of formatting errors Its called: "Another Bleedin' Monty Python Website")

(Scene opens. The jungle gang (excluding Grian) are having a party at Scar's wizard tower. Suddenly, the door is broken down and  a disheveled Sherlock Grian walks in)

Sherlock Grian: This house is surrounded. I must ask everybody to stay in this room. 

Mumbo: You don't want anybody to leave the room? 

Sherlock Grian: Correct,  I'm afraid I must ask that no one leave the room. Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Sherlock Grian.

Scar: I thought we left you in Season 6? Are you sure it's you? You look an awful lot like Grian right now.

Sherlock Grian: Oh right, sorry about that. I'm a little discombobulated from that portal. Anyways, I suspect that the murderer is in this room, RIGHT NOW!

Stress: (confused) What makes you think that?

Sherlock Grian: Elementary. Since the body was found in this room, and no one has left it. Therefore ... the murderer must be somebody in this room.

Mumbo: What body?

Sherlock Grian:  (Groans) Not again! (Whacks himself with Scar's stolen door)

 I'm early again! Well, I'm Sherlock Grian and I must ask that nobody leave the room. Now someone has committed a murder here, and that murderer is someone in this room. The question is ... who?

Iskall: You said all that already

Sherlock Grian: I know, I'm stalling

Stress: For what?

Sherlock Grian: To solve the murder

Mumbo: (Laughing) Look, there hasn't been a murder.

Sherlock Grian: No murder?

Jungle Gang: No.

Sherlock Grian: Oh. I don't like it. It's too simple, too clear cut. I'd better wait for a while. (He sits down on a chair) 

(The lights go out. There is a scream followed by a wooshing noise. The light goes up. Sherlock Grian is dead on the floor. He has a trident stuck in his chest and there is a bottle marked poison on his lap.)

Mumbo: My goodness, he was right!

(Inspector Renson walks in)

Inspector Renson: This house is surrounded. I must ask that no one leave the room. I'm Inspector Renson. (sees Stress) Please don't shoot me!

Renson: (Spots Sherlock Grian) Ah ha. The body. So the murderer must be somebody in this room. Unless they had very long arms. Say ten to twenty blocks.

(long pause as he looks at everyone's arms)

I think we can discount that one. Now, we'll reconstruct the crime. I'll sit down here. (He sits in the chair Sherlock Grian was in) Mumbo, you turn off the lights. (lights go out, we hear Ren's voice continue to speak) Good. Now then, there was a scream (He screams) then just before the lights went up there was a wooshing noise

(There is another wooshing noise) The lights go up and Renson is dead on the floor with a trident through him.)

(Docson walks in with regular Grian this time.)

(Regular Grian, not Sherlock Grian, just so we're clear)

Docson: All right, the tower is surrounded and nobody leave the room and all the rest of it. Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Docson. (He sees Renson and sighs) Alright lets try to recreate the crime scene once more, Grian you pretend to be Sherlock Grian.

Grian: (Impersonating the character he himself created) "Elementary my dear Docson!"

Docson: (annoyed) Very accurate. I liked you better as a chicken. Just sit down there. Right now we'll pretend the lights have gone out, so there's no need to turn them off this time. Grian, you scream. (Grian screams) Somebody stabs you (pulls out a trident and stabs him) and the door opens...

Joe: Nobody move! I'm the official dogcatcher of Hermitcraft! There are no detectives left so you're next Scar.

Me: We're interrupting this sketch but we'll be bringing you back the moment anything actually interesting happens. Meanwhile here's a video of Mumbo's cat that you've probably already seen.  

Me: The only thing incorrect is the title. All cats are jerks.  And now, back to the sketch:

(There is now a pile of bodies that is rapidly growing as the Jungle Gang watches, still very confused.)

(Here is your reminder that this is a joke, don't take it seriously, and if you want me to change something, I am happy to have a civil discussion about it. Thanks!)