Joan Undone

Chapter 18

After a long afternoon of discussing formulas, and then tactics for providing on-site care for Throwbacks or Evolved wounded during the street brawls and attacks that are growing more common, Flo leaves for the sleeping quarters.

I'm too wired to eat or sleep. Instead, I use the mapping software on the tablet to plot out the fastest routes to the clinic from different parts of the city. It's work better suited to Harriet, but at least I can give her a head start.

"You should answer your cell. Someone might get worried about you," Nic says, stepping up behind me to examine the maps on the tablet.

"Someone should know I'm a big girl who can take care of herself and doesn't like to have anyone hovering over her shoulder."

Nic grins. "You're an enormous pain in the ass."

"You say the sweetest things."

Nic brushes his hair out of his eyes and examines me. "Didn't your Addie say something about taking a break every now and then and living your life?"

"This is where I want to be," I reply, gazing around the clinic. "It isn't a chore."

"What if I could take you somewhere that you'd think is even more fun than a windowless room deep underground that smells like bleach and blood?"

I shoot him an annoyed glare. "What do you want, Nic? I want to finish up here before I turn in for the night."

Nic grips my hand, and his expression is so earnest that my annoyance fades to curiosity. "Hear me out, okay? I have something to tell you."

I look down at our connected hands and then meet his eyes. "Then tell me."

"Don't interrupt till I'm done, all right?"

I nod.

"I think we belong together."

I suck in a deep breath of air. He didn't have to ask me not to speak, because my mind only has room for shock.

"You reclaimed me, Joan. You reminded me that there are better, higher truths than the degraded ones that Crew fed me. And now, even though we're in the middle of a war, all I can think about is this huge secret that's been waiting to burst out of me, and that if you knew how I felt, you might give me a chance to be something other than just your teammate."

It's an effort to release the breath I've been holding.

Nic's face becomes guarded. "Okay, I'm done. Say something."

My heart slams in my chest. "Nic, you know I'm in love with Justus. I can't help it."

"I know," he says, his eyes soft and warm when they meet mine. "But don't you want to know how it feels to be with someone and hold nothing back? There's an impassable space between you and Justus."

Nic wipes away the tears leaking from the corners of my eyes.

"I want to be happy, to move on. To let him move on. But I'm not sure if I can."

"Give me a chance. A date."

"Can I have some time to think?"

A smile transforms Nic's face. "You're not telling me to fuck off?"

His words surprise a laugh out of me. "I'm a sucker for a good speech. Debate team, remember?"

"You're serious? You'll consider this? Not out of pity?"

It's impossible not to smile at this unexpected side to Nic. "I'll consider it. And I never make decisions out of pity."

He backs out of the room like he wants to vanish before I change my mind. "Night, Joan."