Hermitcraft Oneshots

Self Defense From Food - a Class by Grian

So I might have gotten obsessed with Monty Python's flying circus? Just a bit. It broke my writers block so (:

I hope that video is correct. 

(Ren, Iskall, Mumbo, and Scar are all in a line, they have no armor on and no weapons. Grian has his armor and weapons and is pacing back and forth as Xisuma leaves the room)

Xisuma: Right. Have fun Grian!

Grian: Bye X! Good evening, class.

All (mumbling): Good evening.

Grian: Where's everyone else?

All: They're not here.

Grian:  I can see that. What's the matter with them?

All: Dunno.

Mumbo: Perhaps they're sick

Grian: Huh! Sick? They should eat more golden carrots. Now, self-defense. Tonight I will be carrying on from where we got to last week when I was showing you how to defend yourselves against anyone who attacks you with armed with a piece of food!

(Grumbles from all)

Iskall: Oh, you promised you wouldn't do food this week.

Grian: What do you mean?

Scar: We've done food the last twelve weeks.

Grian: What's wrong with food? 

Iskall: Can we do something else for a change?

Ren: Like someone who attacks you with a stick?

Grian: A stick? Oh, you want to learn how to defend yourselves against sticks? Getting all high and mighty? Food not good enough for you? Well I'll tell you something my friend. When you're flying home tonight and some homicidal maniac comes after you with a bunch of sweet berries, don't come crying to me! Now, the cooked salmon. When your assailant lunges at you with a cooked fish you-

All: We done the cooked salmon.

Grian: What?

Mumbo: We've done the cooked salmon.

Iskall: We done steak, porkchops, chicken...

Scar: Cooked and raw.

Iskall: Cakes, cookies...

Mumbo: Pumpkin pie, apples...

Iskall: Rotton flesh...

Scar: Buckets of milk...

Mumbo: Rabbit...

Grian: How about melons?

All: We did them.