A Collection of Poems

I Can Forgive, But I Can't Forget

I have so many words to say that it would be impossible to say them all. I have so many emotions that have been lost inside that thrall. Here are the words that have rested on my heart, heavy and leaden, a poison in part. Since the day you left, I've written no poems. I cannot. I will not. I felt no emotions. But perhaps I should start at the beginning. A beginning that no one knew. The beginning that was between me and you.

A friendship was there. That and no more. I wanted nothing and had sealed my hearts door. But as all hearts must at some point or other, the door swung open. I won't say I had feelings because the truth was I never did. You were simply there by no given choice. You were my confidante, a friend, my family. How could I have not seen your treachery?

I'm not mad for what you did. I am mad for how it was done. You knew my struggles, you knew I was hurt and battered. Of course you knew. That's why you won. You preyed on my weakness as all predators must. You let your selfishness rule. You shut me out. I had no one else. You shut me out like I was worthless.

Do you know what you did? In that prison heart of mine, a dragon purred to life. It fed upon my grief, my anguish, my strife. The dragon grew strong and yet stronger still. When you made the attack, it moved for the kill. You slammed a door in my face and let the dragon tear into me. It tore my hearts into ribbons and killed a part of me. The dragon tempted me to end it  right there. I would never tell you that, I swear.

Within that prison heart, cracks began to appear. A blackness seeped through where light once shown so clear. And since that day I have struggled to keep the blackness at bay. For that heart of mine was in shambles for months on end. It took me forever to piece it together again.

At last my heart had been made wholly anew. At last my heart had been freed from you. And then it happened. That one fateful night. When an angel brushed past me and saved me from flight. I knew I had to make things right. So I tried. I tried and I tried and I tried. I wanted to be your friend. I still do. And yet somehow that all relies only on me and never on you.

It takes two to be friends, not just one. So finally, now that the deed is done, I've decided to lock up my heart. You have no place there or a part. The piece that was meant for you, you stole long ago. I'm sorry my friend, but I've decided to let you go. If someday the door reappears, perhaps I'll open it and we'll think back on these years.

But for now, this shackled heart can bear no more grief. And so with these words, the last words that I speak, I release you from me. Take all that you are. I give you the pieces that you stole from the start. There is a hole in this cracked heart of mine. The dragon looks out through it from time to time. The hole is healing with no help from you. No, it wouldn't have been broken, if it weren't for you.

I release your hold. I've cut the ties. If you ever deem me worthy, perhaps I'll talk for a time. I can forgive you and I'm trying my hardest. But forgetting is another thing. So I will say this loud as day, for those to hear it from miles away.

I may forgive you but I will never forget how I was tossed aside when I was no longer needed. I will never forget how I was stepped on and kicked around. I will never forget what you stole from me. I hope I stole something in return. I can forgive you and I will, I promise. But I will never, never, NEVER forget.